In Grading Your Kid's Grades, Part 1, we discussed how our societal fascination with the almighty "A" can not only be misleading, but blinding and even bullying to moms and dads raising their kids.
We also spoke about why a parent would also do well to also consider how his or her own associations with having their child receive top grades may be affecting, or infecting, the ways in which they view and treat their child.
In this, Part 2, let's take a look at why kids who may well have a realistic capacity to regularly receive top grades, yet who seem to be chronically underachieving.
A good starting point would be for a mom or dad to determine the level of their child's effort. Are they working diligently and consistently? Or is their work more characterized by fits and starts, if not neglect.
Should a child's effort be motivated and committed, yet their grades remain below average, then a parent has a good indication the remedy may well lie in some sort of extra help, whether it is in a specific subject, or exploring your child's learning modes to see if he or she is fighting an uphill battle against an unrecognized learning challenge or deficit.
With the proper help and support, we have seen students go from barely-passing grades to top marks.
Should your child fall more into the unmotivated side of the spectrum, then the question becomes one of why they are not interested or engaged.
And why a child isn't putting in any effort worthy of their capabilities may range widely and deeply, from how they are feeling about themselves, their peers and school, to how they are experiencing their home-life. So do not underestimate the impact of any of these on a child's performance. A talk with their teachers or school counselor may help to indicate where and why your child may be feeling troubled.
We have also seen many parents who, in their frustration, regularly express their upset over their kid's lower grades, yet never offer the reward of their praise for their child's better efforts or improvements.
So don't forget to praise when appropriate and where possible.
Setting supportive boundaries as to how and when studying takes place may be necessary, while also making sure they have a conducive and consistent time and place to do their work. In some cases it may mean no music-listening during study time, while in other cases, where a child may be feeling too isolated, some music, especially music without lyrics, may help. In either case, a running TV distracts more than it ever contributes, and should be eliminated from their field of vision and earshot, which may also affect a parent's TV viewing habits. So a shared sacrifice may be called for.
In all cases, let them know what you expect, but check to make sure your expectations are realistic, appropriate and driven by an understanding of who they are, rather than by whom you want them to be. In doing so, they may surprise you, and by giving them the support they need, they may well surprise themselves.
To be sure, some of us are late-bloomers, and what looks and feels like a struggle in the formative years may well lead to real achievements later, sometimes precisely as a result of those early struggles. We are human, after all.
We look forward to hearing from you here, or at our website: TheDancingParent.com. Until next time, keep dancing! (copyrighted material)