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Kissing Cousins

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This week's poll from the Lester & Charlie Institute of Forward Thinking:

Uh oh. We're coming up once again to that holiday in December that FOX News claims liberals declared a war on. But a couple recent news items make us wonder if the real soldiers in the war on Christmas aren't our friends in red states.

Like Carlos Romero, the 32 year-old man in Florida who is spending this holiday season fighting in court for his right to have sex with a miniature donkey named Doodle.

And, according to the hard-hitting investigative journalists at TMZ, the hottest new thing that nobody can get enough of this season is something called hillbilly pornography. Really! Sales are up 250%!

In other words, not only are red states supposedly the biggest consumers of porn, but thanks to the Honey Boo Boo inspired hillbilly craze, they're starring in it!

So - after weeks of scrambling to find something anybody wants, picking through the last of the tree ornaments at the Dollar Store and pulling apart our kitchen cabinets for some old Ronco products we can re-gift (anyone want either of our Sonic Egg Scramblers? Yes, we have two.) - we now know what to get those conservatives in our lives: hillbilly porn is HUGE and we're planning to buy it in bulk.

But, speaking of Honey Boo Boo, who looks sort of like a Cabbage Patch Kid and sounds a little like Elmo, we're reminded just how tough it can be to get one's hands on the hottest gift of a holiday season.

If everyone and his uncle-slash-cousin is scooping up all the hot hillbilly porn, it's possible we may have to resort to making our own. Which means we need trailers. Sweat Pants. Plots. But, most importantly, we need titles.

In the spirit of Christmas, pitch in and give us a hand! What are some hillbilly porn titles YOU'D like to see?

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