Lenny Bruce once riffed that "If you live in New York or any other big city, you are Jewish. It doesn't even matter if you're Catholic; if you live in New York, you're Jewish."
My parents were so secular I didn't have a bar mitzvah or ever go to synagogue, but all my schools were mostly Jewish, so I was, like, Jewish by association. Or by camouflage.
Then I went to a Catholic College, Fordham, because there was a writing professor I wanted to study with, and my cover was blown. Comedian Kate Clinton has said that Jews are co-Catholics and Catholics are co-Jews. Well, I didn't feel co-anything.
One fellow student assured me that the Mafia was actually Jewish-controlled and Italians had almost nothing to do with it. I guess she hadn't read Mario Puzo. I agreed with her, but I said that being Jewish hadn't helped me personally: "I can't get a summer internship with them because I'm just not connected enough. Go figure!"
Fordham was the first place I ever heard the phrase "Jew him down" aloud. I was sitting with some friends, all of them Irish-American or Italian-American, and one said it while describing something she'd bought. Then she looked at me and covered her mouth in embarrassment.
I assured her that Jews had a similar expression: "Goy him down." For a moment, she believed me. And why not? Christians know as much about Jews as Americans know about Canadians, to misquote a line from The Kids in the Hall. You think I'm kidding?
A few years later when I was living in a Jewish student's coop, someone called around Passover asking to find out if non-Jews were allowed to see the Paschal sacrifice of the lamb. She clearly thought that Judaism had not changed in two thousand years. I took the phone and explained, "Well, nowadays, it's only symbolic. We pour some red wine on a virgin wool sweater. But you're welcome to participate if you like."
Then there was the woman cleaning for us who pointed to the lavender-scented eye pillow by my bed and asked it it was a Jewish ritual object.
Jewish Friends are always telling me about people who can't believe they don't celebrate Christmas. "Not at all? Nothing? No tree? No wreath? No presents? Not even egg nog?"
I wonder what Lenny Bruce would have said about that.
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My second (late) husband was Jewish. My son, who received an (inadequate) Jewish education from me as his dad was very secular, went to Hebrew school for several years. I remember a very intelligent friend of his who thought Jesus never existed, that he was entirely made up. I observed my son's Hebrew class once while the teacher told the class about the Protocols of Zion and how most Christians knew about them. Very few Christians have ever heard of the Protocols of Zion or some of the worst slanders contained within. I was horrified that my son was being taught that.
His father, who went to college in NYC and worked there in the fifties, was fond of pointing out that his uncle advised him that Jews could never get jobs in corporations so there was no point trying. His point was that we should be careful about teaching our children about a reality that no longer exists, and stifling their plans and dreams.
If causeless hatred is turned into causeless love then the world will have proved to be a good investment by its Creator.
The bigger shock was moving to England. The J-ish community is much more insular here and people have less interactioÂn with J-ish students in universityÂ. People up until a few years ago were still asked if they had horns. Someone thought we dressed like vampires at night. I was the first J-ish my boyfriend had ever met. When I met some of his university friends, one told me that I "didn't look J-ish!!" I didn't know quite how to respond to that. However, I've found that most people express interest in learning more about Judaism and are really excited to talk to me.
(Come on moderators, this post is directly on topic and doesn't violate anything...no reason for it to be rejected)
I said "Y'know...this is the first time I've met someone who had never met a jewish person"
There was no malice on either side. It was just one of those quirky cultural experiences. He was genuinely fascinated by my judaism and I was intrigued by the fact that I was first jew he had ever met.
Colin McGinn
Morry says "sure."
The driver starts, "Two jews are walking down the street..." Morry then says "I'm Jewish. why do you all think that it is funny to pick on jews in your jokes? can't you tell a joke about Chinese people?"
The driver replies "I'm sorry sir...two Chinese men are walking down the street, on their way to a Barmitzvah when........"