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Levi Ben-Shmuel

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Growth And Comfort: How Uncomfortable Are You Willing To Be?

Posted: 02/ 8/2012 7:36 am

While watching Roger Federer lose his recent Australian Open semifinal to Raphael Nadal, I was struck by his seeming unwillingness to play the obvious strategy to have the best chance at winning. (The current world number one, Novak Djokovic, showed Federer and the world a successful way to do it last year.)

After the match was over, I thought about how Roger played it. Did he feel by not playing his usual game, there was no joy in playing? Or, was he unwilling to consistently leave his comfort zone, to go into uncharted territory, and perhaps find victory there?

I will never know what was going on in Roger Federer's head. And, it is hard to criticize him due to the level of success he has achieved in his professional life. Thinking about him led me to think about something we all face: examining what it will take to go beyond our current level of success, and how willing we are to do what it takes to get there.

It is all too easy to repeat what for the most part is working. Sometimes, repeating what works is fine. Remember the idiom, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? That is great advice for a mechanical device. But when it comes to personal growth, staying within the boundaries of "what works" when there is room for improvement is a sure way to stagnation.

Growth requires us to test the boundaries of what is known. It takes willingness to get out of our comfort zone, to look awkward, to make mistakes and by definition, to be uncomfortable and not run away from the discomfort.

One wonderful thing about staying in the discomfort zone is the chance to explore who we think we are. Instead of running on autopilot, being uncomfortable in a new situation allows us to question self-imposed beliefs and limits. We might discover aspects of ourselves that delight and surprise us as we dance on the edge of certainty.

When I was in graduate school, I needed to come up with a significant amount of money to pay my taxes. (How I got in that situation is another story!) The only option I found was a summer job as a quality assurance (QA) engineer for a local high-profile software company. At the time I was a software developer, but I had no experience in the kind of code I needed to write to be successful in this QA job. I figured I could learn this particular coding language in a week.

By luck, I had studied the exact topic that was on the test I took to get the job. I was hired, but I was lost on my first day. I had no idea how to do what they had hired me to do! A fellow consultant noticed my plight and did what he could to coach me, but it wasn't enough. As the days wore on and my confidence sank, I knew I had little time to figure this job out. The prospect of getting fired and failing to pay my taxes filled me with shame.

I strained with everything I had to learn the language by the end of the week. The weekend came, and I had not succeeded. The feeling of dread in my gut that Friday was sickening. The next work day was July 4, so the office was closed. Even though the situation looked bleak, I had no other options to turn to quickly to make a large sum of money. With little confidence, I went into the empty office building along the Charles River in Cambridge, Mass. to give it one last go. As I stared at the computer screen, suddenly everything fell into place. The euphoria and gratitude I experienced in that moment is hard to describe. Even though I did not think I would succeed, my perseverance paid off. I learned a lot about what I was capable of doing under pressure. I have been able to draw on that strength ever since.

As I discovered, there is exhilaration and terror wrapped up in pushing your boundaries. I am eternally grateful that the story I shared had a happy ending. Regardless of success or failure, you can grow when you are willing to go beyond what you know and what is comfortable.

I'd love to hear your experiences of going beyond your comfort zone. I trust that no matter what the result, you learned invaluable lessons that served you well in the years that followed.

For more by Levi Ben-Shmuel, click here.

For more on mindfulness, click here.

For more on spiritual development, click here.

 
 
 

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While watching Roger Federer lose his recent Australian Open semifinal to Raphael Nadal, I was struck by his seeming unwillingness to play the obvious strategy to have the best chance at winning. (The...
While watching Roger Federer lose his recent Australian Open semifinal to Raphael Nadal, I was struck by his seeming unwillingness to play the obvious strategy to have the best chance at winning. (The...
 
 
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07:14 PM on 03/09/2012
Great thoughts to keep in mind, Levi. I also appreciate your reply to one of the comments in which you mentioned expanding your comfort zone.

If we could enter into the state of consciousness that we had 20, 30, or 40 years ago, we would probably be shocked by how different we are now. Every now and then life presents us with challenges that push us out of our comfort zones, but I think we can do it ourselves by facing fears and taking even small steps into the discomfort zone. Another way to put it is to live on the edge--the edge of our comfort zone.
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Levi Ben-Shmuel
Speaking for a Wiser Life
07:53 PM on 03/11/2012
Thanks for your comment, Jeff. Yes, life certainly has a way of forcing us to grow even when we don't want to. And, there are times when it is in our hands and hearts whether we grow or not. All the best, Levi
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Angel Whitebird
Invest in America..Buy a Congressman!
02:55 PM on 02/13/2012
How true!!..once I got out my "comfort zone" positive things started to manifest!
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
12:04 AM on 02/14/2012
Thanks for your comment, Angel! Best wishes, Levi
Autora
No micro-bio for me, thanks
03:59 PM on 02/10/2012
It is certainly true that many of us can do more than we ever thought we could, when pushed by circumstances. But not everyone comes out of that experience feeling stronger, at least in the short term. I had once to push myself beyond belief to cope with a catastrophic illness (while working at the same time), and crashed badly afterwards from sheer exhaustion and depression.

I know that if I have to, I can do it again-- but I think you need to differentiate between times when the extra effort will actually get you somewhere, and when it may just get you over something. You and I both learned something: you, a new 'language,' that you could use in your career. Me, just that I was stronger than I thought. But do I want to get sick again to confirm it? Absolutely not. And did that experience of mine have any practical results I could use again? Not unless I want to become a professional patient.

I will grant you one thing, though: I did learn to stand up for myself when I didn't agree with my doctors on certain courses of treatment. There, you are right, because it has carried over to my current life.
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:37 PM on 02/11/2012
Good point, Autora. Sometimes what is required is to push through and survive. But as you recognize, there is growth, important lessons, and in the long run, a new strength on the other side as well. Best wishes! Levi
Autora
No micro-bio for me, thanks
01:00 PM on 02/12/2012
Thank you, Levi-- it's very kind of you to reply in person. I just wish that my challenge had been something a little more productive. Sometimes we need to look for those on our own, though, or at least not run away from them when they come up. Tai Chi and Kabbalah is an interesting combination, by the way? I bet THAT had some challenges!
03:57 PM on 02/10/2012
As a writer, Levi, every time i face that blank computer screen (used to be a blank legal pad!), there is that experience of being pressed past my comfort zone. (I know you understand this!) We face the unknown and wonder, Can I do it again? This time? Even in the field we have "mastered" for decades! Just the engagement with that energy, while in the pursuit, is valuable, I think, a validation of LIFE! Nice piece ....
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:28 PM on 02/11/2012
Hi David! It is good to hear from you in this format. Yes, even when one has "mastered" something, the truth is every moment is filled with the unknown! Engaging life with the knowing that anything can happen at any time is a powerful way to be. Thanks for writing. Best, Levi
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askonemom
02:43 PM on 02/10/2012
Being uncomfortable is the entry way to a breakthrough in your life.

When you operate within your comfort zone you can only accomplish and achieve that which you already know. When you are uncomfortable you are entering into a new arena of opportunity. Once you achieve that which was uncomfortable it becomes comfortable and part of your expanded comfort zone!

Here's to the breakthroughs that being uncomfortable bring!
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:25 PM on 02/11/2012
Yes, one of the benefits of breaking through barriers is an expanded comfort zone. This kind of expansion results in being at ease with more of life, and therefore opens the potential to experience it on a deeper level. Thanks for your comment! Best, Levi
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hb341
02:21 PM on 02/10/2012
GREAT POST!

reminded me of this quote by Henry David Thoreau -
"...if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:20 PM on 02/11/2012
Thank you, hb341! And, thanks for sharing the wonderful Thoreau quote! All the best, Levi
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11:34 AM on 02/10/2012
I have a feeling I am about to be pushed beyond my comfort zone, with two enlarged lymph nodes that didn't shrink with antibiotics and show every appearance of being lymphoma. (Waiting to have them biopsied.)

If I have cancer, I am hoping to use it as an opportunity for growth as a human being and as a spiritual being.
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:19 PM on 02/11/2012
Atmosphere1823, blessing on your healing journey. I have found Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen to be a wonderful source of wisdom and comfort, in particular for those facing health challenges. Best wishes, Levi
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10:43 PM on 02/11/2012
Todah so much, Levi, for recommending "Kitchen Table Wisdom."...I will go and check it out! You are very kind, and I'm grateful for your support and encouragement. G-d bless you. People like you make the world a brighter place. And especially, Huffington Post (which can be a very dark place, at times.)
10:03 AM on 02/10/2012
..my biggest fear in life has been (and kinda still is) public speaking. At age 53, for the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. I had an opportunity to teach a workshop in my profession, Massage Therapy. The night before the workshop I was filled with horror.."what if i panic..forget words, get stage fright". Knowing that I prepared and practiced for weeks on end gave me the confidence to face the next day. It was amazing, once I got started, my personality came out..I was relaxed, the workshop was a success! Initially, I never, ever thought i'd have the confidence to do that. Even at 53, whatever age you are, I believe it's never too late.
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
10:13 PM on 02/11/2012
Angelica21, thanks for sharing your story. I agree with you; it is never too late to grow! Best wishes, Levi
Kali03
I am an Obama supporter
09:19 PM on 02/09/2012
Great article--thank you! I will be giving it quite a bit of thought.

Myself, I am very good about pushing myself when I am exercising. I have good pain tolerance and I'm confident in that context. But when it comes to my personal and professional life, I'm less inclined to pain tolerance in the first, and I've had some life experiences that knocked my confidence really hard in the second. I need to think about reapplying myself, and drawing on my natural confidence and drive that I have for exercising so that I can use it elsewhere.

Thank you for this article--it is quite thought-provoking.
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"Levi Ben-Shmuel"
Speaking for a Wiser Life
09:47 PM on 02/11/2012
You are welcome! I can relate to being able to push through resistance in one area of life and have trouble doing it in others. Your plan to draw on what works in the exercise arena and apply it to other parts of your life where there is difficulty breaking through is great! Thanks for your comment, and best of luck! Levi
01:56 AM on 02/09/2012
Truly awesome and inspiring !!!
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Levi Ben-Shmuel
Speaking for a Wiser Life
09:26 AM on 02/09/2012
Thank you! Best wishes, Levi
06:28 PM on 02/08/2012
This really rings true for me. I have spent much of the the last three years way out of my comfort zone: divorce, single parenthood, back to graduate school with a bunch of twentysomethings and a new career at age forty. I have been challenged more than I would have ever thought possible but the payoff in confidence and a feeling of achievement has been amazing. Now that I've settled into my new life, finished school, and have been in my new career a couple of years, I am also profoundly relieved to be out of this state of discomfort. At the same time - I am so much the better for it.
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Levi Ben-Shmuel
Speaking for a Wiser Life
09:33 PM on 02/08/2012
Lily38, thanks for sharing your story, and congratulations! You bring up an important point; once you are through an intense growth phase, it is important to regenerate and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Best wishes, Levi
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savantpm
09:54 AM on 02/10/2012
lily38, a wonderful story I can relate to, as I went through an almost identical set of circumstances while in my mid to late thirties. If I can offer some advice, having aged twenty years since that time, I can almost guarantee you will endure one or more major uncomfortable situations in the future. Don't fear them, as they are great life lessons which will strengthen you and allow you to help others experiencing discomfort. I know a woman who has never experienced significant discomfort in her life. She had a nervous breakdown when the wallpaper in her foyer didn't coordinate with those in her living and dining room. I feel sorry for her.
06:19 PM on 02/08/2012
Comfort Zone? I'm not sure I remember what that is like anymore. I've been a struggling entrepreneur for four years or so. Someone said that "an entrepreneur has only two emotional states: terror and euphoria." Today it's euphoria for me. And if I learned my lesson, my kick-in-the-head about improving my communication; it will continue to be euphoria for another few hours anyway.
I'll look for a comfort zone later in life, maybe much later.
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Levi Ben-Shmuel
Speaking for a Wiser Life
08:13 PM on 02/08/2012
Hi Oz! By definition, an entrepreneur is one who embraces risk and taking initiative. Yes, the idea of a comfort zone doesn't fit in for you and your brethren! Best of luck to you on your project, and regards to Ori!
09:27 AM on 02/08/2012
I am such a big fan of Roger Federer. It's hard not to be. Roger is so talented and his game is great to watch. To win these days, does he have to change his game - and what if he doesn't want or care to?

You raise an interesting question, obviously not just about sports but life in general. I have gone beyond my comfort zone and come out the better for it (and grown) many times in my life. Each time though, I felt scared, even terrified, but what was worse than that, was not moving forward and instead, stagnating. Sometimes you don't realize you have started to stagnate until you are already on that path and then it begins to feel so awful that no matter what it takes you'll change your game. Is Roger there now? Only he can say. What I can say is I personally don't want Roger to change his game, I don't care for the way the others play. It will be a sad day when Roger is no longer playing his genius game. Having said that, how selfish is that of me?! But - perhaps even genius has to move or stagnate.
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Levi Ben-Shmuel
Speaking for a Wiser Life
01:41 PM on 02/08/2012
Justforyou, I am a big fan of Roger too! You raise an interesting question when it comes to talent. I think it takes a lot of honest reflection to know whether or not to tinker with something that does work well and gives one great pleasure. You have to be clear if increased success is important. There certainly are other reasons to play the game, whatever the game might be. Understanding what motivates you will help determine how to move forward. Best wishes, Levi (And, good luck, Roger!)