Love is a friend, and there are some people in this world who do not know and understand love in the way that most do. This can be for many reasons. Maybe they didn't receive the same love from their family at home as they were growing up and starting to explore the meanings in their heart beats. Maybe other people hurt them so young that it was too difficult to recover from. Maybe they have been abandoned. Maybe they aren't ready. Maybe they have something in their mind that causes their emotions to flow in all different directions no matter how hard they try to control it. Maybe it's just who they are. The fact of the matter is that when you fall in love with them, it becomes who you are too.
It's like when you first got on a roller coaster as a child only to find out you were not near as ready and strong as you originally thought you were when you stood anxiously in line. The only difference is that the roller coaster never stops. You just keep going up and down. You tell yourself it's the air from the speed of the ride that makes your eyes keep watering. You try not to scream. You keep exerting all of your energy into holding on for dear life and repeatedly telling yourself that you can handle it.
Your love is strong enough. You have been shown love your whole life, and you know how to show it. You know how to be committed and understanding. You have learned and grown from the past and you're completely capable of this. You know how to forgive. You know how to be unwavering. You know how to speak positivity even in the darkest points. Most importantly, you start feeling like it's your duty to love this roller coaster ride. After all, you promised love, and that's what you meant. You know them. You know they don't mean it. Maybe they will see that and change. The truth is, they won't.
They change their mind. They pull you in and hold you, and then push you away. Their passion and love is encompassing and moving one day, and seemingly non-existent when their mind set changes. They intoxicate you in every good and bad way. They have you feeling so full and perfect, and then so lowly and hurt. They lash out. They can't trust you. Little problems become enormous, life changing travesties. Big problems become nothing. They change everything but themselves. Other people see it too, and your defenses for your actions with this person become almost second nature to you. You tell yourself you know better than those people do anyway. They don't know anything. You know you can handle the bad for the sake of the good. But that is no life.
You shouldn't have to fear losing someone every day. You shouldn't have to have borderline panic attacks from little signs because you aren't sure if there is going to be another unexpected fall through. You shouldn't be afraid of them because you know how capable they are of unleashing cruelty upon you. It doesn't matter if they apologize and do wonderful things on those good parts of the roller coaster. They know exactly what to say to get you back. You should have someone to depend on. You should have someone that makes you feel alive, but mostly makes you feel loved, safe, and complete. You have to be able to trust your partner. You deserve the same comfort and commitment that you have been giving out. You should be wanted every single day, not just on the good days. You should fight for love in life, but you should also fight for the love of your self and your own happiness.
God, it isn't easy to let this love go though. It sounds like it should be. It sounds like walking away would be the obvious choice, but to anyone so deeply entangled in their love for a person who has them in this situation, they know that isn't the case. The highs are so high that you can't imagine losing them. You feel so emotionally invested and in love regardless of the pain and stress everything has brought you. You feel like you'll never find someone who gets you those unbelievable moments at the top of the roller coaster, where you feel so alive and in love that you see nothing else but them. The fact is that at some point you fall back down again, and you will meet someone one day that will keep you up there all of the time. I promise.
This person will always be there for you. They will be your comfort zone and your safe place to land. They will be your best friend and also your passionate lover. You will get off the ride one day and through your dizzy eyes see a person standing there wanting to just sit on the bench for awhile. You will let laughter expose your smiles that transformed into a bright blue from the crappy cotton candy they sell at the amusement parks. You'll be at ease. Instead of gripping onto the roller coaster bar, you'll be holding on to their hand.