It's true that kids seem to "arrive" with their personalities already in place. In my relatively brief experience as a parent (almost 5 years so far), it's pretty obvious that both my children -- who are very different from each other in many aspects -- have had clear-cut dispositions and fully-formed character traits from infancy. That said, it never ceases to amaze me that they are completely "programmable" in important ways. Kids are sponges at this age, and things we say and do seem to soak in and get permanently absorbed ... so it suddenly hit me that this is my chance!
During this formative time between adorable toddler-hood and the dreaded "tween" years, we parents can download data into our kids the way a programmer writes computer codes. When I think of all my traits and quirks, likes and dislikes that I used to assume had been genetically inherited, it now seems far more likely that these are things I picked up from watching and listening to my parents as a young child. My hand motions are those of my mom's; my study habits and editing skills were instilled by my dad. Oh, the power of parental modeling -- it's scary, overwhelming and pressure-filled, but what an incredible opportunity!
Much has been said about the need for grown-ups to "walk the walk" when teaching children. The old "do as I say, not as I do" approach no longer works (if it ever did) on a generation of kids who are quicker-witted and savvier than we ever were. Their little ears are always open (watch out if you're a cusser because you'll hear it come right back out of the mouths of your babes!) and their eyes are on us constantly, learning all kinds of behaviors to mimic later.
Take eating habits, for example. With Childhood Obesity on the rise (17% of children are now clinically Obese, according to the CDC), this is as serious as it gets. It's a pretty safe bet that children whose parents are fast food eaters will not be found snacking on apples. Sure, there are exceptions, but that's the rule. My husband and I try to make a big show of making wise food choices, emphasizing what different nutrients will provide to our kids' growing bodies. At my house, meal-times are a chorus of comments such as "oh, you're having carrots -- do you remember what vitamins those have that help your eyes?" or "do you know that bears eat salmon, too? That's what makes them so strong -- how cool that you're eating "bear food," huh?" It's dorky, but it works! It's also helps us stay on a clean-eating path for ourselves.
In fact, the technique proved so effective that I unknowingly tormented my son the other day when he slammed into me by accident. I told him he's getting so strong that he could hurt people if he's not careful, and then I jokingly added, "maybe you're eating too many healthy things -- we may have to start giving you junk food from now on." After a wide-eyed beat, Cole proceeded to cry inconsolably ... for an hour! When asked what was wrong he could barely choke out the words, "Mommy said she's going to feed me junk food and that's mean!" And whenever his big sister feels like torturing the little guy, she just mentions junk food and slyly sits back to watch the water-works.
So, while you're busy programming your little ones to become lovers of baseball or hockey or ballet, and as they're picking up your own unique way of running your hands through your hair or your nervous laugh, don't forget that they're also watching what you eat. This is our chance, collectively, to raise a healthier generation - one that cries at the very thought of ingesting "junk".