Yes, that's exactly what my husband of a year and a half would call me. He goes so far as to ask me if I called my mother to tell her how many times I went to the toilet in a day. What can I say, I love my parents and they love me and they enjoy being a part of my daily life. Even though my husband has droned on like this pretty much since the time I met him 9 years ago, I never really realized exactly how strongly I felt about my mother and how much I admired her and aspired to be like her in so many ways. Two months ago, my mother was diagnosed with the rare and aggressive breed of cancer PPC (Primary Peritoneal Cancer) which is essentially ovarian cancer but has recently been identified as its own type of cancer. She was afflicted by this disease despite the fact that she had undergone a hysterectomy seven years ago in order to eliminate the possibility of this exact twist of fate. Since both her parents died of cancer, she had been subscribed in a program for genetic testing and cancer research at a local teaching hospital and this was essentially an accidental discovery.
As the reality of my mother's cancer set in, I began to wonder what life would be like without her. I found myself thinking up all kinds of questions and scenarios and wondering What would mom say to that? I have a younger sister who in many ways is more like our mother. My mother is a very proud and proper lady. She puts on her make-up impeccably every single day to the point that make-up artists have even asked her for advice. She will wear her jewelry even if she is in sweats and running to the grocery store. And, if she is in sweats you can bet that it's made up of a matching set right down to the socks. There is never a hair out of place, an eyelash uncurled, or a finger un-manicured. I especially love it at the end of a night out before we leave a party or restaurant and my father asks Who are you re-doing your lipstick for, we're getting in the car and going home. And she always says It doesn't matter. My sister follows this example on a regular basis and they have tried to squash my resistance to these behaviors.
Last month, she underwent major surgery in the hopes of eradicating the cancer. Since that time when I prepared myself in the morning to visit her in the hospital, I have been making a little more of an effort. I have taken the extra time and care and you know why? Because she's right. Why shouldn't you look good and feel good about the way you look no matter what your daily agenda? My mother does also have a very strong and stubborn character and like my father said if the cancer is as stubborn as she is then we're in trouble. But, I am starting to be extremely conscious of her characteristics and decipher which I find virtuous enough to follow and try to incorporate into my own life.
Just a few weeks ago, one of the surgeons phoned her to discuss what came back from the pathology lab. They told her that the tests showed that all the cancer was removed and that there is no longer any evidence of cancer in her body but just as an insurance plan that they still want her to begin chemotherapy. So, I accept this as good news, or at least the best news we could have received at this point and I will use the time I have now with my mother to learn how to tackle many aspects of life. I would love to know how to prepare a feast for some guests and not feel an ounce of stress when 5 more people show up unannounced. Or how to balance a business as well as a proper family life never missing a carpool or recital. I would love to know how to be the glue that you know damn well keeps your family together. I intend to learn these things now given this second chance and hopefully pass on the skills and knowledge to future generations and friends less fortunate.
I love you mom, can you blame me?