It seems like when celebrity divorces grab headlines, one has to wonder which celebrity spouse will pay alimony to the other. Whether they are celebrities or not, women not only balk at the idea but are unprepared for the possibility that they be liable for paying alimony to their ex-spouses. Why is this?
"The practice of alimony has deep roots in history... Under ancient Babylonian code, if a couple divorced, the man was obligated to return the dowry, grant his ex-wife custody of any children from the marriage, and give her an allowance to sustain her and the children until they were grown. If the couple did not have children, the man was obligated to return the dowry and pay his wife the equivalent of a bride price. If the wife violated any number of traditions, the husband could be entitled to keep the dowry and the children and even relegate his ex-wife to slavery. The husband's duty to support his ex-wife remained intact for centuries.
The modern concept of alimony in the United States derives from the English ecclesiastical courts.... With the growing view that men and women should be treated equally in Western society, the law recognized that both husbands and wives owed each other a similar duty of support. "
Alimony, while not an absolute right, is an entitlement. The homemaker, typically the wife and mother, was entitled to alimony based on her equal nonmonetary contributions to the marriage.
Gender roles still prevail in most households. Here's the rub. In 2003, Australian and US sociologists found that when wives earned more than their husbands, wives also performed substantially more domestic chores:
•arranging children's play dates and after school child care
•scheduling children's medical appointments
•doing the housework and house chores
•soothing their under / unemployed husband's sense of worth and ego
Being breadwinner and homemaker, it is no wonder that wives are surprised and feel victimized by the legal system that requires them to "reward" a sit at home bum.
Women must realize that "The Times They Are a-Changin'":
1. Almost one in three women out earns their spouses.
In a study completed in 2002, 24% of working wives in dual income households earned more than their husbands. Add that figure to 6% of working women married to unemployed men, and you've got an amazing statistic -- almost one in three married women makes more money than their spouses do. And it's not just high earning women whose paychecks trump those of their mates. More than 97% of these wives who out earn their husbands take home less than $75,000, according the U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics.
For many women who are breadwinners (in a failed marriage), they achieved this status "de facto". In many cases, it's not as if they ever expected to out earn their husbands or be the primary support for their family. When their husbands lost their job status or employment, getting a job became a necessity to supplement total family income for their financial survival. Women took on these jobs in addition to household duties and child rearing. If they achieved greater success in their jobs, it was a welcome monetary reward but they received little if any praise from their spouses. If their monetary contributions were no longer essential to the family, women made the transition without fanfare back to homemaker.
Men typically identify themselves more with their jobs than as the main homemaker. And, there is a certain angst that comes with this reality. Statistics show that the longer a husband remained financially dependent (due to unemployment, disability, or lack of ambition to earn an income) on his wife as the primary breadwinner, the greater the disharmony in their relationship. Whether or not the wife aspires to be the breadwinner, it seems the marriage may be at risk. And as in any divorce, the higher earning spouse may be held liable for paying alimony.
2. There are specific factors that count toward the award of alimony in divorce that are more gender neutral now than previously.
Traditionally, alimony was awarded to the wife and paid by the husband. However, during the 1970's and 1980's judges began to award alimony to the husband depending upon the circumstances. In every state there are specific legal statutes for determining alimony. For example, length of marriage, occupation, relative income of both parties, education, health, age of both spouses at time of divorce, age of children, etc. These factors are weighed in each case and negotiated to arrive at term and amount of alimony. Alimony is awarded to either spouse in an effort to maintain the standard of living that both parties were accustomed to during the marriage. In theory, alimony is gender neutral.
Courts place children's interests first and the higher earning spouse becomes responsible for the disproportionate share of child support. If the disparity between spousal incomes substantially exceeds the capacity to pay only for child support, alimony is a viable remedy.
To this day, however, a wife paying her husband alimony is relatively infrequent and for fairly short durations only. Perhaps the reasons for this are that husbands reluctantly negotiate for alimony, as if it is demeaning or embarrassing. Given economic realities, however, working women are increasingly vulnerable to paying alimony because their spouses are unemployed, underemployed, or simply earning less.
Celebrity divorces have drawn attention to husbands receiving alimony. It is only a matter of time before middle class America begins to experience the swing of the pendulum towards alimony becoming increasingly gender neutral as prescribed by the law.
The lessons to be learned are that what was once uncommon is becoming increasingly common: wives paying husband's alimony. While novel still in many courts, women need to be prepared to negotiate alimony with tactical strategy, just like their counterparts.