Roughly 80 percent of "The Bachelor's" Women Tell All episode was dedicated to information we already know. But whether you're suffering through the uncomfortable rehashing of Sean letting Sarah go before the rose ceremony, or when he bowed up at the audacity of Des' brother calling him a playboy, it's important to take another sip of your preferred beverage and refrain from looking at your watch.
What's that? You don't have patience for such nonsense? You're in luck! Choosing juicy morsels from 120 minutes of Bachelor Sean's walk down Memory Lane is my specialty! Here's all you need to know.
Harrison is a Party Crasher
Apparently, Chris and Sean rented an enormous bus to scour the neighborhoods within a 20 mile radius of the Bachelor mansion in search of the perfect viewing party group to surprise. The first one consisted of 12 teenage girls who all flipped out as if Bieber had personally pointed to them during an encore of "One Less Lonely Girl." Realizing this was a bit on the skeevy side, their next stop was UCLA's sorority row. Sean was blinded by the iPhone flashes when 120 Delta Gammas forced him to take his shirt off. I'm pretty sure Twitterverse and Instagram literally shut down due to excessive uploading.
Tierra Has a Little More Sparkle
Tierra chose to wear a repurposed dress from an old Laura Ashley bed spread. It was pastel and floral, but totally modern with a cut in the middle that featured her bare midriff. She admitted that she wasn't there to make friends, but then whined about how the women bullied her. We also learned that she gave the ol' stink eye to many of the girls in the morning and often refused to say hello. Tierra accused AshLee of lying to her face. AshLee took offense and explained again that THIS is an example of how Tierra needs to work on her character. Tierra said that she didn't call her a liar -- she said that she lies. That's totally not the same thing. Selma offered that she really tried to encourage Tierra to hide her crazy, but nothing helped. Harrison understood, knowing that Tierra can't control her facial expressions, especially that pesky right eyebrow. He also asked about the extra sparkle on her left hand. Tierra revealed that she is indeed engaged, that the dude is a real person and that she didn't do it for 15 minutes of fame. The jury is out on whether this engagement will last when she's asked to be the resident villain on "The Bachelor Pad" this summer.
And That, My Friend, Is Not What We Call Closure
AshLee wanted to set the record straight that she was not pissed the night Sean escorted her to the rejection SUV. She was at a loss for words. She also wanted the world to know that she is no longer in love with him because after watching the show, she's convinced Sean is not the gentleman who blindfolded her, rolled around "From Here To Eternity" style on a beach or guided her through a random cave that spit her out into a cool private beach. He appears to be more of a frat daddy. She is completely over him and all she needed to know is why? Why did he dishonor her by allowing her to bask in the high hopes that she would one day be Mrs. Lowe? Sean tried to smooth things over by assuring AshLee that he knew she was a strong woman who could handle the rejection with maturity. The daggers in AshLee's eyes returned and she dropped a bombshell: "Then why did you say you didn't have feelings for the other two girls?"
Shock rippled through the audience as Sean looked dumbfounded, before promising that he never did and never would say such nonsense. She then treated him like a child, trying to coax the truth out while Harrison just stoked the fire. She wondered aloud if he thought she just made up a lie before bidding him adieu and wishing him luck on his endeavors.
Cocktail Dresses For Joey Potter
Call me crazy, but it seemed like Des is going to be our next Bachelorette. The official announcement isn't until next week during the three hour season finale.
What do you think? Will Des, Sarah or AshLee take on the job of finding love through an amazing reality show journey? Did Sean look guilty? Or just uncomfortable? Is Tierra tierra-ble? Sound off in the comments below!
"The Bachelor" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. EST on ABC.