Inboxes in South Filled With Warnings About Aliens, Commies and Schizophrenia

It's getting right crazy down here in Dixie. When we're not talking to ourselves, we're talking to everybody else -- whether they want to listen or not. Yada-yada-Muslim, yada-yada-antichrist, yada-yada-doesn't-want-America-to-win, yada-yada-he-s-a-commie-socialist! Yada-yada-God-hates-him. And more.

I'm drowning in it. Get involved covering a campaign and you'll find your name gets on email lists you never dreamed existed. You get mail, everybody's hollerin' and it's noisy as hell. I got some doozies last week from deeply offended progressives who're worried about the tenor of Team McPalin's dark "path to a narrow margin of victory". And I got more than a few from avid McCain supporters. They're mighty anxious to change my mind.

One of the uber-conservative messages in my inbox was a trip down Alien Invasion Memory Lane. The compelling reason to vote Republican in 2008? Well, honey, this oughta knock your Democrat-lovin' socks right off your feet: Way back in July 1947 a space ship crashed on a cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico with five little aliens on board. Apparently, they got loose, felt amorous and proceeded to wreak devilish havoc nationwide. That's scary. But what's scarier? The fact, the writer said, that exactly nine months later, in April, a slew of liberal elitists just happened to be born -- among them Al Gore, Bill and Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean. No wonder they're all so sympathetic to illegal aliens. It's in their DNA.

On fact-checking the story, I found that none of the above arrived in April 1948 and that, in fact, Pelosi was born in 1940, Kerry in '43, Bill Clinton in '46. Only poor old Al Gore was suspect. He was born on March 31, 1948. Since I wasn't present when Gore was conceived, I can't swear to his being fully human. He has always been a right stiff-looking feller, but I like him anyway.

The final days of campaign 2008? It sounds like Silly Season.

Maybe not. Maybe it's more than that: It may be the Mean White Christian Silly Season.

Another conservative email was a soul-saving warning: You can't be a Democrat if you're a Christian. No way in (pardon the expression) hell. All Christians are hard-wired Republicans. Democrats, after all, are the Abortion Party. No values, just free-wheeling, whoo-boy! sex for everybody and birth control by scraper and scalpel. Republicans are the True Believers. The GOP is the sole God-fearing party of life. So vote McCain/Palin. Or else. Got Life? The hallmark of John McCain's party is reverence for all that good life stuff.

Not to belabor the point, but we all know how valuable conservative columnist Kathleen Parker's life was to God's Own Party when she dared suggest Sarah Palin as Veep might not have been such a smart move on John McCain's part. One of the GOP faithful wrote: "Your mother should have aborted you and tossed the fetus in a Dumpster..."

So much for the McCain/Palin camp's simplistic absolute good v. absolute evil meme.

An email campaign originating in Tennessee hit South Carolina over the weekend. This one's slicker than a slimy swamp-frog's belly: An American flag, big and bold as brass, is the first thing you see. It's a great looking flag, too, and ought to be enough to get any voter's heart revving, get the conservative mind in gear. But it gets better: God has something to say about your vote. In large, lurid font:

"In a world that's rushing toward the end times prophecy, God will bless the true Christian leader, if we choose wisely. The Prince of Darkness' blood runs through the veins of the evildoer...Vote for McCain...Always remember one thing -- GOD WILL HAVE THE LAST WORD."

Lord have mercy. The end's a'comin' and who does this guy think the evildoer is? Oh. That One. And maybe me. The Other One who's voting for him

Another bona fide lover of the Lord, one who also has an inside track to exactly what God is thinking about Campaign 2008 (and everything else), had this warning for us:

"God is not schizophrenic, he would not tell one person to vote for Obama and another to vote for McCain...For all my friends who are voting for Obama, can you really look God in the face and say; Father, based on your works I am voting for Obama even though...abortion...liberal judges making laws that are against you...homosexual rights, even though you destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for this."

I kid you not, the South is awash in an evil aliens, hellfire and brimstone email campaign.. If election day was scheduled for the end of November, rather than the first week, we'd be looking at forty days and forty nights of this stuff. I'd be desperately seeking not Joe the Plumber, but Archie the Ark Maker. I'm a wreck. Two weeks left until election day and I've got a raging case of inbox phobia. The mail is enough to give me toxic shock syndrome and I'm averaging dozens of these, or links to others like them, a day.

I'm not the only one suffering.

Poor William Friedkin is getting mail, too. Did he take to the stump and holler "I'm for Satan!", "Traitor!", "Kill 'em Both!" or "Bomb McCain and Palin!"? Nope. All the man did was make a contribution to the Obama campaign. $2300 to Obama for America. He anted up for the anti-you-know-what. He contributed to the commie. He supports the socialist.

Friedkin got a letter from Howard Rich, chairman of the Americans for Limited Government Foundation: "...As a donor to one or more of these [radical agenda or leftist] organizations, you have been able to engage in these activities without notice...I am writing to inform you this will no longer be the case...Your name has been put in our database..."

While Friedkin was not born nine months after Roswell's aliens began impregnating unsuspecting American women (he was born in 1935), he's a suspicious dude and Right-Wing Big Brother is watching. William Friedkin's name is on the list. And, if you believe your email (like too many Southerners are prone to do) the end's coming and if Howard Rich can't do the job on Friedman, God'll do it for him.

Unless he sees the light. Then he'll vote Right. And God bless (the real) America.

Comments

[babaann]

I live in the south.These emails are too much! The fact that so many believe them , and if they know I don't, they look at me and tsk. As if I am somehow to be pitied for being so misguided.
I clipped a picture if Michell Leigh - screaming in PSYCHO - and Emailed it to my Republican friends.

[mdemploi]

Starting to sound like 'Coast to Coast AM'!

[justoverit333]

Seriously. are these christian people
all drinking the koolaid? Wow.

[Pattycakes90]

As an Independent voter who attended a Michelle Obama event in Pensacola.....a red-state mentality...I came away with a very distinct impression. The crowd was very positive, Michelle's message very inspirational, and I came away with hope...not hate. The crowd was so diverse in so many ways and I actually got a lump in my throat because that crowd was AMERICAN. So my conclusion is...although I am an Independent, Jesus must be a Democrat.

[justoverit333]

Pattycake90 - I just love hearing that!
I have not been able to get away from
work to attend a rally.

[Kiku]

Grin, chuckle, smirk...lo­l...grin..­....ok one more... chuckle, chuckle.....

You received an email from me a while ago saying I had to laugh, at the alien email that I had received too, and the logic of "It's true because I feel it." And others. I've cried, I've gotten angry, I've emailed, and I've yelled, and I've cried, and I've emailed some more. Finally, I douldn't feel anymore. I can't read the sad stories at dailykos anymore. I rebelled. And I laughed, it's all I have left. I know right where you are. Marc Ambinder did it with the "real" Virginian stick, when he introduced string theory from physics as a possible explanation for a "real" Virginia. You are in good company.

Love you words! I'll miss them when this is over.

[bonnetteblj]

Linda, this is a fantastic piece of journalism...I am having the same feelings about the email
inbox! I also live in the south and receive the hell and damnation emails along with the racist,
anti-Christ and terrorist emails. Maybe the McCain/Palin campaign is running on a "trick or
treat" basis now for Halloween...trying to scare Americans into voting for them!!! It sounds like
the last 8 years under the Bush/Cheney dictatorship...oh, democracy!

I read about the Friedken letter...u­nbelievabl­e, esp. in the U.S. when Bush is trying to
"democratize" Iraq at the present moment! I still pray to God and am "one of those" who believes
God still is on my side even though I am voting (already did today!) for Obama/Biden! I believe
God wants what is best for America and the world and it is HIS CHOICE when the
"end of days" decision is made...not the Republican Party's choice to create Revelations!

[LeviCro]

geeez... bout all I can say... is "Oh God"... and then I can just sit here and wonder how much worse it will get before we get to vote.... bears being shot and signs stuck on their heads.... efigies hung in trees....murderous threats.... slander and lies... I thought the party was GOP.. not GOD.... did they just mispell it?

[TheAntiSheep]

It's just a slip of the pen twixt 'P' and 'D'.

I do wish they leave my God out of their utterly un-Biblical campaign and stop dragging His name through the mud by claiming to be something they aren't: "Christian".

WWJD? Weep for their twisted lost souls, probably.

Why do we need to have a 2-year long election cycle anyway, when every other civilized democracy on Earth manages to get the job done in a fraction of that?

[JBS]

If there actually *IS* a god (after all, Bill Mahr may have got it wrong ...) they're all going to burn in hell for taking god's name in vain, bearing false witness, hating their neighbors ... you name it, if there really are deadly sins, they've committed every one of them.

They seem to have forgotten some things.

Jesus drove the money changers from the temple.

Jesus spent his ministry among sinners, lepers, the sick & the lame and TAX COLLECTORS.

Jesus told the rich young man to sell all he had and give it to the poor BEFORE he could become a follower.

Jesus said your heart is where your treasure is; you can't have treasure in heaven if you spend all your time accruing it here on earth.

Jesus said a rich man can't enter heaven, any more than a camel can pass through the eye of a needle.

Jesus said you must love your enemies and forgive them if you expect god to forgive YOU.

[Gidster]

Is there too much lead in the water down there?
Too little school?
Too much religion?

Why would God care about America's Presidential race?

[RumiSouth]

I just had a parent-teacher conference yesterday and learned that my daughter's biology teacher is a creationist. She actually told me that evolution was "just a theory."

I asked her if the health class was teaching alternatives to germ theory, or if her chemistry class taught alternatives to atomic theory. She was not amused.

[JBS]

Well, she shouldn't have been. Atomic theory is Physics, not chemistry. ;-D

[Bitsko]

Aliens, Commies and Schizophrenia? Ahh, the Old South and her beautiful traditions.

[MidMo]

AH Linda- nice post.

The grand old party is just

OLD

W helped to nail the coffin shut and Barry Goldwater is stirring in his. Republican party was HIJACKED by the right. Sorry folks but we are a DEMOCRACY not a theocracy. In this modern day witchhunt we have been ignoring issues. We see 47 million UNinsured folks with no hope, have a standard of living that many think is LESS than our parents, and we are losing our homes and tax dollars to the mantra "deREGULATION". W is more socialist than the lot (hello- what true believing R would ever EXPAND Medicare????). These tactics we see and hear are over the top and distasteful.

Keep it up gOp. Colin Powell came out for "that ONE" but who can call him a commie and get away with it? If Buckley's offspring is jumping there is something going on. You must be OLD because you cannot hear the whisper campaign that is going on. Droves of moderates and barry and ike loving R are running to the hills already. It is not being done in the silence and cloak of darkness but in the privacy of the voting booth.

This FED Up Republican does have one request GOP.

Please do MORE.. negative ads, smears, and please send out the "faithful" to talk more.

And come November 5 - Barry and Ike will be smiling down on us from above as we get down to real work rebuilding the country AND party.

[bitchslappin]

It's not just the South. I'm in PA and I've been getting these hate spewing racist and xenophobic stuff from all my Repuglycan acquaintances, as if they think all this crapola will make me reconsider. Personally I think they all need their meds adjusted . . .

[odyssey58]

I just talked to God. She prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts.

[mommadona]

Another bumpersticker waiting to happen!

[DeanieMills]

I'm with ya, sistah. I'm getting stuff too.

As each day drags on, I'm feeling increasingly exhausted, aren't you? Just emotionally drained. I just want this election to be over, for Obama to have won in a landslide, so that nobody can claim the election was "stolen," so we can move on.

But the scary thing is that McCain's numbers ARE improving; enough ignorant people are being swayed by this madness. So we have to redouble our efforts and keep working through the red haze. 14 days and counting.

Keep writing, my friend. Every word sheds light on darkness.

[truthynesslover]

It worked in s, carolina.

[Linda Hansen - Huffpost Blogger]

Aw, truthynesslover, don't be so hard on us down here in the Palmetto State. Given some of the crackpots we've elected and our school situation bein' what it is and all, the fact that there are any liberals a'tall in these parts says something about us, doesn't it? We're sure, Lord, makin' noise, too.

Some Confederate sorehead once said, "The South shall rise again!", and I can see that day a'comin'. Mm-mm-mmm. Rise is right. And we Obama-lovin' South Carolina liberals aim to be the yeast in that little ole recipe for success, honey.

[DemoMom]

I would like to know "What would Jesus do?"...........I somehow doubt there would be much support for the hate-filled rhetoric of these so-called Christians. They are all nuts!