Trust: It's a word we hear a lot in presidential election years. Indeed,
it's not surprising that many people deem presidential elections to be
campaigns of trust, as the voters are asked whom they trust to make
pivotal domestic and international decisions; to develop, support and
maintain policies that work to benefit children and families in our
country; and to make us proud to be Americans.
Our charge, the charge of the voters, is to sort the good guys from the
bad guys in public office and to determine whom we can and can't trust
to run our country. Yet, in a 2002 survey of Americans undertaken by
GolinHarris, a public relations firm that analyzes cultural trends,
sixty-nine percent of respondents claim they just don't know whom to
trust anymore. Is it any wonder we are all searching for ways to find
the good guys in our work, personal and public service lives?
After interviewing nearly 400 people for my new book, Trust Rules: How
to Tell the Good Guys from the Bad Guys in Work and Life, and now that
I've thought about trust so much and its impact on family, country, and
community, I wonder if we haven't gone too far . . .
Have we gone too far by not differentiating the good guys from bad guys
in our lives?
- In our political system, are we all too quick to rehire those who have exhibited questionable behaviors that set poor examples?
- Do we sometimes re-elect leaders who hold careless regard for our country's culture or the well-being of our children and families? Who fail to work to develop and maintain policies that protect them, policies such as adequate healthcare, guaranteed flexible work arrangements for parents and caregivers, and support programs that provide excellent child care for all who need it?
- In corporations, we trust our pharmaceutical companies to sell drugs at profits, yes, but to do so in ways that build a healthy nation. We often trust the leaders of these companies, but do they deserve our trust?
- In our television and news media, we trust media executives to produce
good content, but do all of them really deserve that trust? Do we allow
news media, in particular, to define who the good guys are that can lead
our country in positive ways and help us develop and build caring, safe,
and secure family environments for our children?
*Sometimes We're the Bad Guys*
The interviews for my book also made me realize that sometimes we're the
bad guys. Betrayals aren't always of an egregious nature. Often
betrayals are about being unkind, thoughtless or careless with our small
words and deeds that accumulate to negatively affect trusted work and
personal relationships and chip away at these trusted relationships in
an equally devastating manner. Thus, from the many interviews I
undertook for my book, I created a "Trust Rules Questionnaire" that
allows us to test our own trustworthiness as well as the trustworthiness
of others, and helps each of us become more trustworthy people.
This "Trust Rules Questionnaire" forces us to ask of ourselves and
others such things as:
- Do I admit and learn from my mistakes?
- Do I have a self awareness of how my behaviors affect others?
- Do I help others become better people?
- Do I admit when I don't know something?
- Do I demonstrate absolute integrity?
These are just a few examples from my book, but strong examples that we should be asking of our trusted confidants, those we want to "hire" to become president of our country. The fact that a candidate is female or male, black or white, old or young, or all of the myriad of things being said about Clinton, Obama, McCain and others, shouldn't even be part of the national dialogue as we assess and make the all important decision about who will be the next leader of the free world.
Whether we are a CEO of a major multinational company trying to figure
out whom we can trust to give us important strategic advice, a mom or
dad trying to make friends with other PTA parents, or a teenager trying
to figure out how to get through adolescence, the formula is the same.
If we want to be better people, build a better community, and a better
country, we must carefully guard whom we choose to be in our inner
circle of confidants, and carefully guard whom we choose to run our
governments and hold important offices in our corporations, schools,
churches and communities. And, once we decide, we must never be afraid
to re-evaluate our decisions, and in fact, be careful to reassess on a
regular basis throughout our lives.
Philosophers warn us that, when the basics of trust are not present, a
society is on the verge of collapse. It is time to re-establish trust in
our own lives and, by extension, in the life of our communities and our
nation.
*Parts of this article are excerpted from Linda Stroh, "Trust Rules: How to Tell the Good Guys from the Bad Guys in Work and Life," Greenwood/Praeger Press.
A Peaceful Revolution is a weekly blog about work/life satisfaction done in collaboration with MomsRising.org. Read a blog by a leading thinker in the field every Tuesday.