As a high school student, I hated multiple-choice pop quizzes. They never pointed out what you actually knew, just made it obviously clear what you factually didn't. That hateful list of letters: A, B, C, and D...but it wouldn't stop there for me. I'd add an E. Observe:
"In A Separate Peace, what year was Gene's 'Sarcastic Summer'"?
E) I don't know exactly, but it was during WWII. And that's all that really matters; I can't believe you listed four years of the war. Not cool, Ms. Schultz.
Or:
"What is the symbol for lead on the periodic table?"
E) Good question, but I don't care to put labels on things. But I do know that it's a poisonous and dense metal that makes awesome bullets (I'm just saying).
And believe it or not, I never got partial credit. Never! Not fair. So maybe referencing ammunition wasn't a smart move, but come on, it showed I did the reading.
But what if there was a pop quiz that shed light into our souls instead of stealing them? (I'm looking at you, Ms Schultz.) What if one made us look inward for the answer instead of searching for it on the page? If such a quiz existed, I'd surely use it as a borderline-acceptable measure of the properties of the mind, but I wouldn't want it to be too long or hard.
That's what she said.
So now I'd like to once again turn to music to help aid in the healing process of the Quarter-Life Crisis by examining the lyrics of some old high school faves. So... POPQUIZ!
1. Your life right now can be summed up by which song played at your high school prom? (Or if you're like me, played in the car on the way to a friend's house to watch Dawson's Creek.)
A) Faith Hill's "Breathe": In a way I know my heart is waking up, as all the walls come crumbling down. (Awww.)
B) Sisqo's "Thong Song": I like to dance at all the hip hop spots and cruise to the crews like connect da dots. Not just urban I likes the pop cuz I'm livin' la vida loca.
C) Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady": I'm experiencing a minor identity crisis because there's a million of us just like me who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite me.
D) 3 Doors Down's "Kryptonite": I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind; I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time. I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon; I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah.
Pencils down. The quiz is over. Please pass your papers to the front. Let's see how you did.
If you answered A, you just like, loooove Jewel's poetry, may or may not be a vegan depending on the holiday, and you're pretty happy with life. So: we're not friends. You lose.
If you answered B, you haven't yet realized that it might be time to put down the Red Bull and Vodkas and get a tad more serious, but I'll allow it as long as you're respectfully employed and paying the bills. You can buy me dinner as long as there isn't techno music involved. You get partial credit. Yay!
If you answered C, you recognize that struggling to stand out is a challenge that must be overcome. Your identity crisis is a major part of the QLC, but you're excited to stand up to it. Congrats! You chose the right answer. And best news is, you and I are friends. (If I used emoticons, I would insert a smiley face here. But since I hate them more than Lohan hates sobriety, I'll pass.)
If you answered D, your emotions are valid and relatable, but your choice of song leads me to believe that you don't know who Tyler Hansbrough is, and so we can't be friends. But good effort.
So in honor of Eminem's win today I'm going to try to live the next seven days as confidently as he would. Lose myself in the moment, I own it, better never let it go. That sort of thing. Perfect timing since my year-end review is today. Hope I get partial-credit for only using 4 out of my 5 sick days. Onward!
Ps- Answers also accepted are your addendum E's.