05/30/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I Know of a Springsteen Cover Band Available for Weddings

Did you see this? Am I the only one who finds this hysterical?

First, I'm sure you heard of the "Craigslist Murderer," creepy Philip Markoff, currently cooling his heels sans bond in a Beantown hoosegow for allegedly murdering a "masseuse" he met online. He's being held for murder. Repeat: MURDER. I can tell you as an ex-prosecutor, most murder cases, high profile especially, result in folks held without bond, and the evidence, at least what's reported, makes Mr. Markoff's chance of freedom, to put it mildly, not that great. As you also know, sadly, this creep was engaged to marry Megan McAllister on the Jersey Shore on August 14. She still supports and stands behind this killer, er, suspect, whom she describes as loving and caring and blah, blah, blah. You know the "hell hath no fury" line about a woman scorned, perhaps there should be a corollary to it, e.g. "There is nothing so blind as a fiancée whose wedding might be canceled." Or something.

Now, here's what I imagine. News reporters and the mainstream media (MSM) are trying their utmost to find a new perspective or tack to this story. But what? The story's pretty much on hold. The facts are in. What to do? Some news director, I imagine, must have exclaimed, "I've got it! Go with the wedding angle!" Now, I know what your thinking: What's the wedding angle? I don't know, either. But here's where the hilarity begins.

First, it seems to me obvious that any nuptials are pretty much on the back burner, at least those not held at the "gray bar inn," you know, à la the Menendez brothers. I'm not a pessimist by nature, but my advice to Miss McAllister is, as some are wont to say in the Garden State, fuhgeddaboutit. I mean, please, folks: He's being held on murder and robbery charges with no bond. It'll be years or at least a good while before he goes to trial, certainly not before their August 14 hitch date.

Now the MSM had at first coyly suggested that they suspected the nuptials might at least be postponed due to a suggestion posted by a William Forte, leader and founder of the Springsteen cover band, The B-Street Band (get it?), on the group's website suggesting that, uh, an August 14 date was now available. It seems Mr. Forte contracted with the couple to play at their wedding. Well, not so fast, Sherlock. Seems that murder charges might have put on damper on this event. Google this story and be amazed as was and am I as to the number of references to the now famous Mr. Forte, who was first to suggest that the marriage would be at least postponed.

Now, think about this. MSM report that they believe the August 14 wedding date won't happen, not because of the incarceration of the marital moiety, no, but that the band has been canceled. I also read that the magnanimous Mr. Forte plans to return the $500 deposit. Believe me, the publicity this group has received is well worth the returned deposit. And don't worry about the fact that this band appealed to an accused murderer, armed robber, sexual deviant and psychopath. Publicity's publicity.

But wait, I haven't heard anything from the caterers or the photographer, not to mention officials from the reception site. Do we take Mr. Forte's word for it? I mean, he seems to be well-informed, but unless I hear reports and confirmation from the aforesaid wedding support teams, I'll have to say that the jury's still out. Keep that Friday open.

Notwithstanding the fact that murder suspect Markoff is being evicted from the apartment he shared with Ms. McAllister, his medical school has suspended him indefinitely, he's $130K in debt via student loans and may not be able to afford a lawyer, he's being held without bond for murder and robbery charges, more victims and witnesses are expected to line up against him and the evidence heretofore looks, well, not good for Dr. Kill-dare, we needed the confirmation from B-Street-er Forte to confirm the remote and hard to predict possibility that the August 14 wedding date may in fact be canceled.

Sorry, my faux Boss troubadour, unless and until I hear from those additional wedding folks listed supra, I'm not putting any money on this here wedding being canceled or even postponed.

I'm countin' on a miracle. (Get it?)