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Lisa Belkin

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The Worst Airplane With Kids Story Ever

Posted: 11/23/2011 3:11 pm

The funniest post I had the delight to run in my years of writing about parenting was an essay by Johanna Stein. She's a comic actor, producer, and director -- and the mother of a toddler who does not like airplanes. Or, at least, she did not like boarding one particular plane, which led her mother to frantically attempt to entertain her, which led to an unfortunate, but hilarious, encounter with an airsick bag.

Jojo has since created a video version of that essay. And as so many of you board airplanes for the Thanksgiving weekend, I offer this to you as a light-hearted respite. Or a cautionary tale...

Happy Holidays!


 
The funniest post I had the delight to run in my years of writing about parenting was an essay by Johanna Stein. She's a comic actor, producer, and director -- and the mother of a toddler who does not...
The funniest post I had the delight to run in my years of writing about parenting was an essay by Johanna Stein. She's a comic actor, producer, and director -- and the mother of a toddler who does not...
 
 
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Halsey
"There is a price to pay for speaking the truth. T
12:15 PM on 12/02/2011
It was a funny story. Not that original, except the filled barf bag part. I think we've all been on flights with the screaming meenie's. Sometimes maybe it is the air pressure hurting little ear drums..and sometimes a toddler's trantrum. I always fly with xanax..just in case I get the huge b.o. person, or the chatting person, or the person who crunches nuts and crinkles the bag for 3 hours..or...kids.

I mean, we HAVE to laugh right? otherwise we cry...and then..we cry again ;-(
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Wanjiru
Debatably relatable ...
01:12 PM on 12/01/2011
The first time I saw parents with their children on leashes (YES, leashes - as in dogs) at an airport in Frankfurt, Germany - I nearly passed out! However, I saw it at a few more airports, and when I looked around, no one else seemed to be as horrified as I was! Can someone tell me when THAT meeting was held?? Clearly, I missed it!

We have twins, and having lived as expats - many times I had to travel alone with them on some trips while they were toddlers. Yes, they were hyper - as they should be at that age. I'm by no means a perfect parent, but traveling with toddlers - especially - involves anticipating their excitable behavior in advance and preparing fully for it. We always had them carry their own back-packs full of different activities to occupy their time, whether at the airport or in-flight. Coloring books, crayons, little toys, puzzles, games, disposable cameras, etc anything and everything that could and would distract their attention. I would even try to estimate about how much time each "activity" would take before they were ready to move on to the next.

That worked well enough for our travels over that time-period. Whereas most parents I know usually dread trips with their young-age children (especially toddlers), we actually used to look forward to our trips.

Not perfect parents, by any stretch of the imagination - but I'm SURE glad we never needed to use leashes for our
05:52 PM on 11/27/2011
I once spent 12 hrs on a plane next to an autistic child who screamed every minute. It would have been only 10 hrs but an old woman died on the flight and we were delayed on the ground after landing for another two hours while the officials sorted that out.
08:31 AM on 11/26/2011
Hi! I have been the person who flew without kids and got a little flustered. I got major karma when I eventually flew with kids!

Here is my story of what you should do when you fly with kids. Some people may not agree with it, but it works for some parents!

http://ichoosehappynow.com/2011/11/23/cup-of-joy/flying-and-traveling-with-kids-advice-that-i-live-by-after-getting-karma/

Cheers,
Louise
07:27 AM on 11/26/2011
My husband and I had flown on an Alitalia fully booked flight from JFK to Rome. Across the aisle from us sat a family (mom, dad, grandparents, and a little boy). The kid screamed throughout most of the flight. When he was not screaming, he was hitting his parents and kicking the seat of the person in front of him. When the passenger in front of him complained, his parents told off that passenger. We had to take a connecting flight from Rome to Venice. The little beast and his family again sat across the aisle from us, and he repeated the same behavior. Not once did his parents or grandparents tried to correct his behavior on either flights.
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WilliamL
08:47 PM on 11/26/2011
Clearly the fault is with the parents.
07:04 AM on 11/26/2011
OMG!! That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing it, Lisa.
08:22 PM on 11/25/2011
If your kid is too young to behave or simply can't behave DON'T impose their behavior on others who have no way to escape it.

You don't have the 'right' to subject the rest of the world to the bad behavior of your child.

And it IS possible for children to be 'seen and not heard' - this was the norm for generations. We managed it with two - whose behavior has been praised by every teacher, counselor or other person that's ever dealt with them. Our youngest would throw himself on the floor screaming when he didn't get his way at the age of 1. We 'broke' him of that behavior in short order - picking him up and depositing him in his room, while otherwise ignoring him.

It IS possible to teach even young children how to behave appropriately.
09:41 PM on 11/25/2011
Agreed. Kids who act bad can get annoying. When I worked at a local meat/produce market, a lady always brought her 3 year old son in every Monday. This boy would run all over the store screaming, knock stuff off shelves, play with our decorative items, and at one time opened a couple food items (mom had to buy them). She never did anything about him. None of us looked forward to this boy coming in, ever. We were so glad when parents brought in good kids.
11:22 PM on 11/25/2011
Yes, you sound like a stellar parent, "depositing" your 1 year old son his room to contemplate his bad behavior. Are you kidding me? That method of parenting is punitive and ineffective and doesn't teach kids how to do the right thing. It is shaming and lacks empathy, with no regards to the child's needs.

People who have young children have just as much right as anyone to take their kids any place they want. The only way they learn is by doing. Young children do have meltdowns, yes, but that doesn't mean you should lock yourself in your house until your kid is 18.

We have a 4 year old who has traveled all over the world and been to many fine restaurants in her short life. For the most part, she is well behaved because we have taught her how to do so. We bring things to occupy her and engage her where ever we go. We also do our best as parents to make sure she is well rested and not hungry. Not all parents can say the same.

Your attitude of children being "seen and not heard" is an antiquated way of treating children, back when teachers also hit them with a switch in the classroom. How do you expect children to learn how to behave appropriately in all different situations if all you expose your children to is life inside your house, the park or other places where only young children frequent?
03:05 PM on 11/26/2011
Agreed, Laura.
07:29 PM on 11/26/2011
The correct thing to do when a toddler throws a tantrum is ignore them - and respond only when they stop. It worked.

My children have been taught how to behave and have impressed anyone they've come in contact with throughout their lives. Almost every teacher they've had has asked what we did to raise such children. They are astoundingly accomplished, involved and empathetic, Given that they've made it to college and high school I suspect their track record is a bit longer than your 4 year old's......
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jmbsjy
too old for tea parties
06:09 PM on 11/25/2011
Yuck! TMI
ProCynic
Weak minds become partisan, demonizing others.
04:17 PM on 11/25/2011
Children under 13 should not be allowed on a plane. Children over 13 should be strapped to the outside of the plane.
08:11 PM on 11/25/2011
Hahahahahahaa...Tooo funny!!
05:50 PM on 11/27/2011
I hope that you are on the plane when I bring my two toddlers on their next trip...and that you are sitting right next to us. Cheers!
ProCynic
Weak minds become partisan, demonizing others.
11:22 PM on 11/27/2011
That's the nice thing about being in the frequent flier programs, free upgrades into first. I've noticed that when people pay extra to sit in a special section, theater, or such, that conditions are much more polite.

I make a point of making sure places I eat, cruise, fly have options for adults that don't want to deal with other people's brats.

There are those to feel the need to foist their ill behaved progeny on those around them.
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Amber Hinds
finding joy in the not-quite-there
04:01 PM on 11/25/2011
It's even better (worse?) in video.  Thanks for the giggle (and gag), Lisa.  Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

http://www.amber-hinds.com
03:17 PM on 11/25/2011
Awesome!!!
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VirginiaDreaming
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent
02:57 PM on 11/25/2011
Funny story, but the description of her husband is a bit offensive. If he is that bad why in the world would she marry this guy?
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KidShalleen
If I'm posted, a moderator is asleep.
04:10 PM on 11/25/2011
It's called comic tension. Would it be as funny without it? Get it?
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VirginiaDreaming
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent
05:29 PM on 11/25/2011
I found that part of the story insulting, you found it funny. And that is okay, we each have the right to an opinion. I'll respect yours and hope that you will return the favor.
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Halsey
"There is a price to pay for speaking the truth. T
12:11 PM on 12/02/2011
It was just comedy. I'm sure she loves him.
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12:52 PM on 11/25/2011
Two airplane tickets to visit in-laws: $500
One folding travel stroller: $200
A great story to tell the rest of your life, especially at your daughter's wedding: priceless.