Do You Walk Around Naked In Front Of Your Kids?

When should you stop walking around naked in front of your kids? When should your kids stop walking around naked in front of you?

Devon Corneal touches on the first of these questions in an essay here on HuffPost Parents today, talking about the loss of what she calls "decorum" during pregnancy and childbirth, making BD (before delivery) rules seem kind of, ummm, quaint. "There's something so visceral about giving birth," she writes, "so completely humbling, that I couldn't hold on to my old hang-ups." To her own surprise she stopped worrying whether her now 4-year-old son saw her without clothes. She'll put them back on for good around him someday, she writes, but she isn't sure exactly when.

Aviva Rubin raised the opposite of this question a few months ago in an essay for Motherlode in the New York Times. Yes, she and her partner regularly walk around the house naked, she wrote, and so do her sons who are 8 and 12. She said she was fine with this and figured that her boys would give her "some sign" when it was time for them all to stop.

But they haven't, at least not consistently. Of her older son, she writes: "One day, hearing something on the television while he was waiting for the bath, he walked in, hands covering his parts like a fig leaf, unconcerned. Other days it's, 'Mom, do you mind? Give me some privacy!' while he's changing his shirt."

Which leads to a third question: should adults should wait until their children take the lead on how old is too old for what Rubin calls the "Garden of Eden approach"?

If your child is expressing embarrassment, is that the moment for everyone to cover up? Or is that just a little too late?

(And speaking of bodies after babies, there's this...)

 

 

 

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Comments

[J R M]

06:58 PM on 06/27/2012

When our daughter was a year old she saw her mother as she was drying off after a shower. Our daughter was nursing and eating solid food, but looking up at her damp mother her eyes latched onto her mother's breasts. She reached out for them. It was very clear what she wanted. It was a few minutes more before my wife got dressed.

[Lacy Wilmerton]

11:24 PM on 06/26/2012

I never saw my dad naked, but I did see my mom. Never saw any of my step-parents naked. My son has seen me, but I don't walk around the house naked (unless I'm sleeping naked, and have to randomly use the bathroom). If he's in my room and I need to change, I tell him not to look. He tells me not to look when he changes, to which I tell him, don't worry, I'm not looking. I don't shut the door when I use the restroom (I have no idea why I don't do this) unless there is company over. I tell him not to watch me use the bathroom, and send him out if he comes in to talk. I believe I'm teaching him emotional and mental privacy, so that when he's older, if he is ever in a situation where someone cannot gain physical privacy, he can give it to them mentally and emotionally. Also, this should help with those middle school fears of his peers seeing him change in the locker room.

[anelder]

11:15 PM on 06/26/2012

One big 'much ado about nothing'.
Should we walk around naked, no. Should we be embarrassed about be seen/caught naked, no.
Come on, put some underwear or sleepwear, or wrap a towel and the lesson is taught and learned about respecting all around us. The putting on of a shirt when you go to answer the door is just a matter of respect. Knocking on the door to a room is a sign of personal space and respect. The rest of this is just a lot of nonsense.

[barbara jay]

02:51 AM on 06/26/2012

When I read Devon Corneal's essay, I thought, it's not a big deal for me as the mother of a daughter, but I have no idea how I'd feel if I had a son. My daughter is eleven and has very gradually begun to claim her privacy, especially as physical changes are setting in. This does not mean that we have to be totally covered up at all times, but when one of us is not, it's at a time or in a place where we wouldn't be expected to be - she may pop into the bathroom to ask a question or be a pest while I'm in the tub, and likes me to stand by with a large open towel when she's stepping out of the tub. And when she does make a bit of a deal out of privacy, it's not so much about embarrassment (that might come later) as it is a test to if she can assert her independence and authority and have them respected, which is fine with me.

[kella]

07:46 PM on 06/25/2012

With the media assaulting children with overt sexuality and vulgarity, respecting the privacy of our kids as well as our privacy is important. Having a child or being less perfect should not be a cause to lose decorum. Why do you have to be the first man or woman that they see naked? When the child stops a parent by giving some sign it may be too late. You might have already disgust the child.

[BrightBetty]

02:32 PM on 06/27/2012

Not everyone agrees with your assessment that nudity is something to be ashamed of, and your taboo's about it don't affect us. People need to stop equating *nudity* with sex and vulgarity. It's NOT THE SAME. I'm an artist who does nudes, and several pieces hang in my home and my daughter could care less. It's not important because we've not made it taboo. Why shouldn't I be the first person my daughter sees naked? I carried her, I birthed her, I breastfed her and she shares the same anatomy that I do. She is a PART of me. I respect my daughters privacy, and she respects mine, it is possible even in a home where the girls don't think twice about running in to pee if another one is in the shower, or trying on clothes in the same dressing room. If you don't want to be naked in front of your kids, that's fine, but do NOT make it out as though those of us who do live like this are some kind of perverts who are scarring our kids for life.

[Phyllis Copeland]

06:55 AM on 06/28/2012

We are taught to view the human body with disgust. Or not. I was raised in a very conservative home and it took me years to feel comfortable with my body. When I had my daughters, I was at the point where I was comfortable enough to walk around the house naked if I felt like it, but I mostly used a towel or bathrobe out of habit (still do) ... I just made sure not to react in horror and shame if they caught me in the buff and I still don't. They are teens now, they have healthy self-images, but also a healthy sense of privacy. More importantly, I don't see in them any of the sense of shame that I had at their age. I think it is far better for kids to grow up seeing the human body as beautiful, while being taught that it is a special beauty we don't share with everyone. :-)

[Olya Thompson]

06:46 PM on 06/25/2012

The question reminds me of the movie "The Good Mother," with Diane Keaton, based on the book by Sue Miller. I don't know, the thought of a 12 year old boy walking around naked around the house around 2 female partners or around his heterosexual parents seems inappropriate.Sure we bathe our children when they are young, but as they get older, begin to care fo themsleves, they should learn their privacy is respected. Also these days if we have to teach kids as young children that certain parts of their body are private to protect them from predators, we should teach them at home that their privacy is respected,most certainly long before they become adolescents.

[niceshoes60]

12:04 AM on 06/27/2012

Sorry to nitpick, but I'm SO tired of "these days...we have to teach kids..." 'scuse me, but there have been sex predators since the beginning of time; how/why do you think predators are the way they are? Over 70% of children incarcerated in juvenile detention (both boys and girls) have been sexually molested. We live what we live/learn as children - which is really what I think is the basis of the story: that our bodies are okay the way they are, not weird or nasty - we need to love and respect ours, and love and respect others'.

[jhowze]

06:22 PM on 06/25/2012

Add in the issue of step-children and it becomes even more problematic - when is it past OK for a step-son or step-daughter to see a step-parent of the opposite sex starkers?

[Phyllis Copeland]

07:02 AM on 06/28/2012

I think this is a personal question that can only be addressed within the unique household itself. What I and my quirky clan are ok with may be far out of the comfort zone of another family. And I have come across some families that make me feel like an absolute Puritan! To each their own, provided the family, as unit, are comfortable with the boundaries they set for each other and so long as kids also know that we always don full dress for all guests, even extended family, no exceptions. And, I would add, if the family tends to be more extraverted, but there is one kid who is very private, the family should respect the privacy of the wall-flower. The one child who grooves to their own beat should not be ostracized by the family or pressured to conform - if we can't be ourselves with our own family, how can be we ever feel ok about who we are? :-)