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Lisa Belkin

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An Overdue Apology To Moms, From A Fitness Guru

Posted: 05/30/2012 7:21 am

The latest issue of People magazine has a five-page spread of Jillian Michaels and her new family, looking cozy and content.

It is not your most typical of families. Michaels, the drill sergeant fitness instructor from "The Biggest Loser," is pictured with her partner of three years, Heidi Rhoades, along with the daughter Michaels adopted in Haiti in April and the infant son Rhoades delivered two weeks later.

As Michaels described it, she was meant for this roll-with-the-punches life. "I felt the calling to adopt," she tells People, explaining that a diagnosis of endometriosis in her teens meant she always knew she was unlikely to have biological children. "You just know in the deepest part of your being that you are meant to find this little soul and guide them through life."

If that doesn't sound like the Michaels you knew back when she was barking contestants into shape, many things about her have changed, she says. And more than one new mother will feel vindicated by her admission to People that she hadn't been to the gym for two weeks, and she'd started drinking coffee again after two years of abstaining from caffeine.

Then -- and here's the best part -- she goes on to apologize for not getting it before she had kids. "I have to figure out how to take care of myself right now," she says. "Telling moms 'You need to put yourself first'? It's impossible to put yourself first when you're a Mom...Parenting is not for sissies. You have to sacrifice and grow up."

There is one thing missing from this interview, though, and that is any mention of another interview -- one she gave to Women's Health magazine a little over two years ago, before she left "The Biggest Loser" and began the adoption process. Back then there was no mention of endometriosis or life callings. Instead she said that her living was earned by looking good and that she therefore planned to adopt rather than give birth because "I can't handle doing that to my body."

Her words caused an uproar. My own response was a column wondering why she had to phrase things in a way that reinforced the view that pregnancy changes were ruinous. Wouldn't the more productive message, I wondered, be that yes, losing the weight takes time, but so what?

Michaels owes mothers an apology, I thought back then.

Sounds like we've gotten one.

For more photos of Jillian Michaels and her family, click over to x17online.com.

 
 
 

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The latest issue of People magazine has a five-page spread of Jillian Michaels and her new family, looking cozy and content. It is not your most typical of families. Michaels, the drill sergeant f...
The latest issue of People magazine has a five-page spread of Jillian Michaels and her new family, looking cozy and content. It is not your most typical of families. Michaels, the drill sergeant f...
 
 
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03:32 PM on 06/04/2012
Before having kids of my own, I wasn't terribly different from Michaels. No excuse for being late to work. Sick kid? So what? Family emergency? Really? My perspective changed a lot once I realized the same things that Michaels did. Kids come first, and I'll add to it that my lesson was learned "kicking and screaming the whole way" but finally, I've gotten it. It took me a long time, but it also took me a long time to lose the baby weight too. Did I mention that I've also learned patience?
12:25 AM on 06/04/2012
Misery loves company.
08:01 PM on 06/01/2012
I like Jillian and I love her workouts. She has definitely helped to get me back into shape after having two kids. But she did seem to be pretty clueless about the lack of time parents have. It's a struggle for most parents to find time to work out and eat healthy. I'm glad to hear she knows what it's like now.
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ludwig1847
04:13 PM on 06/01/2012
(Sigh) Converts are the truest believers. It's always risky to take advice fromsomeone who hasn't "been there".
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bigbe
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
01:43 PM on 06/01/2012
Isn't it amazing how marriage and/or a family changes your outlook from ''it's all about me'' to ''what would YOU like to do''. I used to run every night after work and eat when I wanted when single but that all changed when you try to occomodate a loved one. I still managed to run but it meant changing the schedule and intensity. It wasn't something I could ''blame'' on someone else but other things just take precedence.
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Gary H Mayer
12:28 PM on 06/01/2012
Guru's are human and sometimes give bad advice. Dr. Spock admitted that his philosophy was full of holes, but it was too late. All couples who raised their kids to be brats should be ashamed; all women who had unecessary abortions are murderers.

I have always felt that a husband should sign-off on an abortion but that is not the law that came out of Roe v. Wade. Bcause of the law and my ex-wifes selfishness I lost a child and a wife; with the latter, no complaint.
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01:32 PM on 06/01/2012
Sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with you that husbands should be allowed to take part in the decision of abortion. Too bad the Supreme Court does not agree. I hope life has found a way to help you heal. Best of luck to you.
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Gary H Mayer
03:17 PM on 06/01/2012
karianez: Thank you for your kind comments. I am very resilient. Unfortunately, our first and only offspring (a son) and his wife have decided to forego having children, so I will never be a grandfather either and the family name will cease to exist because I have no brothers, however, this is hardly a hardship or thorn to bear; other peole face much more serious issues in their lives.
03:39 PM on 06/01/2012
What has this got to do with Jillian Michaels' decision to adopt, pray tell?
08:26 AM on 06/01/2012
After the Women's Health article came out Jillian clarified statements made, indicated some of the statements attributed to her were not made, and mentioned then about endometriosis. Also, get your facts straight about when the children entered into her and Heidi's lives: Phoenix was born May 3 and four days later she left to bring their daughter home. Jillian is the first to tell everyone when she makes a mistake or is wrong - is quick to apologize. What other celebrities or those who have provided information / direction based on their current knowledge have EVER apologized after finding out they weren't right? Motherhood is so hard when dealing with just one new baby/toddler, and she has two within one week. It took a year before Jillian could bring home her daughter from Haiti. God Blessed that little girl when Jillian and Heidi came into her life!
07:30 AM on 06/01/2012
Like so many people..Jillian found it so damn easy to give advice when it comes to having children when she herself didn't have any! Now that she does, oh my goodness!!!! Suddenly she understands.
07:28 AM on 06/01/2012
Our kids are now grown with kids of their own and I used to HATE it when people would tell me that I had to get out and exercise, get " me time" etc. Whether you are a full time at home mom or a working mom, it is almost impossible and I am sorry but when I decided to have a child I KNEW that for many years my child would come first. Not me, not my husband not anyone. Raising a child is a ton of work and unfortunately in many households the mom still gets the bulk of the work. Things are slowly changing in that area and more and more men are taking on some of the responsibilities of young children and babies.
02:04 PM on 05/31/2012
I Think Jillian Is One Of The Meanest Trainers I Have Ever Seen, She Does Not Focus On Strengths, She Focus's On WEAKNESS And Enjoys It, Like A Lion With Raw Meat!!! I Find Her Un Motivational And In Sincere, Anything With Her On It, I Would Never Watch. I Do Believe She Is Very Un Kind And Looks Like She Enjoys The Power Of It.
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bigbe
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
01:46 PM on 06/01/2012
She's far too ''hard'' looking and acting. I just don't find her motivating.
12:07 PM on 05/31/2012
She needs to apologize for using adoption as a 'cure' for infertility and for going to a source like Haiti, where we know that nearly 95% of all child have been illegally trafficked, have not been formally/legally relinquished, and often outright stolen from vulnerable, poor parents. Adoption is not about finding children for homes that desperately want them (and wish to avoid the 'struggles of pregnancy'), but should be about finding homes for children who desperately need them. It is a measure of last resort, when no other options exist. Being born into poverty in Haiti does not qualify as a 'child desperately needing a home'. I am so sick of this celebrity adoption-craze, as if children were new handbags. What about the more than 100,000 children languishing here in care in the US? Stop lauding these narcissistic nobodies -- their behavior is hardly altruistic. Apparently we've conveniently forgotten about celebu-traffickers like Joan Crawford and Joan Russell. Ask their kids how well their parents' 'altruism' worked for them.
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Sprinks678
Have I said too much? Probably.
09:57 AM on 06/01/2012
Adoption certianly isn't a cure for infertility, but it is a solution. I personally would only adopt if I knew the child was coming from someone who had proper prenatal care and was reasonably intelligent. Many of the children languishing here in the US are drug babies or older children who have been removed from abusive homes. Many have deep psychological problems. I guess these celebrities at least have the money to deal with all of the mental, educational and social issues that the older children that they adopt will have. I can't blame people for attempting to adopt newborns, no matter what country they come from, in order to get a child that is less damaged.
03:37 PM on 06/01/2012
"Less damaged"?? Seriously? Or is that just code for "I'd like a blank slate child on which I can write my own personal history and forget that the child already had one"? Apparently you only want a healthy, white, womb-fresh infant. Adoption is neither a cure nor a solution for infertility. Infertility is nature's way of telling you you weren't meant to parent. You are what make adoption activists world-wide cringe. Please stick with goldfish.
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NOVEMBER1944
04:38 PM on 06/01/2012
You should shut up. You are giving info out here that is incorrect and making yourself look dumber than you are. There is hothing wrong with adoption and giving a child from a 3rd world country a chance to live in the USA. The children "languishing" in the US at least get 3 meals a day and if it were not so hard to adopt people wouldnt need to go to other countries. There are more screwed up kids that are bio children in the world than adopted ones because of ding bat people like you. It is none of anyones business why people adopt or where and your hardon for Hollywood shows nothing but a bitterness for not being one of them and having money .
How many kids have you adopted??? None I bet You couldnt pass the tests to be able to adopt...95 percent of these kids were illegally adopted?? Now you tell out right lies..Send the links to where you got this from..aw never mind no one wants to see a link with a picture of your ass on it because that where you got all all these lies from.
08:17 AM on 05/31/2012
Clearly you didn't follow her response to the uproar, because she has made clear a thousand times that her comment had literally NOTHING to do with pregnancy giving her a bad body. It had to do with her endometriosis and PCOS. Recently she admitted that she also didn't want to go through the struggles of pregnancy (such as always being tired, morning sickness, etc.), but that getting her body back would be the least of her worries. That's her specialty, she would have no problem getting the weight off in an instant.

Anyway, I'm absolutely overjoyed for Jillian, I think she will be an amazing mother.
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Pondering panda
07:55 AM on 05/31/2012
im torn over weather or not she owes an apology. One part of me feels that what she said was not a big deal, and i hear the exact sentiments from lots of girlfriends and have even said it myself. So its not a big deal. The other part of me, (the part that admonished Jessica Simpson for gaining a ton of weight and then getting a weight watchers deal) feels that she is a public figure and more importantly a public figure that is famous because she is a fitness expert, should be more guarded with what she says. I long for the day when people will not be so impressionable and we can all stop walking on egg shells.
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pepper1311
POGS are dirt
03:18 AM on 05/31/2012
Are Chinese adoptions out?
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Jeffrey Marks
09:25 AM on 05/31/2012
Many countries will not adopt to single mothers/fathers or gay couples.
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pepper1311
POGS are dirt
05:20 PM on 05/31/2012
I was being a little nasty. For 15 years it was adopt a Chinese not African or Haiti. I quests it the 'starts' who set whom to adopt. A lot of kids here,who need homes. Gotta give Rosie credit for buying American.
09:59 PM on 05/30/2012
You don't need to "put yourself first" you just need to take care of yourself. Being a mother and taking care of yourself are not mutually exclusive. You can take care of yourself and still prioritize your kids. People create these silly false dichotomies.
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Jan Baer
grandparentoptions
07:59 PM on 06/20/2012
Sometimes we need to take small moments to take care of ourselves. I do think it is good for our kids to learn that we have needs, too, and that they ultimately aren't the center of the universe. Kindness and patience help very young children become secure and self confident that they can trust the world, but at some point they can begin to understand that others have feelings, ideas, needs, and rights. Having siblings and/or participating in an active preschool with other kids is a great way to learn to deal with the reality of others. (As an only child (for the first 12 years), it has taken me a long time to be able to give and take with others.) www.grandparentoptions.com