Jodi Kantor, who seems to know almost as much about what goes on in the Obama household as the Obamas themselves, has written a summary in today's New York Times of the parenting rules in effect at the White House for 11-year-old Sasha and 14-year-old Malia.
Kantor writes:
- When the girls go on trips, they write reports on what they have seen, even if their school does not require it.
- Technology is for weekends. Malia can use her cellphone only then, and she and her sister cannot watch television or use a computer for anything but homework during the week.
- Malia and Sasha had to take up two sports: one they chose and one selected by their mother. "I want them to understand what it feels like to do something you don't like and to improve," the first lady has said.
- Malia must learn to do laundry before she leaves for college.
- The girls have to eat their vegetables, and if they say that they are not hungry, they cannot ask for cookies or chips later. "If you're full, you're full," Mrs. Obama said in an interview with Ladies' Home Journal. "I don't want to see you in the kitchen after that."
They also will be back at school Friday morning, hours after appearing with their father when he accepts renomination for President on Thursday night.
Good rules, probably. And, I confess, though I have experimented with versions of each of these over the years, I never managed the consistency that aides say the Obamas have. Some, of course, would have made no sense -- my boys never went on the kind of trips the Obama girls do, so there would not have been much to write reports about. And others don't apply because I don't live in the White House. The reason my guys needed cellphones -- in case of emergency once they started wandering out in the world on their own -- is moot when the Secret Service is following you around all the time. There is also the interesting question of whether rules like these are all the more important for two girls who will be otherwise be getting the message from the world that the rules don't apply to them.
But mostly I lacked backbone. I thought allowing my sons to try one activity after another, dropping them after a reasonable period of "trying", was a sign of flexibility, though even then I knew it was also a way to avoid arguments. And insisting that any food be finished, vegetables or otherwise, felt like forced feeding to me, though the result was that a lot of vegetables went uneaten.
What rules do you successfully stick with at your house? Which ones have you abandoned? Do you have any regrets?
Before you answer, I just want to say, that I would probably make it a rule that my children could skip school the morning after either of their parents accepted a presidential nomination. And also, both my sons DO know how to do their own laundry. More or less.
Follow Lisa Belkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisabelkin
It's hard to enforce rules regularly - especially as kids get older. I suppose having an entire nation watching what you do might make it somewhat easier to stick to it.
http://www.slowfamilyliving.com
They have dumb phones that can text. My son isn't allowed to take it to school. My 15 year old daughter has to be reminded to take it with her - she commutes by bus to the university and I have to pick her up at the transit station. The phone allows me to sync with her for her pickup.
Screen amusement for my 12 year old son is limited to 1 hour during the week (2 hours on weekend days) after homework and chores are done. I can't really restrict my daughter, who amuses herself by wiki walking in the midst and after her homework.
Our meals are all scratch cooked. Indeed, in season most of the ingredients are home grown. They have to eat it. What they don't finish at mealtime they get for lunch the next day. My son's bedtime is enforced. After my daughter's misadventures with late nights and all-nighters last year, I don't expect significant problems with bed time with my daughter this year. She learned the hard way.
2-No technology during week. Restricting tv, cells phone and computer use until homework is done is understandable as is monitoring what's accessed and restricting hours used but not a blanket ban.
3-2 sports and mommy picks one. Not every kid loves sports, some would rather play a musical instrument or hike in the woods. My own son was on his high school's freshman football team that won every game and were division champions. He was an average player but didn't feel the practice time put in was worth the limited time he played. i wanted him to play sophomore year. He told me he would if I insisted but would hate me. What's accomplished except resentment?
4-Must learn to do laundry before college. My boys were helping with laundry in grade school. If something was dirty they wanted to wear before laundry day, they washed and dried it themselves.
5-Have to eat veggies or no snacks later if they say they're full. Crime-not eating vegetables. Punishment-no snacks later. My kids always had home-cooked meals and restricted snacks but were never forced to eat everything on their plate. Never were fatties and as adults, into healthy eating. I wouldn't want her for my mom.
When my youngest son was in grade school, we traveled to a city in the Mexican interior with a friend. We stayed with his schoolteacher relatives, who lived in a middle-class neighborhood. We, also, spent time with his grandmother, whose small home had a dirt floor and outdoor toilet. Even though my son spoke no Spanish, he enjoyed spending the day with my friend's aunt and being with the children in her class. He received generosity and kindness from an old woman, who had little by our standards and helped her feed her chickens without being asked. When he came down with a bug, he experienced Mexican medicine when the doctor who lived down the block examined him. While he didn't like being put in a cold water to bring down his fever, it surprised him that a nurse came twice a day to give him an antibiotic shot and check him and wouldn't accept any money for her trouble. He didn't have to write a report to prove he'd learned something from his experience in another country. He carried the warmth of it's people home with him.
Why two sports? Why not dance or music lessons?
Everything is abbreviated and NOT verbatim!!