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Lisa Belkin

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I Bake For You, Therefore I Love You

Posted: 12/16/11 09:38 AM ET

I have been strolling memory lane over the past few days, and the sensory trigger has been... cookies.

First Jennifer Steinhauer decided it was a good use of space in the New York Times Dining Section this week to scold parents (read:mothers) who bring store bought contributions to school bake sales. She approvingly quotes Lynne Olver, the editor of Foodtimeline.org, who says: "...traditional American society associates 'homemade' with love and caring. Which means contributors choosing to buy goods are regarded as cheap and dismissive."

Steinhauer's piece caused quite the uproar, with Madeline Holler over on babble.com, among others, pointing out what should be obvious:

This divide between moms who bake and moms who don't is old and tired and, incidentally, only ever seems to bother moms who bake (if it actually bothers them at all). The moms who bake are putting in more time, but then again, they like to bake. So what's the problem?

Doesn't it make you nostalgic for the 50s? Wasn't that the last moment in the US when it was completely acceptable to equate how much a woman (read:mother) cares, with how much (and how well) she bakes? How retro of Steinhauer to bring it back, no?

Or maybe it's the early 90s that she's channeling, during the brief reprise of the cookies-as-the-measure-of-a-mom meme on the campaign trail. First Hillary Clinton off-handedly quipped that she had better things to do (read:her full time job as a lawyer) than prove her worth with a baking tray. "I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas," she said. "But what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession."

Cue resulting outrage. Then fast forward a few months to the recipe-off in Family Circle magazine where readers got to vote for Clinton's chocolate chip recipe "made with oatmeal and shortening," the Times made sure to tell us back then, against Mrs. Bush's, "made without oatmeal but with butter." (The Bushes won the cookie vote; the Clintons won the vote that mattered.) With Clinton now duly (and newly) respectful of the importance of cookies, Jacqueline Leo, the editor of Family Circle at the time, could turn her attention to Margot Perot, wife of oil magnate/dark horse candidate Ross' Perot, who clearly hadn't gotten the "cookies as a measure of one's womanly worth" memo. Perot had been invited to participate but had not submitted a recipe, Leo said, adding "My feeling was that she orders in."

But this here is a new century, right? And the au courant measure of good parenting (because there always has to be one... we always have to measure...) has become NOT sending homemade cookies out into the world where they might hurt someone.

Two years ago, the bake sales Steinhauer sees as a test of love and honor, were banned in New York City schools. Cue the outrage again, and that order was amended so that homemade treats, specifically, were banned, on the theory that anything could be lurking in the treats -- stray allergens, bacteria from unclean family kitchens, laxatives from someone with a warped sense of humor. Only store bought items, with reassuring nutritional labels, were allowed.

But that is all SO last year. Now the trend is to keep anything homemade out of our schools. At one Chicago school, for instance, children are not allowed to bring homemade lunch and must eat what is served in the cafeteria, which was, by definition, cooked by the lowest bidder. And there will be no sweets at holiday parties at at least one Boston school district this year. The superintendent says no, this is not the attack on Christmas that some are accusing, but rather an attempt to fight child obesity.

"We aren't trying to take the Christmas out of Christmas. We're not trying to take the enjoyment out of children's lives," Everett Olsen told WBZ NewsRadio yesterday.

Phew. I am glad to hear there is a message. Because, clearly, a cookie can't just be a cookie.

 
 
 
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04:56 PM on 12/19/2011
When you come from Mothers and Grandmothers who LOVE to bake for their families, I say go for it. If that is something that you like to do. It is like sharing your wine with people you love. Your food with people you love.

The move to sterilize the food our children can eat to something that comes out of a bag will fill up their tummies. Not ever going to taste the same. It is not about competition. It is about sharing from your heart something you have made with love.

Just sold wine barrels to a guy who grows all kinds of vegetables at their place to share with Loaves and Fishes. That is my kind of person. They are out there.
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mmvernes
Catty and Chatty
09:04 AM on 12/19/2011
I work a full-time job & take care of the household as my husband travels for his job. I still find time to bake........My family enjoys the treats & the smells of baking in the kitchen lures them all in to see what's cooking & just leads to good conversation, smiles & laughter over cookies. It's a way for us to connect. I make time to do this - I may give up time at the gym or ignore the laundry for another time. To me it's worth it.
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c-tom
Badges we don't need no stinking badges
12:54 AM on 12/19/2011
It's hard to tell from your picture but perhaps you don't actually remember the 50s. But no one back then ever believed that one could equate: how much a woman cares, with how much she bakes? Nor did we believe that if a man gave a woman a fur coat it meant he really loved her. In fact most people back then didn't believed women women were only good for Kinder, Küche, Kirche.
12:25 AM on 12/19/2011
I can remember when my mom brought home our first family cookie jar. But for a couple of years we never used it, so one day I asked her, if you never put cookies in it is it still a cookie jar? My mom promptly whipped up a batch of peanut butter cookies with mine and my brothers help. It's been nearly twenty years and the cookie jar has never been empty for more than two or three days at most.
collectsrocks
It's good to be good & nice to be nice
05:32 PM on 12/18/2011
Recently my neighbor was lamenting the fact that baked goods for her need to be gluten free and she misses home baked foods. She had gluten free Bisquick and I told her about a coffee cake I used to make about 40 years back using the regular Bisquick and offered to make a gulten free version of it. I couldn't find my receipe but remembered it, making her a gluten free version of the coffee cake I used to bake. The home baked coffee cake made her as happy as if it were her birthday. Baking ='d happiness I re-discovered. :=D
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ninjasrolled
Orbiting a small unregarded yellow sun
06:28 AM on 12/18/2011
I grew up with a mom who worked full time and cooked rarely as we entered middle and high school. Now I have discovered cooking and food, and consider cooking as therapy. I don't have to do it, so I love it. If I viewed it as a chore, I wouldn't relish it so much.
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anitafeeney
no matter where you go there you are
01:34 AM on 12/18/2011
i grew up in an italian family none of my relatives is a slouch in the cooking department and the men cook just as well as the women but no matter the occasion they always brought food funerals birthdays wakes marriages baby showers babies births you name the occasion they brought the food (all from scratch too ) but who has time to cook like that any more i dont
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syds180turn
Independent and Proud of It!
08:04 PM on 12/17/2011
When you have worked all day and come home, the last thing you want to do is stand in a hot kitchen and bake cookies, cakes, pies or really, any darn thing else. This coming from a woman who likes to bake. However, this combating childhood obesity sickness is producing what? Kids didn't start becoming obese until the advent of video games, PC's and sedentary behavior meaning schools have taken PE and cut it out of the budget, little Becky and Bobby are too fragile to run, jump and play dodgeball and kickball like we use to when we were kids, Mom and Dad allow them to mindlessly sit there in front of the TV as well as staying on their cells talking and texting for hours and now schools aren't allowing baked goods because of the supposed unknown factor. Really? Do we really truly know what's in the food we buy everyday at the market...heck no. But getting back to baking...it's fine if you're one of these stay-at-home Moms who has nothing else better to do than watch the Food Network and try new recipes, but in this day and age, most people are two income families and if you bake, you do it on the weekend. It doesn't mean you love your children less, however when your job is contributing to them keeping a roof over their heads, then sorry...store bought pastries are the name of the game.
Bianca S
You can't go trick-or-treating. Ever. For a week
12:03 PM on 12/18/2011
"i­t's fine if you're one of these stay-at-ho­me Moms who has nothing else better to do than watch the Food Network"

Wow, judgmental and snobby much? "Nothing else better to do"? I don't know of any stay at home mom who has the luxury of doing "nothing else" but watch tv. Furthermore, in case you didn't know, the Food Network airs 24-7, you know, when all the college students, teachers, doctors and accountants have "nothing better to do", but "watch the Food Network" and try some new baking recipes (Jamie Oliver frequently bakes on his prime time show).
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syds180turn
Independent and Proud of It!
12:32 PM on 12/18/2011
Please...I have friends who are those women who watch the Food Network and stay at home. They readily admit that if they worked, it wouldn't be possible to do tablescapes and try intricate recipes as they do now. So, put a sock in it...I'm not snobby nor judgmental, just aware that there's a different dynamic when you park your butt at home as opposed to going into an office everyday...working 16 hrs and then having to travel extensively. I have nothing against stay-at-home moms but let's get real here.
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inmyhumbleopinion
Vote third party.
01:36 PM on 12/17/2011
This reminds me of that hilarious passage in Alison Pearson's book, "I Don't Know How She Does It". And I quote:

"Women used to have time to make mince pies and had to fake orgasms. Now we can manage the orgasms, but we have to fake the mince pies. And they call this progress."

That about sums it up. :-)
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KIVPossum
Moldova Marsupial
07:23 AM on 12/17/2011
What about good dads making cookies? My wife is a stranger to the kitchen. And when she does go in, everyone leaves home. No matter what mix of foodstuffs she uses, she produces the same brown, bland, burnt dish every time
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anitafeeney
no matter where you go there you are
02:52 AM on 12/19/2011
i managed to burn water
04:44 AM on 12/17/2011
it sounds silly because the word is 'cookies'. but really, it's important to bake for your children (moms and dads too). that wonderful fragrance draws the family to the kitchen, and there's always fun banter as we try to eat the first batch while it's too hot to touch.

my mom used to heat up store-bought cookies in the oven, but we were on to her. they smelled chemically, and we knew she was cheating.

truly, it takes just a few minutes to whip up a batch. like any other baking, you get a good basic recipe, and use it over and over. it's an easy routine, and you can vary it with additions like nuts or toppings. muffins are the same way--by the time the oven is preheated, the pans are filled. it's that fast.

and yes, i always had a full time job, took night classes, and cooked from scratch, too, while raising my kids. maybe it was just easier for me than for others, but i sure didn't learn it from my mom. i just really wanted to give my kids those memories, and that visible, tactile, fragrant kind of love that you pull out of the oven.

and if kids can't have home baked goodies from bake sales or at school parties, then it's extra important they get the chance in their own kitchens. baking is too ancient and fundamental to let it go to the factories.
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anitafeeney
no matter where you go there you are
01:43 AM on 12/18/2011
i work 2 jobs my husband puts in 40+ hours a week who has time to bake i should think that putting food in your kids stomach a roof over their head making sure they are clean and have clean clothes and making sure the house is clean i should think that all of these things would show your kid you care about them dont get me wrong i am not downin g your comment and if you managed it more power to you but honestly who has time to bake i sure as heck dont
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anitafeeney
no matter where you go there you are
01:47 AM on 12/18/2011
another good way to show your kids you love them spend TIME with them all the cookies in the world wont make up for not spending time with them help them with home work
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waldopepper
I'd tell you all about me if you were my friend.
04:08 AM on 12/17/2011
Really good Mums bake butter tarts. With red currents and not those awful raisins. RED CURRENTS!
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LisaLisa1234
10:17 PM on 12/17/2011
Hee hee...don't hate me...

We don't want red currents: http://serc.carleton.edu/microbelife/topics/redtide/

What we do want: http://www.crfg.org/pubs/ff/currants.html

I'll be sure to put them in the butter tarts I have to go dig up a recipe for so I can be a really good Mum. ;)
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waldopepper
I'd tell you all about me if you were my friend.
12:20 AM on 12/18/2011
If you want my Mum's recipe just ask.
10:52 AM on 12/18/2011
Hah, you beat me to it!! But I'll bet it went right over his head ...
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anitafeeney
no matter where you go there you are
01:44 AM on 12/18/2011
i am allergic to red currents
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waldopepper
I'd tell you all about me if you were my friend.
03:30 AM on 12/18/2011
More for me. Pass this message on to your Mum please. Get baking.
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whoknew---
04:06 AM on 12/17/2011
I worked full time at a demanding job & I made killer cookies too for my kids. I used to make
A couple batches & freeze the cookie dough as needed. It's not that big of a deal, you have to be really organized. As long as you have the ingredients on hand and a good mixer you can put it together in about fifteen minutes.

Why all this fuss about cooking and holding down a job?
03:33 AM on 12/17/2011
One episode of Mad Men left me grateful that I had a mom who didn't bake, but instead stood up to men in the workplace. Keeping a clean home is important. Baking is overrated.....and leaves one heavier than they wish to be.
02:38 AM on 12/17/2011
So what if you're a mom who makes Betty-Crocker-mix cakes and refrigerated pre-made-cookie-dough cookies from the tube? Is that 1/2-love?
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HellBank
Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.
05:37 AM on 12/17/2011
Nibbling that pre-made cookie dough feels like love to me.
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Lisa Belkin
Life/Work/Family/Coffee
11:57 AM on 12/17/2011
Ironically, the day I wrote this I came home to find the tub of cookie dough that I had ordered from the elementary school fundraiser had just arrived!