Spanking was a subject of debate on every parenting website on the continent during the past week, and I don't understand why.
Yes, I know why it was a topic of conversation -- the prestigious journal Pediatrics released a study early in the week showing a possible link between childhood spanking and mental health struggles later in that child's life, and that was news worth talking about.
What I don't understand is why it was a debate. By definition, that would require two sides. I see only one.
At what point does something become simple fact? The Pediatrics article was just the latest in a decades-long march of studies showing spanking -- defined as hitting with an open hand in order to correct or punish -- to be ineffective at best and psychologically harmful at worst.
In April, an article in the Canadian Medical Association Journal analyzed two decades of data and concluded that spanking has no upside, and its downsides include increased risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse and aggressive behavior later in life.
A few years earlier, another Pediatrics study, this one by researchers at Tulane University, concluded that children who are spanked as often as twice a month at age 3 are twice as likely to become aggressive, destructive and mean when they are 5.
And it has been a decade since Columbia University psychologists went through more than 80 studies over 62 years and found that there was a "strong correlation" between parents who used "corporal punishment" and children who demonstrated 11 measurable childhood behaviors. Ten of the behaviors were negative, including such things as increased aggression and increased antisocial behavior. Only one could be considered positive -- spanking did result in "immediate compliance."
So would pointing a gun in their general direction. But that does not make it the right thing to do. And, as other research points out, if that temporary compliance comes at the price of long-term depression or defiance, then what has really been gained?
In spite of this mountain of data, though, polls and studies find that up to 90 percent of parents spank their children. And each time we parenting reporters write about the latest studies, our comment threads fill with practitioners, whose remarks range from outrage ("I was hit and I turned out okay god damn it") to despair ("I don't want to hit, but it is the only way I can get them to listen"). (You can get the idea here...)
I am continually amazed at what it takes to redirect parenting opinion. It is dizzying how quickly one study or article can -- sometimes -- change our ways. We started placing infants on their backs rather than their stomachs when there were hints of correlation, but not proof of causation, with crib death. Pregnant women stopped having sushi, soft cheese, caffeine and even a sip of alcohol on the remote but striking possibility that a small amount could have consequences. BPA bottles disappeared in certain circles overnight when there was an unofficial link to cancer.
But other times, we just don't want to know. In that way the spanking conversation is like the vaccine "debate." In spite of no credible evidence of a link with autism, and many studies that tried and failed to find such a link, there are some minds that just won't change.
Your parents hit you, and you are okay? They probably smoked around you, too, and they didn't make you wear a seatbelt, either, but we know better now. Also, might I respectfully ask how you know that you're okay? Perhaps if your parents hadn't hit their kids, you wouldn't feel a need to hit your own?
It is the only thing that works when your children won't listen? Swedish children are not running amok in the streets, and spanking has been illegal there since 1979. Sweden was the first of 32 countries -- including Costa Rica, Israel, Kenya and most of Europe -- to approve such a law.
Some questions really don't have two sides. "Is it okay to do something to your child that would land you in jail if you did it to a stranger on the street?" is one of those. You can phrase it other ways too -- like "Is it okay to hurt a child because it serves your immediate goal when science shows it can lead to long-term harm?" But there is still just one answer.
And yet, we keep seeing it presented as a disagreement.
"To Spank or Not to Spank" was the headline on both the CNN's report yesterday and the "Good Morning America" segment on Thursday about the latest Pediatrics study. The "Today" piece added the tagline: "Mommy Wars: Raging Parenting Debate," and a Babble blogger was found to represent each side.
But there aren't two sides. There is a preponderance of fact, and there are people who find it inconvenient to accept those facts.
Where, exactly is the debate?
Follow Lisa Belkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisabelkin
Even if you are against spanking, that is some really terrible reasoning.
We raised 5 children, none of them were spanked. Did we sometimes wonder if spanking would be easier and get it done, yes we did. Did I want to grab a wooden spoon and paddle bottoms as I spent an hour wrangling little ones back onto the time out chair, you betcha! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I could see myself at a very young age defiantly saying to my dad "go ahead, spank me, you can't make me cry!" I didn't want to see that in my own child.
When I look around my table, on special occasions, I see five adults ranging in age from 22-27, that genuinely care for each other and us. If we had spanked them, would they have turned out "okay"..probably. We chose not to, and we think they turned out better than just "okay".
Read this, please:
http://www.nkmr.org/english/the_children_are_embarrassing_sweden.htm
I thought not. The law is quite simple: it is AS illegal to hit a child as it is to hit an adult.
Some Swedish children behave badly. The majority do not. Just like in every culture on this planet. Don't believe me? Go *live in Sweden* for a while. Of COURSE you can punish children here - just are simply expected to follow the law when doing so.
Stop being ignorant.
and I was quoting one of many articles I found, related to this subject, I did not write it but other Swedes... living in Sweden too
The fact is that Sweden has got nearly the highest number per capita of children removed (stolen) from their loving parents; that's why parents feel - and often ARE - helpless in bringing children up - radical (meaning: fundamental, no compromises, following personal values & beliefs, also religious) attitudes are considered by the state's employees (teachers, social services, doctors) as oppressive towards children, as breaking the law of 'limiting ones freedom', and this leads to severe consequences
children end up in foster care or orphanages, where - listen carefully now - the physical or emotional abuse rate is MUCH HIGHER... read the government report on this problem, most of 'states' care' places are flawed with it... where is your law and the wonderful state that introduced it?
http://www.svd.se/nyheter/inrikes/vanvardade-fosterbarn-far-ersattning_6510274.svd
http://regeringen.se/content/1/c6/16/07/40/328df003.pdf
(in Swedish)
BTW, why are you calling me names? maybe it is time you learned something about your own country too, rather than just believing what smiling TV programmes tell the wide audience (in other countries this is called PROPAGANDA)
The 'state' can kidnap children just because someone decides that a single parent working in a stores cannot support the child well enough... 'slapping' is not even needed as a reason, the kid would get it later in the forster home anyway - but the parents cannot do it
not that I support slapping, on the contrary
I just said that Sweden is no example at all in any discussion about child care, in fact if you rear more about eugenics in Sweden (63000 sterilised people, most forcibly, between 1941 and 1974) you will see that this country is not really a good example for anything related to human rights...
The fact is that when spanking is used the way that it is meant to be used, to enforce rules that will keep your child safe, and is accompanied with talking to the child about why they are being spanked, it can be very effective.
Does that mean that every parent should spank their child? NO. If you are not comfortable with it than don't do it. But don't judge others if they choice to.
So Lisa, I disagree. There is a debate.
You basically claim that, for example, the Canadian Medical Association Journal lie? All right.
Please describe the scientific mistakes made in the quoted research which makes you certain the data is "not significant"
That being said, here is the way that I see based off research I have done, things I have studied, and personal experience with children.
If you are looking at scientific catalogs, you can find just as many studies stating that there is no link between spanking and future mentel instabilities and you can find stating that there is. That is because there is no ethical way to study or experiment this particular subject. You can't control enough of the variable in this situation.
Let's take a couple lines out of the old Liberal playbook:
"If you don't like spanking, then don't spank YOUR kids!"
"Stay out of our bedrooms!"
I'm not going to fight you on the the abortion issue. That's more complicated, and it depends on whether and to what degree you see a fetus as a fully-fledged person and bearer of rights, among other questions. You may be right on that point. But the second half of your comment just wasn't fair.
"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul." - Proverbs 29:15, 17
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11
"The rod of correction brings wisdom to the child. It provides an immediate tactile demonstration of the foolishness of rebellion. Properly administered discipline humbles the heart of a child, making him subject to parental instruction. An atmosphere is created in which instruction can be given. The spanking renders the child compliant and ready to receive life-giving words." - Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart
Spanking must be done correctly, with a heart and attitude of resolve and love. Anything, including spanking, done out of anger, is wrong, and will cause problems.
I see no debate either. Spank your children unless you want a foolish, selfish, rebellious child.
How do you explain Psalm 23's "thy rod and thy staff comfort me"? You can't, because the modern, English and strict interpretation of "rod" has been interpreted as a stick for beating, spanking, whatever term you want to assign to it. The Hebrew word "shebet" in the biblical times was often used in connection with "God's authority" and can be substituted with the word rod. The shepherd's rod comforts, guides, instructs and protects the sheep. If the shepherd hit his sheep, he would lose his flock. The rod and the staff are tools for shepherding, guiding and protecting. The rod in childrearing is a metaphor for the same. Spanking is entirely a man-made construct, not a biblical one. Discipline and guidance can stand totally apart from spanking.
As little as twice a month. During the study. With researchers who are probably mandatory reporters. If they were beating the kids and leaving marks, the wouldn't have been participating in a study, they'd have been in jail.