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Lisa Belkin

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So, Like, You Want Your Kids To Speak, Like, Properly?

Posted: 02/28/2012 1:02 pm

Has your daughter growled at you lately? Or ended statements with question marks? Or used texting shorthand as if they were real words?

Yes, she sounds like an airhead. But she might also be advancing the cause of human communication.

Such is the suggestion of reporter Douglas Quenqua in the Science section of the New York Times today, in an article titled "They're, Like, Way Ahead of the Linguistic Currrrve." All those verbal tics that grate on parents when their children use them, Quenqua writes, "whether it be uptalk (pronouncing statements as if they were questions? Like this?), creating slang words like 'bitchin' ' and 'ridic,' or the incessant use of 'like' as a conversation filler," might actual make them trendsetters and pioneers.

Which, in turn, makes anyone who isn't a teenage girl a linguistic dinosaur, right?

He continues:

As Paris is to fashion, the thinking goes, so are young women to linguistic innovation.

'It's generally pretty well known that if you identify a sound change in progress, then young people will be leading old people,' said Mark Liberman, a linguist at the University of Pennsylvania, 'and women tend to be maybe half a generation ahead of males on average.'

Their latest innovation, according to a study at CW Post-Long Island University published in The Journal of Voice is what researchers call a "vocal fry." (A pause to stop laughing here; I grew up on the Guyland, and the idea of any study of speech coming from there ... well ... I digress.) This is described as a raspy, croaky sound most often used at the end of a sentence. (Think Mae West's last syllable when she says "Come up and see me some tiiiiiime...")

And, linguists tell us, we are supposed to view this as sophisticated innovation and resist the urge to tell the young ladies to Cut. It. Out.

Sorry. I can't do that.

Maybe because I use words for a living, or maybe because I am just easily irked, I have long held teens' speech patterns against them. When my sons went through a question-mark-at-the-end-of-every-sentence phase, I wouldn't let them complete a thought until they repeated themselves and substituted a downbeat. Conversations took awhile, but we got there.

When I was a visiting journalism professor recently, I tortured my students as if they were my own children -- they would speak in class, and I would silently use my fingers to count off each time they said "like" as a placeholder. They soon stopped.

Of course I was also the parent who stopped with the baby talk when my boys were still technically babies -- and apparently there are good arguments against that approach, too. Researchers have found that baby talk teaches the fundamentals of language more effectively than adult language and that it is a form of emotional bonding between mother and child. (As in so many studies, fathers were not included in these.) Yet I came to feel like an idiot babbling inanely at my kids, particularly in public, when the English language was filled with evocative and descriptive words. Which is probably why my 3-year-old once explained to me that he wasn't responsible for making his baby brother cry because "he provoked-ed me, Mommy."

In an interview with People magazine recently, the actor Neil Patrick Harris explained that he and his fiance, David Burtka, only used "real language" with their 15-month-old twins, because that's how the star himself was raised. "My parents always talked to my brother and myself like we were regular people and not babies," he said. "So I don't talk down to them in baby talk. I try to talk to them even though they can't speak the language yet."

Harris certainly got the knack of speech, as have my sons, so I figure there wasn't too much damage done. I also have to assume that the language will evolve just fine without my own family adding its share of growls and "likes" and inappropriate question marks. In fact, it already has. According to Quenqua, "the use of 'like' in a sentence, 'apparently without meaning or syntactic function, but possibly as emphasis,' has made its way into the Webster's New World College Dictionary, Fourth Edition." And "uptalk," too, has crossed "the age and gender boundary." Quenqua quotes one linguistics professor as saying, "I've heard grandfathers and grandmothers use it. I occasionally use it myself."

In 20 more years, when that same professor is growling and frying, he can thank some of the children of today. But not mine.

 
 
 
Has your daughter growled at you lately? Or ended statements with question marks? Or used texting shorthand as if they were real words? Yes, she sounds like an airhead. But she might also be advanci...
Has your daughter growled at you lately? Or ended statements with question marks? Or used texting shorthand as if they were real words? Yes, she sounds like an airhead. But she might also be advanci...
 
 
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10:59 PM on 03/02/2012
I've noticed the annoying "vocal fry" for a few years and am surprised it's taken linguists this long to notice this trend. Perhaps they'll do a study on why many people, especially New Yorkers, put an "h" in words that have an "str" combination. For example, words like "street" and "strong" become "shtreet" and "shtrong". "History" becomes "hishtree". This applies also to two-word combinations: "It's true" becomes "itch true," "get strict" becomes "getch trict", etc. It sounds as if all these folks have ill- fitting dentures or a mouthful of Cheez Whiz.
09:57 PM on 03/02/2012
As a psychotherapist who works with tween and teen females and males, I don't have the luxory of changing their speech. If anything I have learned to decipher and learn a new language. What I have discovered is that the question at the end of a sentence that isn't a question, is there for emphasis, as the voice goes up, sometimes a quarter of an octave. It feels like music, like a song.

Raising my daughter, Samara, now 22, who is a singer, actress and works with children, along with lots of contact with her female pals over the years, I believe some of this is phaze related, and some is a new and novel way of communicating. In middle school Sam and her girlfriends would use the word, "actually." They could start a sentence, Actually, (with their voices raised in song). "Like" is the new "actually." Really, I'm not kidding.

My mom would say, when I was in middle school, that I had a British accent. I'm from Brooklyn but I think she was right. So maybe a little insecure, a bit tentative and needing the emphasis to hear one's voice make an impact? A thought. I think there's something to that.

Well it looks like "like" is becoming part of the venacular. I wonder what's next?
professor
Correkt the Spelling and Pick on the Moniker
10:31 PM on 03/01/2012
More ignorance. "Like" has been used as an interjection since the 1950s. But of course this is the United States of Amnesia.
professor
Correkt the Spelling and Pick on the Moniker
10:30 PM on 03/01/2012
P-brane Crtn on here thinks a long sentence is a "run-on" sentence, and thinks I am a professor because my moniker is "Professor." Tremble for the fate of the nation. Don't worry about the stpd. Worry about the rocket scientists who think they are smart.
07:13 PM on 02/29/2012
I'm pretty sure when I was a teenager, I probably used "like" a lot. As I went through university and now professional school, I can say that my speech patterns have definitely changed. People grow out of this, especially people who hope to have a decent career.
04:18 PM on 02/29/2012
Welcome to the world of Generation Y, people! The future of communications is starting right now!
02:47 PM on 02/29/2012
One of the verbal utterances I truly loathe these days is the "no problem!" in response to "thank you". Why do young people think that's an appropriate response to being thanked?
03:24 PM on 02/29/2012
because it's like saying that some of us are actually willing to help our friends out and that it's not issue for us to be helpful so that in the future you can trust that person for help a again. Wow, of all the things I could be explaining about the modern youth and how it peeves older people that young people are young, that was really the last thing on my list. Honestly even my parents and grandparents respond that way.
05:59 PM on 02/29/2012
But if you sell me a cup of coffee, and I say "thank you" and you reply with "no problem", then the implication is that it might in the future be a problem, or maybe it the past it could have been a problem, but not right at this time. I'm just puzzled because you're being paid to sell me that cup of coffee, so how could it ever be a problem? Especially when the right response to "thank you" is "you're welcome". But "thank you" for the youthful perspective ;-)
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La Goulue
Might be better if pigs could fly
03:34 PM on 02/29/2012
I "havenoidea" either.. drives me crazy, too. Have gotten to the point of responding,
"Don't you mean, 'You're welcome?'.
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paledevilll
Become Blessed
02:44 PM on 02/29/2012
Applies to race also... The wearing of baseball caps, certain types of music, whatever is a determined by an groups need for inviduality. Most often a group will choose a style or appearace that provokes a reaction from the amydgala or basil ganglia as a presense deterent whatever. Futhermore i believe there are gentic triggers that occur when races interact that provoke various brain reponses ..
Applies to gender also Nowadays pacific gender steyotypes are often rejected or cherished... The little girl who refused to buy pink... woman race car drivers
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02:05 PM on 02/29/2012
I talk baby-talk to my cats - do you think it may be harming their language development?
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Fran Jaime
Yo Soy 132!
10:09 PM on 02/29/2012
Not really, but they probably think you're a little strange. ;)
01:10 PM on 03/01/2012
You are wasting your time - baby-talk or not, I have never had a cat talk back to me. Well, maybe once but I am pretty sure I had been drinking.
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01:59 PM on 02/29/2012
I was a teenage girl once. One that cursed AND used "like." I grew out of it and I would assume most others will too.
01:50 PM on 02/29/2012
They'll grow out of it. Adolescent teens live in a bubble. It's a small, safe cocoon where less is expected of them and they have very little serious responsibility. As they mature, move on to other stages of life and assume real responsibilities, the demands of the world being placed upon them will intensify and the level of sophistication and clarity necessary to communicate effectively will increase.

I was about to say something to the effect that one cannot expect 15 year olds to sound like Roman senators or Greek orators, then I stopped and jokingly wondered if perhaps Cicero and Pericles would have made similar criticisms of the youths of their respective times. Food for thought.
01:25 PM on 02/29/2012
Valley girl like-intonation....to vocal fry...to slang...it is all part of communication. I say go ahead and express yourself. Just make sure you can speak plain English (or English and Spanish and Mandarin) well in school and at job interviews. Make sure you control your means of expression....not the other way around.

For better or worse, society does judge us as much for what we say as how eloquently we say it. As a parent, I want my daughters to have substantive thoughts...and for those thoughts to be heard and not dismissed because of their packaging.

-Jill
www.cozyowl.com
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La Goulue
Might be better if pigs could fly
04:01 PM on 02/29/2012
The "valley girl-like intonation" - I hear it by some of local female newscasters in news.. to me, as some have said earlier in comments, it's like scratching a chalkboard.. I cringe.. and change the
channel. Slang... sometimes another thing.. knowing local "dialects" provides a way to communicate in a "local" environment.. to let another know you understand.
When living in French W Africa, ere so long ao, I got used to "african french".. and was really surprised, when I went to Ghana.. I found african english almost totally incomprehensible. ..cadence and vowel prounciation. One has to develop an "ear".
Life can be so interesting; I just wish it weren't so confrontational..as it is in these times.
We might all "get along" better, if we listened and made the effort to understand each other before we pass judgment... none of us is ever right about everything.
02:51 AM on 03/10/2012
So well put la goulue!
01:22 PM on 02/29/2012
I was trained to speak with the media on behalf of the corporation that employed me at one point in my career. In four hours, the trainer had managed to eliminate all of my verbal tics, nearly eradicated my use of filler words, and taught me important lessons about voice projection and collecting thoughts. The first two feats she accomplished by simply making me aware of what I'm saying at all times. Before I open my mouth I have a sentence constructed that doesn't include words such as "like," "um," or "y'know." It takes effort, but the end result is a polished, professional message that looks good on me and my employer.
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paledevilll
Become Blessed
02:24 PM on 02/29/2012
Speaks volumes on perceived incompetence and the veritable jungle the corporate America has become. While it is human nature to be adversarial often personal idiosyncrasies pollute what is suppose to be a team environment If one wants to be kind they use words like trimming the fat streamlining if one wants to be inflammatory they would compare Stranded pool of piranhas always seeking weakness for the next meal.. While your advice is valid, it also very arrogant to discount ability based upon generational difference..Those "ticks" might allow you to target whatever audience
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La Goulue
Might be better if pigs could fly
04:23 PM on 02/29/2012
Your comment would be easier to comprehend if it had complete punctuation after the first sentence... not to mention a verb/predicate, or two. 3 readings, got it.. but not sure I agree regararding "arrogant" remark.
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La Goulue
Might be better if pigs could fly
03:31 PM on 02/29/2012
In agreement, the short version of my "story" is: my parents insisted, "Think before you speak".
While growing up, I was often admonished by my father to "Think Ahea -d" on a note with the
"d" falling off the edge of the note. That was over 50 years ago. It took a while... because in retropsect I've realized I was a "handful" to raise. But , in my adult life, I learned 4 languages.. am learning a new one now.. The most important thing is to know how to listen, then think, compose one's thoughts.. then maybe, speak.
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AGarcia
12:36 PM on 02/29/2012
I agree and I think linguists still call them speech disfluencies, even in other languages: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speech_disfluencies
I don't know what to call that annoying sing-songy style of speech. Others also find it so:
http://yourspeakingpower.com/do-you-speak-sing-song/
If not for these afflictions, I believe Caroline Kennedy could have been the Senator from Massachusetts. I could be like, y'know... wrong.
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tchoupitoulav1
11:54 AM on 02/29/2012
I am a Spanish profesor and INSIST that my children speak proper English! No, dis, dat, dey, dem: or I hadn't ATE yet, I hadn't SAW it, etc. Works my LAST nerve!
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Fran Jaime
Yo Soy 132!
10:14 PM on 02/29/2012
I know what you mean. If I read one more "have WENT," I'll scream!