As a dating coach, I speak with amazing women over 50 daily about their dating lives. They communicate the desperation they are feeling about ever finding a good man to share their lives with.
Online dating has become a tremendous source of frustration and failure for them. Many become despondent at the very thought of having to go back online after a relationship ends. In fact, quite a few have completely stopped dating because the constant rejection or disinterest from men over 50 has become too painful for them.
After asking a couple of questions about their dating lives, I've consistently found most women really don't understand who these over-50 men are or what they are looking for in the women they'd like to date.
I'd like to share with you eight tips about men that you can start using right away. I've had clients use this advice and go from zero dates on their calendars to men falling over themselves to get to know these ladies better.
Tip 1. Appreciate a man for who he is.
Men are wonderful but they aren't women. They don't think like a woman, nor do they communicate like a woman. This means don't expect a man to act like a woman or you're guaranteed to be disappointed.
Tip 2. Men over 50 love when you bring their masculinity out in them.
They have no interest in competing with you. To them, that's like dating a man. The key is learning to come into your true feminine power that compliments their masculine power.
Tip 3. Men show you love with their actions.
Hollywood has messed with our heads on this one. On the big screen, they show us men like Tom Cruise's character in the movie, Jerry McGuire, professing his love with romantic speeches that end in the famous words, "You complete me." Real men show you their love by cutting your grass and giving you their coat when you're cold. If you expect love to come in words, you could be waiting a very long time.
Tip 4. Men want to give to you.
Let them open the door for you or change that light bulb you can't reach. It makes them happy to please you. All they want in return is to be appreciated and thanked. If you do this, they'll do anything you want, which leads us to Tip 5.
Tip 5. Don't criticize the job a man is doing for you.
He's doing his best and yes, you may be able to do it better or faster than he can but don't. It makes him feel emasculated. If he has offered to do something for you, allow him to do it his way. Otherwise, the next time you ask for help, he'll tell you to hire a handyman. He doesn't want the aggravation of not being able to do anything right for you.
Tip 6. When you're dating a man over 50, don't place demands on how he must be or what he must do in order to date you.
Men tell me again and again how much they dislike profiles of women who demand nothing less than the best restaurants or a certain salary to date them. Men have had enough of the demands put on them at work and from ex's. The last thing they want to do is meet yours before you've even gotten to know each other.
Tip 7. Don't try and remodel a man by making him your pet project.
Either accept him for who he is or let him go and move on.
Tip 8. A lot of men over 50 are pretty insecure when it comes to asking you out.
Having been rejected time and time again by so many women, they aren't too quick about putting themselves back in a vulnerable position unless it feels safe to do so. If you like a man, encourage him with eye contact, a warm smile or a flirt online to let them know you're interested. Remember, men weren't given a dating rule book with their divorce papers either. So be kind to them and understand that as scared as you feel about dating, most of them are too.
Lisa Copeland is the Dating Coach who makes dating over 50 fun and easy. Learn more about Lisa at www.FindAQualityMan.com.
"Medications that are prescribed for stroke issues and heart issues can have devastating effects on sexual functioning," explains Dr. Janice Epp of the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. In addition, researchers have found that a family of antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) can take the winds right out of your sails. These drugs include brand names such as Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil.
Don't be shy -- talk to your doctor about how your prescriptions are affecting your sex drive. "There are a whole lot of new drugs that don't necessarily have those side effects, but it takes a lot of experimenting," says Dr. Epp. "Sometimes it takes three to four different tries to find the one that's best for you."
"People of both sexes can develop pain disorders as they get older, and that can have a big effect on sexuality," notes Patty Brisben, founder and chairwoman of Pure Romance, a company that specializes in selling sex toys and providing information on women's sexual health issues.
Brisben suggests re-evaluating your definition of sex. "Being intimate does not necessarily mean having sex in the traditional sense," she says. Some solutions sensual touching and massages and mutual masturbation. Dr. Epp suggests looking into new positions. "Sit on a chair, try being in different positions," she says. "Side by side actually puts the least amount of stress on your joints."
The National Sleep Foundation recommends getting seven to eight hours of shut eye a night. But with the stress of work, kids, bills and, oh yeah, your marriage, who can think about fitting in time to have sex, much less sleep?
For some couples the days of random romps may be behind them, and that's alright, says Dr. Epp. "Plan some sex dates around times that you know you feel more energetic -- it lets you look forward to it," she says. "Some people say, 'Sex should be spontaneous!' to which I say bullsh*t," she says, laughing. "You plan other things in your life and you don't complain about it. You can do the same with sex."
Waning libido and vaginal dryness are two unpleasant side effects of menopause. With increased longevity, "women can now expect to spend a third of their lives in post-menopausal years," Brisben said. "So understanding how you're being affected by those changing hormones is essential."
A dip in estrogen may lead to thinning vaginal walls and itchiness in the area. According to the Mayo Clinic, treatments can include vaginal estrogen creams such as Estrace and Premarin; a flexible estrogen ring that is inserted; or estrogen pills, patches or gels.
"I think if you're just now embracing this subject at or around age 50, you've got some catching up to do!" Brisben tells Huff/Post50. But it's never too late to start having a frank and honest conversation with your partner about what you want in bed.
"I recommend having these conversations out of the bedroom and when you have some alone time," Brisben says. "Be open, be receptive and be ready to listen." Don't be afraid to bring some playfulness to the discussion. "Shop online for intimacy products together," Brisben suggests. Or write your partner a letter: "Tell them what you'd like to introduce into your intimate relationship." Another tact: Read sexy books together and share what interests you and what doesn't. "If you find these conversations are still hard to have ... a sex therapist or counselor is trained to help," Brisben adds.
It's the one part of aging and sexuality that gets the most attention: erectile dysfunction, which is often rooted in some larger physical problem, including heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity, according to the Mayo Clinic. Medications and drug and alcohol use can also play a role.
Ubiquitous ads promote the popular little blue pill to cure impotence, but there are other treatments as well, including vacuum pumps, implants and surgery, according to the Mayo Clinic.
According to the movies or steamy prime time television shows, passion goes from 0 to 69 with a mere glance, a bitten lip or a bad pun. But "as we age, our bodies slow down and we have less energy," Dr. Epp tells Huff/Post50. "That's naturally occurring, but it can have an affect on our sexuality."
Rethink the connection between arousal and desire. Tell your partner if you need more than the average 20 minutes spent on foreplay.
Follow Lisa Copeland on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Over50DateCoach