Do you want to know the one thing that will make every single one of your relationships significantly better?
It's easy. If you think a kind thought, say it. Out loud.
How many times have you thought, "Wow, my co-worker is really great with customers" or "Gee, I love to hear my kids laugh," yet kept the thought to yourself? Here's the big secret: We're all constantly trying to figure out what other people think about us. In the absence of someone telling us directly, we draw our clues from their facial expressions and body language.
Someone may be thinking, "That's a great presentation." But if their face is fixed in a grim look, even if it's a look of concentration, we'll assume they don't like what we're saying.
Let me spell it out even more directly. If you are thinking nice thoughts about the people around you, yet your facial expressions and body language continually reveal how tired you are in your own life, people will interpret your mannerisms as a reflection of how you feel about them.
In the absence of positive words, people will assume that you don't like them or care about them. This is true in a work environment and in our personal lives.
Without positive language, our thoughts err on the negative side. Fortunately, there's an easy fix. Just say it!
If there was ever a moment when you looked across the room at your wife and thought, "Wow, she's beautiful," say it. If you ever looked at your boss or co-worker and thought, "He's really smart," tell him. If you ever looked at your kids and thought, "Wow, I sure am lucky," let them know.
The payback is immediate and enormous. As Mother Teresa once said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." When you make someone else feel fabulous, it circles right back to you.
You get the immediate win of elevating the current conversation. You also get the long-term win of having your kind words echo in their heart when you're not around. Which not only makes them feel better about themselves, but they're more predisposed to feel better about you.
If you're still stuck in the camp of "Why should I have to tell my employees they're doing a great job, isn't their paycheck enough?" or "Why should I have to tell my spouse I love them, I'm still here aren't I?"
I can't say this more plainly. By not verbalizing positive words, you're not only cheating other people out of a great experience, you're cheating yourself.
I've coached executives around the world, and I can tell you the real reason people don't share their positive thoughts is because of their own discomfort with anything that hints of emotional engagement. But this isn't emotionally risky; it's emotionally easy. You don't have to make anything up, you don't have to wax eloquent or worry about choosing the perfect words. Just verbalize what you're already thinking.
I promise, nothing bad will happen to you when you share kind thoughts. If you're still on the fence, ask yourself what would happen if your boss or spouse did this for you? And what are you missing out on by not doing it for them?
For more by Lisa Earle McLeod, click here.
For more on emotional intelligence, click here.
Lisa Earle McLeod helps organizations win the hearts and minds of customers and employees. She is the author of three books included the best-seller, The Triangle of Truth: The Surprisingly Simple Secret to Resolving Conflicts Large and Small, A Washington Post Top 5 Book for Leaders.
She is an international keynote speaker and consultant who has been seen on The Today show and featured in Forbes, Fortune, CEO Read and The Wall Street Journal. You can reach her at www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.