Most of us do. But wanting to be liked by everyone can have a chilling effect on your happiness and success.
I don't buy into the notion that you have to be a jerk to succeed. But many people are so afraid of being disliked that they stifle themselves. When the need to be liked trumps your best thinking, you're not doing anyone any favors.
Here are three big fears that hold us back:
1. Fear of calling out poor performers
I was recently working with a client who told me -- in a moment of impressive self honesty -- that she had let two employees get away with less than ideal performance. She said "I kept thinking that I should coach them instead of reprimanding them. But the truth is, I didn't want them to dislike me."
What happened? The rest of the team took note of the two poor performers and grew increasingly annoyed at their boss for not calling them out. The two poor performers didn't like the boss more, but the rest of the team liked her less.
Reality check: When you let a slacker slide, whether it be in a corporation, a volunteer organization or even a family, the people who are earnestly doing their best to meet the standards resent you for it.
I was coaching a sales executive who was stuck dealing with a middle level team, who continued to stall on the project. He said, "I'm worried if I do an end run around these people to the CEO, they'll be angry."
To which I said, "Of course they'll be angry. They don't want to do it. Do you want to please them, or get the job done?"
Leaders ignite change; they create new standards. You can't accomplish that if your need to be liked outpaces your desire for results.
Case in point, how many parents have had to enforce rules their kids didn't like (bedtime, homework, etc.), but then had the kids thank them later?
Reframe: If you're trying to achieve long-term results, accept that there will be moments of short-term discomfort. You don't have to be a jerk, but you can't make change and make everyone happy at the same time.
3. Fear of people talking about you
I confess; I want to be liked too. But I've come to recognize, that I can't make everyone happy. Nor do I even want to.
The turning point came when I was the president of my church, which by the way is the least spiritual experience you can ever have.
I was making changes that several members were unhappy about. My worst fears came to pass when I discovered that they were discussing my awfulness at a social gathering. It was high school all over again.
I lamented to a much wiser friend, "They don't like me." She said, "I always pay attention to who dislikes a person. If all the people who dislike someone are whiners, that tells me that the person in question is probably a go-getter, who doesn't coddle people."
My big a-ha: I didn't really like the people who were complaining, why should I care if they didn't like me?
Trying to please everyone waters down your best ideas, and it causes you to take on work you shouldn't be doing. Being liked is nice. Being happy and successful is better.
Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces.
She the author of several books including Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud, a Wiley publication, released Nov. 15, 2012. She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal. She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches. More info:
Copyright 2013 Lisa Earle McLeod. All rights reserved.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.