Belly Etiquette: To Touch or Not to Touch?

Pregnant women are beautiful, but pregnancy is also very personal. No one can help but be amazed by the miracle of a pregnant woman's body, and in our society today, women often seem to want to show off am expanding belly (a far cry from the old days, when women tried to hide the fact that they were pregnant). But just because a woman chooses to reveal or emphasize her pregnancy doesn't mean she wants strangers, or even friends, to touch her belly or comment in certain ways on the fact that she's expecting. Here are some hints on interacting with pregnant women:

Do acknowledge the pregnancy, but not with a stare. Say something that will make the mother-to-be feel comfortable, such as, "When are you due? My wife just had twins," or "Last year at this time I looked just like you!"

Do ask before touching, no matter how well you know the mom-to-be. Strangers should never touch a pregnant woman's belly under any circumstance. But even if the mom-to-be is your friend, don't touch her belly without asking. Pregnancy can be an emotional and difficult time, and physical contact can seem invasive. And moms-to-be, there's nothing wrong with saying you feel uncomfortable being touched. After all, it's your body!

Don't ask personal questions, such as, "How much weight has you gained?" For all you know, she could be carrying triplets, have been through five rounds of fertility, or have miscarried twice. Less is more when it comes to questions.

Don't share nightmare labor stories, such as "I was in labor for 40 hours, and it was horrible."

Lisa Mirza Grotts is a recognized etiquette expert, an on-air contributor, and the author of A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette. She is a former director of protocol for the city and county of San Francisco and the founder and CEO of The AML Group (www.AMLGroup.com), certified etiquette and protocol consultants. Her clients range from Stanford Hospital to Cornell University and Levi Strauss. She has been quoted by Condé Nast Traveler, InStyle magazine, and the Los Angeles Times. To learn more about Lisa, follow her on www.Twitter.com/LisaGrotts and www.Facebook.com/LisaGrotts.

 

 

 

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Comments

[mrsfmchavez]

12:15 AM on 07/25/2012

With my first, people used to touch my belly often. Usually happened on the bus or at the bus station. I just don't understand why personal space goes out the window for some people when it comes to pregnant women. I was close to 8 months and a woman touched my belly. I touched hers back. Funny how shocked she was since she just expected me to be ok with it. Never happened with my second though.

[LSMA]

01:55 PM on 07/24/2012

I have felt completely comfortable slapping people's hands away when they try to touch my belly. I don't go around groping people, why would they think it OK to grope me just because I'm pregnant???

[MsLMPride]

04:16 PM on 07/22/2012

Thank you for the last rule. I'll never forget when my former boss shared a "I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I'm gonna anyway" story about how a friend of hers was pregnant (I was in my eighth month) and had to be rushed to the hospital, only to give birth to a baby with no arms or legs. My co-workers were horrified that she would choose to share this story. Fortunately, by this time, I knew she had "issues" and simply told her that I was sorry to hear that and hoped her friend and the baby were okay.

Some people are truly mean spirited.

[selfenchanted]

06:27 PM on 07/21/2012

If I were pregnant, I'd find it rude. I don't care if it's by a "sweet" old man with fond memories of his pregnant wifey.

What drives total strangers to do this? Do they need to connect to others that badly?

[Laura2]

03:17 AM on 07/21/2012

No I don't want a stranger touching my PG belly...When I was PG, many people that I didn't even know, just think nothing of touching my PG belly. Believe me I gave them a ear full if they did. I also grabbed one woman arm, in a check out line.I was in front of her, emptying my grocery cart. And when I walked over to get things out of the cart seat she reached out towards my Big PG belly and said when are you do? I grabbed her arm and said, Please don't touch me! She got offended and said.. {ready for this?} I'm NOT touching you, I'm touching your Baby Belly.. I just looked at her,and said lady your stupid. She said nothing after that. I just will Never get it?? PG belly or not is still a part of a woman body..

[redvelvetflames]

01:28 AM on 07/21/2012

To touch or not to touch? That is the question..... Some women are okay with it. Me personally. I wanted to rip there heads off!!!!

[Effinie]

12:55 AM on 07/21/2012

Being of the medical persuasion, I like to ask how the mom is feeling, especially if she's big as a house, rather than arbitrarily pawing at her. Maybe treat her to a little treat. Don't these uninvited people think she gets enough that touchy from her close friends and the personnel at her doctor's office?

[decrease screen]

12:17 AM on 07/21/2012

Who in the hell would want to?

[Ron Berg]

11:57 PM on 07/20/2012

"How much weight has you gained?" Hmmmmm, who did your spell/grammer check??? Should fire them.

[dionwll4]

11:40 PM on 07/20/2012

That's battery. I did NOT like that when I was pregnant....it is no ones right to touch another person. Ask. its not hard

[shedge16]

11:24 PM on 07/20/2012

To NOT touch it is in my book! I found it awkward when people would want to touch my belly, especially strangers.

-Sara
Mommy&Blogger
mothermayi2012.blogspot.com

[zowadi]

11:22 PM on 07/20/2012

Also try to make sure the person's really pregnant. If a person is "big" or heavy set or suffering from diseases that can distend the belly. Its incredibly personally rude to touch a person's personal body without asking permission?

[moniquedelacroix]

03:43 AM on 07/21/2012

Oh god yes. Do not assume. Especially if you are a stranger. I had a man pull that on me. I asked him if he believed in immaculate conception, and then told him I'm just large.

[acidbrat65]

08:41 AM on 07/21/2012

My policy is to not assume a woman is pregnant unless I see a baby actually emerging from her body. Much safer that way!

[Danielle Limardi]

10:01 PM on 07/20/2012

I wouldn't say asking a random stranger if she was pregnant was appropriate. I had a bad experience where my mother asked a cashier in a store when she was due and she responded with, "I'm not pregnant! Why would you assume that?

[annedyth]

09:43 PM on 07/20/2012

My response to anyone pregnant in public is to be polite and not say anything about the pregnacy...IF they want to say anything, give civil responses to them. but unless the person and i are on the bus, I leave them space. If I'm on the bus with her? I'll give my seat up for her.

[silsez]

08:58 PM on 07/20/2012

Preggos aren't all that beautiful. When I was carrying 30+ lbs on my front, I HATED people assuming it was a Buddha belly and trying to rub it for luck. PAWS OFF!