I'm that person who forgets to eat, return calls or emails and is the definition of a workaholic some days. I will literally write or work until I cannot stand it and I have to shut my laptop. I forget that there is a whole big world beyond my work.
While on a trip to Florida, my son tattled on me to his auntie. He told her that I work 24/7 and that he wanted me to spend more time with him. When she asked him why he didn't come to me about this problem, he said that he was afraid that I would get mad. When I thought about it, not only was he right about the hours that I work; I realized that he had brought it to my attention on a couple of occasions.
Now I felt as though I had dismissed him. I find it ironic that this tiny human called me out, when it's supposed to be my job to always be the one lecturing and teaching him values. It was in that moment that I was schooled in a subject that I am pretty much an expert in. I preach about the value of spending time with family and the people you care about.
Whenever I hear someone make an excuse to not make time for a dear friend or family member, it literally upsets me. Having lost both of my parents at a young age, I understand the hole that loss leaves in a person. Life is too short and the moments within it too fleeting, to blow off someone dear because you just don't feel like it today.
How many of us do this on a regular basis; and why don't we apply the same theories that makes us so successful in business, to our personal and family lives? The workaholic is a head-strong individual that requires a special kind of person to appreciate us, as well as give us the proverbial kick in the ass to not sleepwalk through life. For me, it was my son.
Workaholics are often people of action and it takes a lot to grab our attention away from what we are focused on. Our dreams and drive for lack of a better term, are just big. Maybe that's why we fail to recognize a good thing when it wafts into our life on a quieter note than that of our own big thoughts.
Little kids often come with little voices, so they can be easy to overlook. My son tattling on me was a proud moment for me, because he used his big voice. I listened then and I still listen today. I have learned to switch focus and be present with him when he needs my attention.
I often say to clients are that life is meant to be experienced, surrounded by the people who matter, with you mattering them. These connections are what determine your (self) worth. I also ask them that if the payoff is foreseeably great, why their effort would be mediocre. In business, if they see an opportunity as potentially successful, they would pursue it. Yet in life, they would pass a good opportunity to spend time with loved ones by. It is madness right?
Yes and no. I've been on the giving as well as receiving end of this, so I get it. A child doesn't understand the passion that goes into an adults career goals. They take it personally that you would neglect them. An adult, although it still stings a bit, can rationalize it to some degree.
Often people just don't get you and don't even bother taking the time to know you; because you are so busy. Sometimes even the ones that take a chance on you turn tail and run when it gets rough. It's equitable to a sports fan who is a true fan and cheerleader, versus a fair-weather fan.
Children don't have the option of leaving. They are stuck with us. So what is the solution? How can we have success in our careers and parallel that in our personal and family lives? It starts with permission. We need to give ourselves the okay to turn off the laptop or leave work early sometimes and make an effort to experience life.
Not just do a drive-by on birthday parties and family functions, but really get out there with the living and make connections. Forge relationships that will outlast our IRA's, long hours and material purchases. It ends with faith. We must recognize and have faith that this thing, this person or opportunity has created a spark. It may seem difficult in the present, but it will be great if we let it. We must bear in mind that a great journey often starts with small steps and an unclear path.
We will never be where we are right now and we can never get this time back. One day we will either be too old or just gone from this earth and our ability to change decays with what remains. If you've never read the poem "Slow dance" by David Weatherford, I think he sums up what life should be about quite beautifully. He ends it with this final thought. "When you worry and hurry through your day, it's like an unopened gift thrown away. Life isn't a race, so do take it slower, hear the music before your song is over."
Lisa Schmidt is a Post-Divorce Catalyst for Women in Detroit and the author of her own blog. Questions can also be sent to her directly Ask Lisa Here Or, pick up a copy of her free eBook "Overcoming the Overwhelm - Navigating Your Post-Divorce World" HERE