"F**K 'EM if they can't take a joke!"
I often fall back on this classic Bette Midler retort, when faced with something totally ludicrous.
•FOR EXAMPLE, the cries of "inappropriate" and "objectifying" and "insulting" as to Modern Family's sex-bomb Sofia Vergara's turn (literally) on a moving platform while an Emmy Awards executive talked about the "various platforms" and diversities of TV.
I guess these critics have never watched the show or seen Sofia in action. She gets the joke. She is a gorgeous good-natured woman who plays up her physical attributes for comic effect. That's what she does. That's what she clearly enjoys doing. I have yet to hear her yearn to play Shakespeare, or even star in a Pedro Almodovar film. She is content and wildly popular and prosperous right where she is. She is also very nice.
I heard one TV pundit declare, "She might find later on in her career she regrets cooperating with this sort of thing!" Really? Sofia Vergara is 42 years old. She's worked long and hard for her current status and from the look of her, she doesn't intend to star in a Latino version of A Trip to Bountiful.
Anyway, I thought Sofia was very funny and adorable. If you're worried about the objectification of women, believe me, this comedic actress is not the touchstone for outrage. She is her own self-realized woman.
P.S. Sofia chose to participate in this moment. Just as, say, John Stamos releasing half-naked bathroom selfies of himself. Nobody's objecting to that. Everybody's still eating their Greek yogurt.
•A FEW EMMY musings. Seth Meyers was okay. He's a bit bland, but maybe that's better than too edgy? I will say I think he looked absolutely terrific in his tux. It might have been the best-fitted of the night. Or maybe Seth just has a rocking body under his clothes? (He was best in the street scenes with Billy Eichner, wildly questioning people on the street about the Emmy nominees.)
Jimmy Kimmel went on a bit too long and awkwardly about "TV and movie" faces -- kinda insulting...Very pleased for Allison Janney's Mom win (her second Emmy this year.) She said of her recent various roles: "I'm a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother. Now I'm looking forward to incontinence...Scott Bakula, an old favorite of mine, looked terrific!...Lena Headey, wicked Queen Cersei from Game of Thrones, is even more of a knockout with her natural dark locks...Jessica Lange, still has that vaguely sleepy, insecure, tentative quality that made her so appealing back in her Tootsie days. Even as a mature woman, that vulnerable quality remains quite powerful.
•EVERYBODY KNOWS I adore Bryan Cranston. So I will have to write the next with the Cole Porter proviso, that I am always true to you, darling -- in my fashion. Cranston already had two Emmys for Breaking Bad (one for acting, another for producing) and a SAG award. While it was great to see him up there Monday night, I had hopes for the incredibly talented Jon Hamm, who has worked so brilliantly on Mad Men with no Emmy. (Twelve nominations!) I also had hope for Downton Abbey's Michelle Dockery, Ray Donovan's Jon Voight and Matt LeBlanc, doing such superb work on "Episodes"...I was happy to see newcomer Benedict Cumberbatch win for Sherlock. He is authentically brilliant.
But I must say, certain people and shows winning over and over? Really, Modern Family again?
•WEIRD AL Yankovic wasn't weird. Just unfunny...Kathy Bates' shock over her American Horror Story win was charmingly genuine...Julia Roberts seemed a bit strange but looked fabulous, from the waist up. The dress was a little "too Junior Miss" as Bette Davis said in All About Eve. It would have looked far better closer to the knee. That will be my one and only fashion remark.
In general, the show felt like the three and a half hours it was, and this was even with presenters giving out the nominations swiftly without too much mindless preamble. (I am perhaps the only person in the world who wasn't super-charmed by the onstage interplay between Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. Just get on with it!)
But at least this is "it" for awards ceremonies for a while.
•People always ponder the real and true signs of the Apocalypse. Earthquakes, hurricanes, war, famine, disease. Of course, these things have always been around in abundance and we're still here, like it or not.
But I think there HAS been a sign. A real and true one. Don't get excited. It has nothing to do with Kardashians or Real Housewives or Naked Dating. Or even Miley Cyrus and twerking. Nope.
The real sign that the End of Times might be upon us is the news that Prince, that most whispery and reclusive and heavily mascara-ed of pop stars, has...opened a Twitter account!!!
Please don't panic. It won't help. You can't escape. Before the end comes, however, I long to hear tweets from Prince on the big and -- usually -- little events of day to day existence. To me, he'll always be the guy who wore pants with a transparent backside. That was back in the real good old days of the MTV Music Video Awards. But let's see what he can do in 140 characters.
More seriously, folks, Prince -- who really is one of the greats -- will release not one, but TWO albums this fall. This is pretty standard for Prince, who has always loved to either deprive or overload fans with his art.
But, hey -- if birds start falling from the sky after a Prince tweet, don't say I didn't warn you.