Realizing that devoting 130 billion dollars to smoking cessation programs may actually get people to stop smoking, and more importantly stop the flow of money from cancer merchants into the pockets of politicians, government attorneys decided they could make due with a simple 10 billion dollar fine for an anti smoking campaign that surely will feature pamphlets and stickers with hard hitting slogans like:
“Listen up impressionable young people! If you quit smoking you’ll gain 20 pounds and will feel fat and unloved but hey, maybe you won’t get cancer!”
Yes, just like the Bush global warming policy of ignoring science for the more industry-friendly approach of voluntary compliance to slow greenhouse emissions, this too has a “bucking science in favor of industry” ring to it.
In fact, the administration should insist part of the funds for this new Stop Smoking Program go directly to Phillip Cooney -- that White House Oil Industry Whore AKA The Global Warming Crosser Outer Guy -- to help write up some new warning labels, more in line with Bush policy, like:
“Smoking during pregnancy causes low birth weight which could mean less stretch marks so you make the call”
Or:
“Cigarettes Kill your appetite”
He would be perfect, he ignores science too!
Now there is some good news.
Since it is highly irregular during a Racketeering lawsuit to drastically drop a sanction by 92%, the judge in this case has indicated she smells a rat.
(Nevermind the rat has been decomposing on her bench for the last six years and the entire nation smells it, but I digress.)
The better news is no matter what the government requests, she can dole out much more if she sees fit.
And in light of the new information today which is that apparently the government told two of its own witnesses to lighten up (no pun intended) on the tobacco industry, she should award us (yes we are the government) every penny of that 130 large.
I mean, let’s face it.
In the “science is bad for Bush policy” world we are living in, no matter what the settlement, I'm quite sure at least 10 billion will be spent on some kind of research that will prove oxygen causes cancer…and makes you fat.