Many people look to Siddhartha Gautama as an example of someone who attained nirvana, a buddha. Every other week in this column we look at what it might be like if Siddhartha were on his spiritual journey today. How would he combine Buddhism and dating? How would he handle stress in the workplace? "What Would Sid Do?" is devoted to taking an honest look at what we as meditators face in the modern world.
Every other week I'll take on a new question and give some advice based on what I think Sid, a fictional Siddhartha, would do. Here Sid is not yet a buddha; he's just someone struggling to maintain an open heart on a spiritual path while facing numerous distractions along the way. Because let's face it: You and I are Sid.
This week's question comes from an anonymous writer:
I am a female biker, I have my own motorcycle and I am a Buddhist. I practice by myself and share my beliefs if anyone asks. Can I be involved in an intimate relationship with a motorcycle club member and still be truly loving and compassionate to others? I do not personally participate in any violence or illegal acts, but there's a chance others may be. Am I being phony having these two worlds at the same time?
I think Sid would look at what you are calling "two worlds" and shake his head and chuckle. As I've written in previous posts for this column, meditation practice is just that: practice for the rest of our life. There really are no two worlds, just one world where we consistently come face-to-face with opportunities to apply our practice. If we cannot apply mindfulness off the cushion then what are we actually practicing for? If we cannot apply compassion to those we love, to those we despise and to our dry cleaners, then we are sort of missing the point.
In other words, no, you are not being phony. All of our lovers have flaws (except mine; she reads these posts). Part of our path is extending compassion to those same people we are in intimate relationships with. In your case, I can't imagine Sid saying that you need to abandon your lover or your lifestyle. It is the work of a true bodhisattva, or open-hearted warrior, to go into the darkest aspects of our society in the hopes that he or she can be a light for all to see.
If you surround yourself only by nice goody-two-shoes you will be able to have some nice conversations where you talk about how to help one another out. This can be inspiring, and at times you may find yourself aiding people you know are in need. However, when you are in the midst of a motorcycle club, or in a third-world country, or even in a brothel a bit of compassion goes a long way.
The founder of the Kagyu lineage, Tilopa, was just such a person. Having gone deep with his own practice, he took a job pounding sesame seeds. At the advice of one of his teachers, however, he encountered a home of prostitutes and was invited in to serve as a pimp to a woman named Dharima.
While living amongst the prostitutes, he encountered a lot of painful, hardened hearts. He offered them compassion and love and over time they assimilated these characteristics of Tilopa. He softened them merely through his presence and they ultimately were able to practice compassion themselves.
You too are in an auspicious (most over-used word in the Buddhist vernacular) situation. Through applying your meditation practice to the hard edges of your life, you have an opportunity to affect great change in this situation. Through remaining open and on the straight and narrow yourself, you are an example for how to live life in a sane and legal way.
When we enter the scary or uncomfortable parts of our world, we can share our hearts. But we also gain something in return. In Tilopa's case, he attained great realization through practicing in the brothel, attaining the complete accomplishment of awakening. Who is to say what you might encounter when you merge these "two worlds" you speak of?
The meditation teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche used to say, "We never give up on anyone." I think Sid would agree, noting that you can use opportunities like yours to further compassion in others and awakening in yourself.
Have a question for this weekly column? E-mail it to this address and Lodro Rinzler will probably write about it in a future post.
Now the word "Club" down in S. Fla. is likely to mean you will be riding with lawyers, CPAs ,Cops and School Teachers. N. Fla has the same plus Vets and other gray hairs my age.
Now a criminal "GANG" is a whole nother story. Nothing like the 'naughtieness' of being a pimp in a brothel. It'l be Drugs , Drug Sales/transport ,Prostitution ,Slavery,anything for a buck.
If she is getting involved with a Criminal Gang , she will not be accepted or trusted until she is one of them. A criminal. They will not tolerate 'nice' folk in their midst. Boy Scouts can't be trusted.
So Sid might advise our sister to go into this with her eyes wide open. If you like him but don't like what he is, Who will change? Him or You ? Can you accept this ?
Would this man in the 'club' forsake his biker friends to be with you ? No ? Would you forsake your values and integrety if needed to ride with him ?
Whether it be a 1%er (outlaw) or one of my brother combat veterans, all respect my beliefs. Many turn to me in confidence for advice and guidance knowing that I too have "been there" and "done that". As a fellow "biker" I get more respect from the biker community than from the Judeo Christians.
What truly matters is living your beliefs. Motorcycles, the "biker" life doesn't have to be separate from the Buddhist life. It does require drawing limits in yourself and staying true to your beliefs.
I think Tilopa's story is all the more relevant for what we as Westerners face on our spiritual journey. While we may wish to practice mindfulness and compassion we live in a world inspired by fear, aggression, and prejudice. To live as a light in the midst of such darkness is an inspiration.
I thank Tilopa for that and in the article above encourage our Buddhist biker friend to try to do the same given her relationship. Note that I don't see asking about how to distance herself from this world she is in, just learn to live in it with a sense of peace. She has recently written to me updating me on her progress along those exact lines.
One of the elements of the Noble Eight fold Path is Right Livelihood. There are several professions that are considered wrong livelihood and trading in flesh (being a pimp) is one of them. The teacher seemed to be recommending an action that goes against the Path. Perhaps the monk was recommending that Tilopa live with the prostitutes not pimp for them. It would be nice to have a clarification of this.
I appreciate the contradiction that you've uncovered between the Eightfold Path and the Vajrayana view that Tilopa engaged in. I thought the following sources shed some light on the issue:
"To supplement his income while perfecting his realization, Tilopa also worked a night shift as a pimp in the market town of Pensanla, in Bengal." - from the book "Karmapas: the Politics of Reincarnation"
"He also worked at a brothel for Dharima, a prostitute, in Bengal, as instructed by his guru Matangi. He attained great mahamudra realization through practicing in this situation." - from KagyuOffice.org
"During the day, Tilopa spent his time pounding seeds, but during the evenings he worked as a prostitute's pimp. Are the pursuits in conflict? Tantrikas would say no, as everything here on earth can serve the higher purpose of spiritual enlightenment." - from the Rubin Museum
Thanks for commenting! - Lodro
Eastern medicine, meditation even home decoration is all becoming more popular and accepted. Austin Texas has something like six Buddhist groups or temples. Buddhism in Texas? Monks are even occasionally invited to various "interfaith" gatherings. Mind blowing I know.
I recently read a fascinating article titled "Buddhism in the heartland".
It was about groups coming together in smaller communities in the Midwest. Predominate mainstream protestant "pastors" don't know how to respond to the Buddhist ideals of peace and harmony in this ever more violent world.
As I look at the "big picture" I am absolutely amazed. So "Keep the faith baby" as we used to say in the sixties.