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Logan Nakyanzi Pollard

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You Are Pretty and I Like You, and I Want to Have Sex with You

Posted: 08/07/09 09:41 AM ET

It's time to acknowledge those who endure rape and sexualized violence

A villain's life becomes all the people he touches
A rock exploding a thousand grains of sand

And I've had enough of their sob stories, like
"Women Just Don't Like Me, Not One Of Them Finds Me Attractive"

Just this week we learned this guy allegedly raped and killed a reporter
Saying you are pretty and I like you, and I want to have sex with you

And how male rape is the new weapon in Congo
Of course it's in our jails closer to home

Year over year, life over lives
These injuries linger

But if I imagine Eridania Rodriguez
Who went to work not knowing

Not like there was a special sign--
'Sweetie, this is a crypt'

But the damp air --
She passes the night watchman

Her quiet shoes approaching the elevator bank
The service light already lit

Joseph Pabon on duty
His back to her

It's okay if someone wants to keep to themselves
He pushes the usual button

Work my way down
She says unnecessarily

Rests her head
Against the quilted wall

Glad for this job
But it can be lonely

Back of his neck sunburned
Right arm like an over stuffed pillow

He could be young or old
Fat like a baby, flabby like an old man

His left arm is twitching
Eridania needs to check her bottles

Windex, Clorox, Ajax,
Paper towels, TP, hand soap

Air freshener, dust mop, extra rags
Bulbs of light show droplets on his face

Running down the left side of him
Some alarm should be going off

Onions underneath his cologne
But there is so much to do!

Show me your eyes
An old voice scolds her

Show me your eyes her mother'd say
Reaching for Eridania's hands

Coaxing out a marble, a peso
A piece of candy locked in her tiny fist

Sometimes Eridania'd be quick
Stuff it in her mouth

But Mama could always
Smell dishonesty

Mama - Let me keep it!
A chipped cup, stray earring

Turquoise bangle
Something nice enough

To give to her kids
Show me your eyes, Eridania

For her mother, it was never about the object
But about the hiding

What will she find tonight?
Show me your eyes --

She counts the rolls of toilet paper
She loosens the cap to the bleach bottle

The elevator still climbs
Jo is looking at his feet

And then with a jolt it stops, he twists
His face right up close to hers

But his eyes on the floor
Show me your eyes! -- Mama's yelling and begging

Can I give you a paper towel?
He won't look at her like he's afraid

Of his mother
Eridania's trying to be helpful

But it's awkward now
Why will he not look at her?

The light to the elevator is flashing
He'd been blocking it

Can you tell me what you want, Jo?
Wanting to please him

He won't talk, he's dreaming
Or, like she is a fill-in

For someone who must be here
She cannot take her ears off the sound

A crowbar dropping from his right arm
The dull bang, silver duct tape

She shoves her cart at him
He lunges picking metal bar high overhead

She dodges
He hits

She falls, scratches, yells, kicks
Finally her voice roars

GET-OFF-ME!
If only the sound could travel

Down to the ground
Or burst out the windows

Blasting glass like opera singers
He grunts

His red skin is sweaty
Her nails slip, try to get a grip

The bleach spills
The slippery floor

He is taping her like a hog
His snout is runny

A stray hair sticking out
His lids are rippling

Show me your eyes
He fumbles hands the crucifix

He can't rip the tape holding the cross
He heaves, frustrated

He seals and over-seals the cross
Sitting on her stomach

As if to hide atop her belly
Not breathing is so upsetting

She kicks again, again, again
She closes her eyes exhausted

Hears the release of the elevator lock
Feels the change of air

Eridania is not breathing
His is strange, beating to the wrong time

The building is pulsing
She wants to grab his eyeballs

Pop them out
Think of your children

Touching their faces
He is dragging her

She made her children
Every nose, every eye, every freckle

Every curl
All the borrowed and original pieces

Perfection
He's unscrewed something

Her children, her mother are witnesses
And then a rush of frozen air

He's stumbling under her weight
Shoves her into a vent joyless

Oh God, where are you now?
As if to answer - her mind's eye opens to the heavens

 

Follow Logan Nakyanzi Pollard on Twitter: www.twitter.com/findcreatejoy

 
 
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11:34 AM on 08/08/2009
we have to believe "god" is there somehow at that final moments but we DO know what is surely there.An ape of a man grunting like a pig.God never stops these pigs.30 seconds of a man's life ..his selfish need met..and a woman..her life..her whole life..in that instant thrown away,stomped out and the world goes on!
05:13 PM on 08/07/2009
I am a singledad of four children I have been alone since I was twenty eight and raised three girls and one boy since they were seven four two and three days old

I am sick to death and to my stomach of idiots dogs that hurt woman

I am single because woman dont trust any man anymore
you say I love you to a woman they have heard that from twenty other men

you say your attracted to her and your out to get laid

I want to say simply this EVERY SINGLE man that every rapes a woman

is a coward and a dog every man that ever was caught raping a woman
should be castrated on the spot without trial

like they do in other countries

dogs that do these things to woman are not men at all
REAL men love one woman for one lifetime NO matter what

if she leaves him he is free to move on and marry again

but today there is no one left that wants to marry a fourty two year old man
that raised four children alone

I AM alone and I have no desire whatsoever to be with a woman that doesnt want me

A real man wants a woman that wants him needs him and TELLS HIM SO

robert
11:40 AM on 08/08/2009
i thought you were a sincere man at first until I read your profile.Hey look,buddy,we all have bills to pay but we don't solicit donations to our own personal financial woes on a website and post to rape threads so we can bait volnerable ,naive people .
01:17 PM on 08/07/2009
Thank you for this, for giving her the dignity that was so brutally taken away from her.

The deserts in Mexico are littered with the women that nightmare's been visited on. And Rwanda. And a million other places around the world. Men like that are a nightmare and there are so many of them.

Thanks for the being a nightlight to those of us who are still haunted by that nightmare. Thank you for giving her back her name
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10:12 AM on 08/07/2009
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we live in a society that objectifies people to the extent that we commit the most awful acts against them. At a juvenile prison I taught at, a female "resident" said she could kick an unconscious victim in the head because he had no face - there was just a blur where there should have been characteristics that make us individuals.

I apologize. I apologize to women who live in fear of rape or murder, or even daily harassment. The most common attitude of the domestic violence court referred men I used to conduct classes for was that "she deserved it," or "it's her fault" somehow.

I remember seeing my own mother being verbally and physically abused that resulted in attempted suicides and broken bones. I don't know how this gets better until people share our own experiences. Maybe impressing on others the damage that has been done to others can break the cycle. Thanks for the post.
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pennywhite
01:28 PM on 08/07/2009
I am sorry you had to endure such pain yourself as a child by witnessing your mother's abuse. And thank you for having the courge to be part of the solution.
Making rape and domestic violence into gender issues too often cuts men out of the solution through guilt by association. Most men do not rape and do not batter women. But I think many men feel awkward getting involved in these issues because their maleness is portrayed as part of the problem. It is not. True masculinity is about providing for and protecting women and children. A person doesn't rape and batter because he is a man - he rapes and batters because he is not man enough.
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Logan Nakyanzi Pollard
Founder, findcreatejoy.com
04:31 PM on 08/07/2009
I'd like to second and third Pennywhite's comments. And thank you also Alinvenice and Jshdoff for reading and sharing their thoughts on this topic.