THE BLOG

Seven Steps To Purge An Ex

12/13/2012 12:52 pm ET | Updated Feb 12, 2013
  • Lois Tarter Author, divorce blogger and divorce party planner

When you break-up with someone, it's never easy to get over them. Bring marriage and kids into the picture and it's an even more tangled emotional web. You could dislike everything about your ex, and yet, right after you part ways they're on your mind 24/7. This is usually the tough cycle of any break-up and unfortunately, it has to take its course. However, there are some ways to speed up the process that I like to call my "seven steps to purge an ex."

Now more than ever before, purging an ex is something people of all ages are dealing with. Divorce happens to people of all ages, and it's becoming more commonplace for older couples; break-ups are not exclusive to any one generation. As you get older, it's probably even more difficult to purge an ex. If you have children with your ex, you will undoubtedly be connected to your former spouse for life. However, while you never move on from co-parenting, you certainly have to move on to a new life for yourself. You finally made the leap to freedom, so it's time get over your ex and enjoy it. Following these steps may make that transition a bit easier.

Step 1) Focus on your children: If you have children, focus on them in the wake of a divorce. This will not only help them, but it will help you as well. Their smiles can make any difficult day you're having brighter.

Step 2) Don't text or call: Unless it involves your children, there is really no need moving forward to call or text your ex. You need to separate yourself and protect your feelings, especially if you can't seem to move on. A time-out in contact is important because time heals all wounds. If you're still upset from the divorce, a policy of no communication can help you move on more quickly.

Step 3) Rid your house of his or her belongings: If your ex left anything behind, you probably want to return it. You don't want their belongings throughout the house reminding you of them. Look around the house and box up anything that your ex didn't pack. Then, head over to UPS and ship it to them. It's time to make your house yours.

Step 4) Clean up your social media accounts: You cleaned up your house and now you should clean up your social media. If you have mutual friends on Facebook that were never really your friends to begin with, you may want to reconsider cutting ties with them. This is your chance to define your new life on and off the Internet.

Step 5) Treat yourself: It's important to spend some time with just yourself after a divorce. Whether it's a 30 minute walk or something more extensive like a weekend getaway, some alone time is needed.

Step 6) Accept all invitations: You have to go out and meet new people after a divorce. You may not want to start dating right away, but it doesn't mean you can't get out there and be social. Fun is a key to bringing your spirits up. So start accepting all invitations. Whether it's an invite to a movie or a gala ball, get out there and enjoy each and every moment with your friends.

Step 7) Throw a divorce party: Throwing a divorce party is the ultimate moving on mechanism. These events are becoming more and more popular. I feel a divorce should be celebrated just like you would a marriage or any other important milestone in your life. Celebrate your new life with all of the people who were supportive during your divorce.

For more healing divorce tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book The Divorce Ritual by clicking here.

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