To: Mel Gibson
From: Yours Truly
Subject: Why I should be your new girlfriend
I haven't heard much from you lately. Anything new and exciting happening? Hope life has been treating you well. Anyhoo, a little bird told me that you may be single and ready to mingle? Is this true? If so, praise the baby Jesus and let me be the first to throw my knickers into the ring for consideration. Because, I know a man who knows how to treat a lady when I see one!
Now, I know you don't know me from Adam, so let me just run down a little list of reasons why I would make the perfect gal pal for you:
- Russian? Hell I've never even been to Russia. I still call it USSR and I don't even drink vodka. You can easily erase that country from your mind.