Sorcerers and Wizards: Who's In Your Inner Circle?

11/08/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Exerpt from the book The Psychic Housewives' Handbook

Now we're going to look at things in black and white. Life is rarely so clear-cut. But for the purposes of seeing more clearly: take a look at yourself and the people in your life by using the following two categories.

Sorcerer- An Energy Vampire

Wizard- Has A Direct Hookup to God

Who doesn't want a freebee once in a while? I mean, my goodness, we're all working our behinds off to make a living, keeping up with housekeeping, and raising kids. We're working hard. Then comes along someone who feels the same way and who really understands energy and they make a free meal out of guess who? You!

Here's the first sign of an energy vampire. They have a very difficult time taking responsibility for themselves. They don't acknowledge or apologize when they have done something wrong. They rarely ask for help directly, but usually order you around or make passive-aggressive comments or hints. They drone on and on about themselves. They're outwardly focused (in critical ways) on people, their career and their circumstances. They are rarely introspective and do not appreciate honest feedback from others. There is rarely an intention for real communication. If you're someone with natural enthusiasm and a unique life force, you are very creative and you communicate openly, watch out, the vampires are lurking. They can try to steal your love, your energy, your creativity, your attention and they'll suck you dry. This is not an equal energy exchange. This is a date with Dracula. He looks good a first glance, but at night out come the fangs. In the morning you wake up with puncture wounds. Energy vampires of this world take many forms. They can look like perpetual victims, guilt-wielding committee chairs from the kid's school or a friend who just won't stop talking about herself. Sound harsh? It is. It's harsh on you and your energy.

The more often you say "no" to these energy-suckers, the more you'll start to see. "No" is not a word energy vampires like to hear. It's a word, however, they like to say when you ask them for something authentic, such as asking for honesty, their time, listening, being noncompetitive or making a commitment to your well-being. Look, there's nothing wrong with running a few tests to see what they really look like. Drag them out into the sunlight and then take a look. See if they actually have a reflection in the mirror you hold up to them.

Real relationships have definitive qualities. Sharing feelings builds intimacy. Being there in time of crisis builds faith. Being honest about what is or isn't working in your relationship creates the ties that bind and support. Relationships with energy vampires don't pass many of those thresholds. Instead, there is a lot of drama. Who doesn't love a good story about a bad boy? Why don't you pick up a book by Stephanie Meyer or Anne you can read about vampires instead of having a relationship with one?

The difference between a sorcerer and a wizard is the sorcerer wants to get his energy from you and the wizard already gets it directly from God. Who are you choosing to spend time with? Hey, it can be worth taking the journey with a sorcerer. There's a lot to learn from darkness. All I'm saying is take down the veils and take a good look at who and what you're dealing with. It may take months or years to see the truth but the truth is always worth knowing.

Sorcerers come in all shapes and sizes. One more notable characteristic is the desire to control and manage people and circumstances around them. It gives them a false sense of power. They play God without the godly aspect of allowing free choice. Hmm... remind you of anyone? A recent administration? Your partner? Your priest or minister? It can happen in gross exaggerated ways and in very subtle ways. It's up to you to say no to sorcerer energy from others and even some that comes from within you. It's not up to you to change and fix it...except in yourself. In my experience...people who are truly well-versed sorcerers don't have much capacity or desire to change. The rare exception are those who've been substance addicted and got sober and worked a program. They truly do transform from sorcerers to wizards. They go from outsourcing their energy to directly hooking up to divine.

For the most part, I've had to walk away from sorcerers for my own sanity, safety and happiness. The more one says no to controlling aspects of people's personalities and yes to divine...the more light and dark can integrate. There are so many ways to manipulate and be manipulated. This stuff is tricky. Next, we'll get down to the brass tacks...and do an inventory of who is around us.

The first order of business is to take a look at your inner circle. Christ had his disciples. He had an entourage to buffer him from the rest of the world. He surrounded himself with people he liked, respected and trusted. Sure Judas ended up being a bit of a problem...but for the most part it was a good group. Who's in your inner circle? Are they a buffer or a pain in the neck? Do they energize you or leave you feeling drained? I'm not saying you won't have conflicts or things to work through with these people, but it's an equal energy exchange.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the people in your inner circle. Do they have a sense of humor? We're not talking angry sarcasm here, but real humor. Do they take responsibility for their behavior? Do they have an intention for honest communication? Do they want to have an equal energy exchange or are they attempting a power over model?

For example, do you often feel belittled after interacting with them? For many years of my life when I encountered a person practicing a power over model I would feel icky in my stomach. I had no mental framework for what was going on. Now, after therapy and some work in 12-step programs, I can identify it immediately. When it happens I either chose to address it directly with the person (so that they don't get away with bad behavior without taking responsibility) or I just notice it and move away from them and the situation. It's not my job to fix someone else. But it is my job to stand up for myself and protect myself. Now that you know what you're looking for, what do you see in your inner circle...wizards or sorcerers?