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Lt. Dan Choi

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Veterans Day: How Gay Veterans Are Fighting a War at Home

Posted: 11/11/10 09:09 AM ET

Every year on this day, military veterans are asked to "come home." As they march down our city streets, it is clear that this day honors the service and sacrifice of those who survived, those who were lucky enough to come home.

But as proud as we may seem, reunited with our compatriots, celebrated by our neighbors who line the sidewalks in support, not all our journeys are reasons for joyful celebration. We returned home without friends, without limbs, without the blissful innocence that once shielded us from the punishing realities of war. Post-traumatic stress, depression, physical wounds and sexual trauma have inflicted permanent scars on a growing population of our generation's war veterans. The pain from these injuries of war only escalate as the combat deescalates.

Many of us get treatment and begin our long road to recovery the moment we step back onto American soil. But for some of us, the healing cannot begin until we enlist in another war at home. Since joining the ranks of gay veterans, I have publicly called this war a battle for equality, integrity, and many other powerful platitudes that resonate well throughout the airspace of a media war-zone. But at the heart of my struggle to end unjust discrimination in the military, these bold moral principles become mere words; the motivation to keep fighting in this war resembles the motivation we realized in Iraq. We did not fight for apple pie, the Constitution, or purple mountains' majesty. We fought for each other.

As we fight to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell," we know that this fight can easily be more painful than physical combat, as the people we fought to protect subject us to the harsh bigotry of popularity polls and the soft bigotry of political inaction. Caught in this battlefield, it is easy to claim victimhood and suffocate in the sadness of national betrayal. Gay Americans, like all scapegoated and stigmatized minorities in America's history, know this feeling all too well. But just as all the patriots who had to come home to fight for equality, we cannot heal our injuries by permanent sorrow and self-pity. The only treatment that can heal the wounds of betrayal and hatred is a recommitment to fight for each other, to stand up for each other, to love one another.

As difficult as it might be, we find healing in the fight. We re-enlist as activists, thrust into public roles while mending private wounds. Like the Grand Army Republic, who camped outside the halls of power protesting in uniform after the Civil War for racial equality, or the Veterans for Peace who march and stand boldly to end the failed policies that subjected any of us to the killing fields in the first place, we are all called upon to serve again. For those whose careers were cut short, our new duty fulfills the true purpose of the uniform: defending our principles of freedom and justice. This is the kind of war that can never end.

As the military's suicide rate has reached historic levels, doubling that of the rest of society, it is easy to see the dangers of hopelessness and escapism among many of our veterans. Some of us come home and want a rare moment of privacy. We have certainly earned our moment to bask in the quietude of peace. But soon our training catches up to us as we see others suffering. We realize our true self-worth when we fight on behalf of others. Like Lieutenant Dan in "Forrest Gump," we cannot help but shout back at the howling winds in a lonely shrimp boat, tossed about in every direction by overpowering waves and despair, seeking out the battle we were meant to fight, yelling "Is that all you got?!" In so doing, we finally start finding our way home.

 

Follow Lt. Dan Choi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ltdanchoi

Every year on this day, military veterans are asked to "come home." As they march down our city streets, it is clear that this day honors the service and sacrifice of those who survived, those who wer...
Every year on this day, military veterans are asked to "come home." As they march down our city streets, it is clear that this day honors the service and sacrifice of those who survived, those who wer...
 
 
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
RumiSouth
Caerbannog!
09:58 PM on 11/14/2010
Lt. Choi, thank you for leading the way. It's what I've come to expect from you. We need more leaders of your caliber.
09:22 PM on 11/14/2010
Yes indeed.
09:02 PM on 11/14/2010
Thank you for your service and thank you to all vets for their service. Thanks to you all, we're able to talk on this, and many subjects, openly and honestly without armed religious police arresting people and taking them to concentration camps.
Seems like DADT allows gays in the military. Since implemented, the U.S. has successfully executed several missions (e.g. Balkans, Iraq 1 and 2). Our military is the most effective and professional of any on earth. For over a decade, soldiers have know that gays were among them. Given this, overall combat effectiveness has been outstanding. During this time, I suspect most soldiers knew who among their fellow soldiers was gay.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
07:31 PM on 11/14/2010
Thank you, sir, for your service. In the military and even more so, in the community.
02:34 PM on 11/14/2010
There are no gay veterans. Gays aren't allowed in the military.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
guynamedjoe48
01:39 PM on 11/14/2010
Having served in the Marine Corps, 83-87, 0331 M-60 machinegunner and being stationed at Camp Pendleton CA, I had no choice but to deal with the culture shock of living outside of my element having grown up in Indiana. I learned that having a "live and let live attitude" was the best way to deal with the social mores around me, on and off base. A man or woman's privacy was respected as long as they kept it private and it didn't affect their combat readiness, however, it seems to me that when a group of people tell me that I have to be privy to their privacy and I have to deal with it or else, something is wrong and it could corrode unit cohesion and cause social problems within the ranks that corrodes combat effectiveness. I see the studies and surveys and I think that Marines and soldiers aren't mere statistics and a suspension of DADT could harm more than help in the defence of our country.
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je7374
Restore Unions and Restore the future
06:41 PM on 11/14/2010
From another guy named Joe, thanks for your service. But I can't help but remember a conversation about this several years ago with some workmates of mine. One was a Vietnam Vet, and the other an ultra conservative who never served. As the discussion went on the Vietnam Vet calmly stated that when you're in battle, your main concern is the people surrounding you and fighting with you. You don't care about their politics, their home town, their sexual orientation. Your biggest goal is trying to make sure all get out alive. Did you have to keep your sexuality 'private'?
01:35 PM on 11/14/2010
Until we can show McCain and his homophobe friends that they are acting just like the religous police in Iraq , then they will continue. We must be a joke to so many nations. We preach tolerance in a christian way, but we do not live by that. We say how bad that must be to be ruled by religion over democracy, but we have been letting the religous extremist rule since GW Bush came into office.
10:23 AM on 11/14/2010
One thing Choi says that is absolutely incorrect is the military ‘CODE’ is not fighting for ‘each other’ as he puts it. It is fighting for America, the land, the country, the people, the policies, the freedoms, those are the fights of true soldiers. War is not a place to bring your social agenda.

The glaring truth about DADT is it has worked for this long. The number of gays serving right now outweighs those who were dismissed under the policy in all the 17 years it’s existed. There is no homophobia involved. If you are serving in the military nobody wants to know who you are having sex with unless it is in social conversation. Social issues are best off the battle field. It is that MODEST Americans do not like sex thrown in their faces. Like it or not, that is what is brought up when homosexuality is discussed. It is about sex. I don’t care what is done in other peoples’s bedrooms; but, we don’t like it thrown in our faces. Sex is not a race, gender, fundamental civil right. Sex is a social activity. Choi might say it’s about love; but, it isn’t. There is no love for another when you are saying ‘I want to have sex with men and you are a bigot if you don’t like that’. That is a vicious vile obscene thing to compare.
01:55 PM on 11/14/2010
well said
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
07:30 PM on 11/14/2010
The only thing DADT works well at is providing a charter for blackmailers who would extort members of the military. As happened in CA just before Iraq.
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PowerPridePinstripes
27 and Counting!
08:29 AM on 11/12/2010
I remember receiving the 'survey' in the mail asking how we would respond or act knowing that we are serving alongside gays in the military. The questions were appalling and it made it seem as though those of us in the military are brutes - one level above cave people -- it was insulting to believe that we haven't served with gays -- and I'm not talking about the thousands of homophobic service members (who are also probably sexist, racist, doltish...etc etc).

We all wear the same uniform - we all serve! Most of us could care less who you love or don't love -- we just want to get the mission done!
07:08 AM on 11/12/2010
I'm so very thankful for all of our military. I think DADT is a disgrace, and is counter to all the good thing this country fights for. The idea that a vet fights for our freedom abroad, but then must also fight for his or her freedom when home is repugnant.
01:57 PM on 11/14/2010
wrong, if you really searched for facts you would discover that what you really mean is you "FEEL DADT is a disgrace", you don't "think" it is.
06:17 AM on 11/12/2010
Can't believe this kind of job discrimination happened on so many levels. First, it seems a straight forward case of job discrimination, which would not be allowed in any US workplace. Secondly, the irony that we are fighting the Taliban to protect us from religious extremists while that is the root of the job discrimination here. Thirdly, the survey of troops is not a valid/unbiased survey unless that asked everyone how they feel about everyone else, race, gender, etc. If they had done that, they would have gotten a more balanced look at how biases and prejudices play out against women, blacks, white males, native Americans, southerners, northerners, officers, etc. This kind of survey would have demonstrated that everyone dislikes someone, and our US military forces can reach cohesion through training and trust based on their shared experience and dispelling most prejudices. Fourth observation, this kind of discrimination has happened to US taxpaying citizens. In the future, this shameful discrimination will be remembered along with the treatment of our Tuskegee Airman, Native Americans, women, and those with post traumatic stress syndrome. We do learn, but many pay an enormous price - especially those who go first.
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caseyblab
05:14 AM on 11/12/2010
I think you have proven yourself many times over. I cannot understand what the reasoning is for the White House to drag its feet on this. It is an issue that most Americans actually agree on and makes the opposition to getting rid of DADT seem like they don't want to do the right thing because it will make too much paperwork- Obama needs to take care of this.
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04:44 AM on 11/12/2010
Always have supported gays in the military. And thank you, sir, for serving our country. Keeping fighting for what is right.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bob Kellerman
Let's have more sanity toward each other
04:14 AM on 11/12/2010
THANKS, LT DAN!!

The waiting is the hardest when you think you have seen the promised land, but the entry drags out.
01:03 AM on 11/12/2010
Why would gays enlist knowing the rules are to just keep quiet about it? They are all soldiers. All serve with honor leave the sexuality out.
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Sita001
mocking the afflicted since 1966
11:13 AM on 11/13/2010
So will all the hetero guys leave their sexuality out too? It's not about 'keeping quiet' they do keep quiet for the most part. But what does that do? It means there is a tacit deception going on between you and EVERY other soldier you are with who should be trusting you to have their back and you are lying to them by 'keeping quiet'.
The policy is in place still because it's NOT that the gay soldier has the problem being a good soldier or pulling their weight, it's the intolerant ones whom the military decided once that it was too great a task to bother educating them against the prejudices they bring.
It's not about a gay soldier being a prancing disco queen on base, how many of those guys want to enlist, really? It's about not being tacitly dishonest with your peers and superiors and able to show that you are just as much a soldier as the next.
Just watch G I Jane again and every time you see Demi fight, picture an openly gay soldier in her place. The values of the story it tells speak beyond the details of the movie.
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Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
07:43 PM on 11/14/2010
Ever hear of the honor code?

I will not lie, or tolerate those who do. That part.