Memory Keeper's Movie

06/12/2015 01:20 pm ET | Updated Jun 10, 2016

I could not be more relieved to be done with this. NOT because I can't wait to share my foibles, mistakes, and messy past year. No, that actually scares me a bit. I'm relieved because this "cute idea" that presented itself to me during meditation turned out to be a 30-hour project. Um, I have three kids = two nights of no sleep, lots of coffee, a numb-mouse finger, and way more emotions than I expected. I chose to create a video because it's something I don't know, I'm not good at, and it is outside of my comfort zone.

(Update) On 6.2.15 a friend offered to help, and reset the whole thing. So corrected time: 50 hrs.

Lesson: Roll with it. I cried (didn't scream). Then I realized there was a reason. Maybe it wasn't good the first time? Maybe it's still not? Ha. But I changed all the copy, used new pictures, and changed three songs. I see it as a challenge I received to be calm, flexible and do better. Just like all "difficult" things in life.

May, the month my father died, is when I will create a new movie every year. It will be a project of reflection, gratitude and acceptance of what was, has been, and is over. To capture all of it, and be honest about it.

He was so obsessed with memory-keeping. It felt like the appropriate thing to do. It's not all pretty, but it's real. It's honest. It's so much more than I thought it would be. My goal is small. Start a tradition for my family. If it happens to give someone else the idea to create a photo-movie montage focusing on that which they are grateful for, I would be over the moon. So, I hope it touches you. Not everyone will "like" it. Hell, I don't even "like" it all.

I've always been a firm believer that it's OK to be uncomfortable sometimes. If it's authentic and true, or brings light to a subject, a person, or an idea that I would normally put effort into avoiding, then I am in! (Now.)

So... Enjoy? No. Good luck? Ha. No worries. I warn you now it's 12 minutes long. So, there goes 99.99 percent of you.

(Covers eyes and holds breath)

***This video/post was originally published on 6.5.15 at