The current most popular emailed story at NYTimes.com: "Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work." A new survey has apparently revealed that "a good 40 percent of [workplace] bullies are women. And that unlike their male counterparts, they" -- the Times notes AnimalPlanetarily-- "prefer their own kind," targeting other women over 70 percent of the time. (Source: The Workplace Bullying Institute, which, you'll forgive me, sounds like the place where bullies go for board certification.)
"In the name of Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem," wails the piece, "what is going on here?"
Sorry, but this article makes me want to go out and give someone an atomic wedgie.
While it's passed off as "news" -- this time, natch, something about the recession making people extra ornery -- this supposedly revelatory mean-girls meme gets trotted out at least annually, hung on any news hook handy. (Cf., The Devil Wears Prada, etc. etc.) My lovely personal assistant, Miss Lexis Nexis, easily found me numerous examples of essentially the same story, starting in 1997.
Back in 2000, I had a bit of a bad breakup with a women's company we'll call Moxygen Edia. Frequently, when people heard the gory deets, they'd say, "Really? I'm so surprised that would happen at a women's company." Me, I'm so tired of the expectation that women = nice and feminism = "sisterhood" and of this "Sorry, Steinem!" surprise when the opposite is reported to be the case.
'Cause you know what? Roughly half of people are women, and at least one-third people are assholes. So yeah, at some point, ladies -- mathematically speaking -- you're bound to work with a beeyotch. That's the unfortunate reality of the workplace, not some sad failure of feminism.
The piece, rightly, does mention the unrealistic, and unresolvable, expectations of women in leadership roles: "If women business leaders act consistent with gender stereotypes, they are considered too soft," the research group Catalyst has found. "If they go against gender stereotypes, they are considered too tough."
But they're always good for a headline, huh? We might not like that bully at work, but in the popular imagination, she'll always have a job: the manager who backstabs her way to the middle, the bitch who boils the bunny in the office coffeepot. Call me "nurturing," but I'd rather read more about what people are doing to make workplaces nicer for everyone.
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More important than distracting questions and considerations about how much they do it, why they do it or do they do it more or differently than men, are:
• Do you recognize the early warning signs of bullies?
• Do you know how to stop them skillfully?
Women often say that other women aren’t as overt about bullying; they’re more likely to be stealth bullies. Some use tactics that are sneaky, manipulative, backstabbing; some form cliques and start rumors or demeaning put-downs; some pretend to be friends and bad mouth you behind your back; some are negative, whining, complaining “professional victims;” some are passive-aggressive.
As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” ignoring the problem or begging, bribery, appeasement, simply reinforce low attitudes and behavior at all levels. A major part of the problem are conflict-avoidant leaders, managers and co-workers who think that if we all talk nicely to each other or try to make bullies happy, they’ll stop bullying.
If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.
Disclosure: I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog at BulliesBeGone (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com).
I'll only get a satisfactory resolution if my employer - a school district, and my union,
do the right thing. So far they've only given a variety of bogus excuses as to why I'm
in the position I'm in.
I've already partially won at the Human Rights Tribunal against my employer. Now
I'm continuing on at the BC Supreme Court, and am also preparing a case in front of
the Labour Relations Board.
I'm determined to let everyone know that bullying should not be tolerated on the job,
and exposure of the problem is the first step to fixing it.
I'm talking about my case here - http://forums.uncharted.ca/about1120.html
J. J. v. SD43 & CUPE 561
This is the first time that I read someone try to attribute a hard number to the percentage of society that suffers from a certain severe personality disorder.
Can this be scientifically supported?
.
In my experience, these guessed-at numbers are probably reasonably close. My own numbers would be more cynical...
.
Bullying in the workplace is a serious problem.
You should have done far more research into the problems of workplace bullying before you posted this article here.
Did you know that bullying is considered to be the number one workplace problem today? Google 'bullying' and you'll see millions of links.
Although it's not a new problem, it's now being exposed more than it used to be, which is a good thing.
I do agree with this statement that you quoted - "If women business leaders act consistent with gender stereotypes, they are considered too soft .. If they go against gender stereotypes, they are considered too tough."
I know all too well the fine line women have to walk on the job, having worked in male-dominated workplaces for many years.
But you showed your head-stuck-in-the-sand mentality when you said - "but I'd rather read more about what people are doing to make workplaces nicer for everyone."
Sorry, but the issue of bullying at the workplace will never be resolved unless the issue is exposed first. Then we can talk about how to make workplaces nicer for everyone. Not wanting to talk about workplace bullying won't solve anything.
At my workplace the bullying issue was totally ignored, and I lost my job. Since then I've been fighting in legal jurisdictions trying to get justice, and my job back.
The bullies should never win.
Signed, J. J. v. SD43 & CUPE 561
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