All you need is love. That song's been in my head lately as we hit February, the season of valentines -- either the most-loved or most-hated month of the year, depending how you feel about love at the moment. I've decided to embrace February and its associations this year, because I've seen--and continue to see -- what love can do.
Twenty-five years ago, at the height of the AIDS crisis, my uncle was succumbing to the virus. We didn't know he was gay and we didn't know he was HIV-positive until he became ill. That was the way in many homes back then; if homosexuality was talked about at all, it was in hushed tones, and certainly not in front of the children.
When my uncle was dying, my father -- a devout Catholic -- suggested he come live with my parents. My uncle declined, but my father's gesture was staggering to me. When I asked what compelled him to make the offer, knowing -- as I'm sure he did -- the implications, as well as the church's stance, he simply shrugged and said, "It's Andy."
His love for my uncle, and respect for my mother -- my uncle's sister -- overwhelmed me, and made me see him a little differently. Still, the subject was not openly discussed.
A year or so later, my brother and I were dancing at a family wedding, and he leaned in and said, "I'm gay." I hugged him, said, "I know," and went right on dancing. I didn't know that I knew, but at that moment, I did. I was at once happy for him that he was comfortable enough to come out, and sad for him that he'd had to be uncomfortable all those years in the first place. And, because of the times, afraid for his health and safety.
It was many more years before he was comfortable enough to share the news with my parents who, once again, responded the way one hopes a loved one would: with a few questions, a few tears that he'd felt unable to come to them, and acceptance of his reassurance that it was simply biology -- and that he knew how to be safe.
The subject didn't come up again until my kids were old enough to learn about sex and love, and I found myself a little stymied: Do I tell them about all types of sexuality at this young age? Is it too much information? Will it be too confusing? And then I remembered the years of anguish and downright torture I went through as a straight teen, and figured that talking about it couldn't be worse than that.
I asked my brother if I could tell the kids about his sexual orientation; I thought if I could put a face on it for them, it might be easier to understand. I was afraid that he might not be comfortable with them knowing, but he said, "Sure. Why not?"
I was actually perpetuating a prejudice by assuming he might want to hide his homosexuality. So when we had our ongoing "talks" with the kids, they always included the concept that romantic love can be with the opposite sex or the same sex. By the time we thought it appropriate to share that their uncle was gay, it was a non-issue.
As my son said, "He's not better or worse because he's gay; he's him, and 'him' is great."
The issue the kids have as they get older is when people use "gay" as an insult, but they work on it when they can. It's a process, I know; in my family, we went from not discussing the horrible disease slowly taking the life of a closeted loved to my kids hoping one of their favorite uncles will find Mr. Right.
Maybe not in my lifetime, but maybe in my children's lifetime, homosexuality will be like red hair or brown skin or a preference for cheese: not a good thing or a bad thing, just a thing that people won't have to be afraid to share. I'm convinced that if people could just see with their hearts instead of their heads sometimes, this could happen. After all, it's the season of love.
And as the song goes, love is all you need.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.