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Gallery Girls Episode 6: The Bloods And Crips Go To Art Basel

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Welcome to "Gallery Girls," episode six! Each week, six interns/inexplicable "gallery owners" look sad, but then a week comes along where a character contains an entire Russian novel of misery inside of her. This week: Amy.

Amy strongly believes that giving people things = friends for life. She gets all As in this department, until the moment when she goes too far and yells out her answers, resulting in a solid F. This happened last week in spades. In one scene, Liz told Amy she gives too many compliments and Amy's immediate reaction was to shout: "I LOVE YOUR SWEATER! NO, I REALLY DO!"

Amy went on a strange sort of rampage last week in which she showed up to an important work appointment shamefully late for a CEO, forget an intern. She said it was impossible to get from the Upper West Side to Chelsea, which is patently false. Guess what? It's possible! People do it literally every day. Literally hundreds of people, guys.

The tail end of that bender involved Amy "delegating" her own work to Kerri, the intern who joined the office after her. This was sort of like a first grader making the new kid do all her homework. You just can't do that. She's in the same place as you! If anything, that kid needs help, not more work.

Sure enough, all Amy did was get in trouble; it was actually hard to watch. We want her to succeed, we really do. She feels realer than the rest, ironically due to her continual lack of success.

But let's rewind. To start last night: Liz told her mom that Bobby, Liz's boyfriend, whom Bravo's really pushing on us, has to give her (Liz) a 13-carat engagement ring. Liz also told her mom: "Just kidding!" but it seemed like she wasn't. At least if Bobby decides not to get her the 13-carat he has a piece of defense footage he can play in a court of law. Angela said "I love hearing good things about myself, so I won't question [Eli's obviously insincere flattery]." Claudia let us know her name is pronounced Cloud-eee-ah.

When Sharon Horowitz -- the beautiful, tiny, expensively dressed art dealer who seems legitimately busy but has still allowed herself to be roped into this reality TV circus -- sat down with Amy, it did not go the way we hoped. Sharon brought up Amy's list of "delegated" tasks that Amy has no authority to delegate. Amy did a sort of, "I don't know what you're talking about!" eyebrow furrow (she did know). When pressed, she admitted her mistake by saying that Kerri (delegatee) took the note seriously, instead of as a joke, which Amy gave her no indication it was. (It wasn't).

Amy got fired. Instead of immediately enrolling herself in a boot camp called HOW TO SUCCEED, Amy told us this: "I've learned that I'm done interning." Reader, this is not the lesson of the Case of the Delegated Tasks. Nope, not even close.

Later in a car with a former model/Warhol muse Baby Jane Holzer -- whose presence was never truly explained -- Amy waged phase one in the Give People Things campaign. Angela bullied her into agreeing to drive the Brooklyn girls around in Miami during Art Basel. Amy is from Miami, Art Basel is in Miami, and broke gallery owners who cry constantly about not being able to pay bills inevitably fly wherever "the scene" is, ergo: Amy became the chauffeur to this motley crew. This was the second of two back-to-back painful moments for any well-wisher of Amy's. The first happened when Amy let slip that she once dated Eli, who had been artificially brought into the conversation, probably via a Bravo script writer.

"Ew," said Cloud-eee-ah.

"We all make mistakes," sniffed Angela/Babysitters' Club Cloud-eee-ah.

Instead of sticking by her one true love, Amy betrayed him by pretending that she found her perfect kiss with Eli "gross." She even pretended during the private camera session! It was just her and her God and us, and we all know how she actually feels about Eli, don't we?

Chantal performed a strange magic performance where she was simultaneously angry at Cloud for not being "focused" and also angry at Cloud for being focused. It was weird! Cloud wanted to host a pop-up exhibition in Basel that Amy, eye on the target, had suggested she help these new friends of hers put on. Chantal was all, no, it'll be hard work, why aren't you more focused on working hard? Totally weird.

Then Miami arrived and all the Brooklyn girls wore long ridiculous sheets and were suddenly civil with each other again. They created a plot arc for this show about nothing by pretending it would be a problem if they didn't host the pop-up exhibit because of some mysterious e-mails invites that were sent out to all the people they don't know in Miami. Amy pretended to have secured spots for the pop-up thanks to her diligent spot-securing work. (What about the fact that you're on a reality show? Doesn't that help in getting a restaurant to lend its services?)

Everyone was excited by how nice Amy's home was and pledged to be better friends with her. Also, Liz found her father. As we've been told, he's proud of her to other people but not to her face, and this probably has something to do with her stint in rehab. But, actually, just to propose something: a lot of parents are like that. Except for Rory Gilmore, pretty much everyone always feel like their parents aren't proud of them. Of course, we don't claim to know all the inner dynamics at work, but at least Liz's Bravo storyline requires that people constantly tell her they overheard her dad saying how proud he is of her. This time around, the task fell to Eli.

Liz's dad has a truly insane art collection in an expansive warehouse in Miami's new up and coming art district. He has been collecting "since before it was cool to like art," according to Liz. Which is...........hard to date.

Soon after, Cloud-eee-ah compared the Brooklyn girls and the Manhattan girls to the Bloods and the Crips. During this scene, she wore a floppy beach hat and drank a mimosa.

And then: Eli ran out of hair gel?

FIN

Here's a slideshow of what you missed at Art Basel:

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