I was twelve years old when the threat of sexual violence became a concrete reality in my preadolescent life. As I was walking home from school one day in Athens, GA, a well dressed, middle aged, white man walked alongside me for several blocks attempting to lure me into his car with promises to drive me where I was going because "a little girl so beautiful should never walk alone." It was only when the man leaned close to my face and stuck his tongue into my ear--a disappointing penetration substitute, no doubt--that I finally found the courage to run. I never told anyone what had happened, but the way this incident changed me was fundamental: I no longer had the luxury of feeling like I was safe when an unknown man waylaid me on the street.
Through this inappropriate exchange, I learned about the gendered nature of fear--the kind that irrepressibly grips the female body when in locations where safety is elusive, which for girls and women is everywhere. I also changed my behavior; instead of walking home, I read books in the library until my mom was able to pick me up after work. My experience, unfortunately, is not unique. Holly Kearl's research in Stop Street Harassment details the ubiquity of gender-based violence in public spaces and the lengths to which women and girls go to avoid it. Given that these experiences happen so frequently, at some point the behavior becomes normalized, an inevitable bothersome interaction.
Nearly two decades after my introduction to gender-based intimidation, girls and women--from Crown Heights to Cairo to Calcutta--have begun getting worldwide attention for their use of creative activisms to establish their agency and equal right to public space. At Brooklyn nonprofit Girls for Gender Equity (GGE), teen women of color in the organization's Sisters in Strength youth organizing program are naming salacious verbal and physical intrusions as forms of abuse on a continuum of violence against women, a manifestation of male privilege and entitlement intended to silence and restrict them. They are recording their own stories, and the stories of others, on film with the intention to move from impotence to action. They are leading workshops in public schools to shift the conversation about the normalization of violence and, little-by-little, change all of our lives.
In a moment of serendipity three years ago, I left my job at GGE to try my hand at freelance writing... just as the Feminist Press approached GGE founder Joanne N. Smith about writing a guide to youth-led, anti-sexual harassment organizing in schools. Knowing an opportunity when she sees one, Joanne asked me to co-write what would become Hey, Shorty!: A Guide to Combating Sexual Harassment and Violence in Schools and on the Streets. The book, which will be released mid-April, provides a narrative of the work of more than fifty teen women of color from 2005 to the present as GGE worked with the girls to developed a model for youth to teach one another about the causes and consequences of gender-based violence that impacts the lives of girls and LGBTQ youth. The young women also formulated grassroots methods of resistance that have begun to yield some success in the New York City public schools.
Joanne Smith, Meghan Huppuch, and I wrote Hey, Shorty! because we had looked for a comprehensive tool for youth and adult allies to use to guide our work to end sexual harassment in schools, but found none. Moreover, what little information did exist was extremely outdated and didn't speak to the reality of contemporary teenage life--much less the lives of urban-dwelling girls of color who attend the largest school system in America. In writing Hey, Shorty!, we were purposeful about crafting a malleable tool that teaches changemaking strategies while inspiring youth and adults to think critically about the intersectional power dynamics of acts as seemingly simple as sitting in a classroom or walking down the street.
We were concerned about the role of men and boys in tackling this issue. Change is not created through distancing and alienation; it is created by intentional and radical acceptance of those some may label as "the enemy". Although it would be easy to dehumanize them as such, the men and boys who sexually harass women and girls are not creeps or perverts. Some of them are our family members; others are our friends. They are all, as Sisters in Strength teen organizer Chiamaka succinctly puts it, "victims of society's definition of what a man should stand for and how much power he should have." While Hey, Shorty! considers how men can use their social location to advocate for gender justice, a text with this focus would be entirely different book. One I would be happy to pen one day.
Today, GGE's innovative work continues. And though I feel sad to finally be moving on, I do so heartened by the knowledge that there are many girls and women fighting daily to ensure that some day girls and women won't have to feel fear when a strange man approaches us on the street.
I have only one response to you article. Thank you!
When we men begin to see the subtle inequalities in our society we begin to discover the real man we would all like to be. As a husband and father of two girls, you have my admiration and full support.
When I see an attractive woman, my brain pretty much automatically gives me a mental picture of her naked and there is an instant judgement on whether I would like to sleep with her. That evaluation occurs independent of any thought processes. However; yelling, whistling, groping and all similar actions are not automatic and the men that act that way are just a$$h0les. Admittedly, there is a small part of my mind (like most men) that can't seem to help but view women as sex objects. But the rest of my brain is responsible for keeping that part of my mind under control and not allowing me to be disrespectful or rude to women.
Those that allow sexual urges to turn into sexual violence are animals that should be put down rather than be allowed the opportunity to repeat it. There is no excuse for sexual violence. I don't care about their horrible childhood or their mental problems. If you commit sexual violence, you should get life in prison at a minimum. (preferrably just shoot them)
If you want to help a women feel more powerful and less terrified, teach her to evaluate every comment based on its own merits -- if she likes it, smile and wink. If you don't, respond with a suitably emasculating comment and stride on by. (I can tell you though, nothing is sexier than a confident woman with a sense of humor and the ability to squash a big man with a few choice words.) If you truly fear for your safety, call a cop or shoot the S.O.B.
And though you say we "are not creeps or perverts," your post still implies we ARE.
Normal men do not do this. Unfortunately, normal men often do not see the harm. Many normal men are unaware how many precautions women take on a daily basis to avoid being attacked. Few normal men speak up when their buddies bully women, (though happily, some do). Male pride still to some extent seems based on Not Being Women, and standing up for them can invite attacks to masculinity.
This may be why articles target men in general; we want you to speak up when your friends dehumanize women, even if no women are around at the time. Help to make the behavior unacceptable. Teach your sons to approach women with respect.
jk
but seriously, it is interesting that the author would use black slang in the title of her book on this subject, as it unneccessarily racializes a subject that has no legitimately racial aspect. other than scapegoating, what would the reason be ?
http://tinyurl.com/ggeheyshorty
"Although it would be easy to dehumanize them as such, the men and boys who sexually harass women and girls are not creeps or perverts."
You're right. They might not meet the clinical definition of "pervert". But they are most definitely "creeps" and walking on eggshells so as not to offend some sensibilities, we are only playing into the fear they prey upon.
As someone who grew up in New York City and for whom riding the subway or walking down the street next to a construction site was the equivalent of open season for catcalling and straying hands, I think we have to not bend too far over backwards in not calling this what it is: Bullying. Harassment. Just plain bad manners.
Ladies, the worst thing you can do to a guy who insists on serenading you with unwanted and explicit language, or who insists on using the cover of a crowded subway to get away with a grope, is to loudly and publicly humiliate him in front of others. Something along the lines of "if you don't remove your hand from my a** this instant, I will call the cops", should be enough of a deterrent.
Just as you should fight back when physically assaulted because the perpetrator doesn't expect it, so too should you verbally fight back when a harasser makes insulting and disgusting remarks. The bully that he is will slink away.
Really annoying and sometimes threatening.
6:58pm
Arlington, VA
I never wanted my young daughters to walk any place alone. My Mom told me that young boys are at just as much risk. We have to look out for all the kids.
There is not organized male conspiracy in America to oppress women. Stop spreading lies. Men don't 'holler' at women on the street to oppress them. If anything it is the opposite, the man seeks to show how brave and confident he is by announcing his interest in public for all to hear. A modest man or a man who lacked confidence would do no such thing. These cat calls are a silly childish way to get a girls attention.
By the way:
"
And yet, more than 200 survey-based studies show that domestic violence is just as likely to strike men as women. In fact, the overwhelming mass of evidence indicates that half of all domestic violence cases involve an exchange of blows and the remaining 50% is evenly split between men and women who are brutalized by their partners."
Link here:
http://www.dailyfinance.com/story/a-hidden-crime-domestic-violence-against-men-is-a-growing-probl/19297449/
When will the man hating stop? Do we need to castrate every man on the planet who engages in behavior that offends a women? Just because some men do annoying or bad things does not mean we need to reprogram half the population to make women feel more comfortable.
Oh so I guess every time I've been hollered at I've been taking it all wrong. Those comments about my butt or breasts are really just confident guys trying to get my attention? I guess I should feel flattered when this happens in front of my family, friends, bosses, and clients. Or how about when these same confident men follow me around the grocery store trying to constantly engage me in conversation when I'm just trying to get some milk? I guess I shouldn't feel like I'm being stalked. Especially when these brave men follow me in their cars as I take my afternoon run- I should feel really safe when that happens right? After all they're just announcing their interest. And when I get groped on the subway or someone tries to grab me as i walk to the ladies room at a restaurant? Or how about that time some confident brave guy cornered me in a bathroom and tried to assault me (thank goodness someone called the police)? I guess I should just take all this as a compliment? Good to know.
Like it or not men usually have to initiate, the ground rules are not clear and a wide range of strategies may prove effective. Even if you reject a man for doing these things another women might not. Men such as these play a numbers game, they holler at a lot of women and the minority that respond positively is their reward. It could be 1 out of 10 or 1 out of 50 for all they care the one non rejection was justification enough. Hollering at women can be a humiliating experience. Having a well developed sense of shame can be a liability.
If women want to level the playing field make sure you teach your daughters to initiate relationships with nice men so that the rewards for being good boy are clear. That would be more constructive and less impractical than trying to reform rude boys. If women actively selected good men they would be empowered and the bad boys would have a real good reason to shut up and behave.
Ladies, Don't live in fear....Empower yourself!
You should take self defense classes, or learn how to handle and shoot a handgun.
Bring your daughters, learn together. It's a great way to spend time together and bond.
Feeling like your able to take responsibility for your own safety, raises self confidence.
Self confidence makes you carry yourself differently, and the Criminal element will usually move on looking for a weaker target.....and if they don't, you will be prepared.
Note: While Learning a Martial Art (like karate, etc) may take many months to become proficient,
A woman with a gun (and a small amount of proper training), can easily defend herself against a man, even if he vastly outweighs her.
You can't stop guys from "making kissy noises, doing hip thrusts and yelling "Oh, babeeee!" If we could, Justin Beiber would be out of a job.
....What you can do is learn how to protect yourself if it goes beyond "Sexual Harassment" (which is really only enforceable in the workplace anyways).
Which is easier: trying to control other peoples behavior, or taking responsibility for your own well being and safety?
...But this is the real world where people say things that offend other people, bad people do bad things, and the reality is that you must constantly be prepared to defend yourself (verbally or physically) every time you leave your house.
Learning self defense inspires confidence, and a woman who is confident in herself and her abilities, will not be intimidated by some jerks making catcalls or saying offensive things.
I guess you could always wait around for a world where men are afraid to even talk to a woman due to the chance that the women might feel offended and call the "Harassment Police"......But, what kind of life is that?