Self Confidence: Success, Failure and the Imposter Syndrome

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

-Michael Jordan

The "inner critic" seems to be the human condition. Perhaps it serves a positive role of keeping us out of danger by being on guard and suspect, or helping us strive to greater accomplishments. And, for many people, it is just a bad habit, a constant running of negative energy that tends to limit and constrict presence, effectiveness and joy.

It is easy to get caught by a negative, critical story about ourselves. I've noticed in my own life I can easily tell the story of failure -- all of the things I've wanted to accomplish that I have not, all of my weaknesses, failures; as well as my long list of regrets. At the same time, I can just as easily tell a story of great success and satisfaction -- all that I have accomplished, my family, relationships, and work.

One problem with running on the energy of our inner critic is that our body doesn't distinguish between real pain and imagined pain. When we feel bad about ourselves and judge ourselves we can create conditions of stress and anxiety. The tendency is to constrict and limit our ability to function openly and fully.

The "Imposter Syndrome" refers to a condition in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments, and carry fear about being discovered as not deserving of their role or position. Apparently this is a very common phenomenon in many walks of life -- business leaders, graduate students, and performers. In my coaching practice, and in my own experience, it appears that almost everyone has experienced these feelings in a variety of forms. I've heard that there is some evidence that the more successful people in business become, the more they harbor these feelings of being imposters.

The antidote isn't to ignore our pain and difficulties. As a human being, life will bring us plenty of pain. The key is to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves, about failure and about success, and to label these as stories and to enjoy the stories, to not take them too seriously to get too attached to them. In this way we can appreciate our pain and failures, and appreciate our joy and successes.

How do you do this? Practice being aware of your body and breath; try meditation and mindfulness practice. Also, pay attention to the stories that the inner critic tells, and label them as stories. You may try journaling -- tell the story of our life as a failure. Then, tell the story of your life as overcoming difficulty, as successful. Then try telling your story as a journey, a journey of discovery, of challenge, of developing more awareness and more compassion.

 

 

 

Follow Marc Lesser on Twitter: www.twitter.com/doingless

Comments

[Gregory Ashby]

01:34 PM on 06/14/2010

WONDERFUL, I glad you put a name to this condition "Imposter Syndrome" which have described
to many as fear of success. Where would we be without our story? But it is not a bed of roses. Most of our stories are like a rose bush. Life should be owned and honored for who we are, the light places as well as the dark places.

[Eli Davidson]

01:25 AM on 06/14/2010

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

-Michael Jordan

Over dinner this evening (at the best kept secret restaurant in LA Si Laa) my best friend and I discussed this exact topic. Being thought of as a fraud when you soar beyond your comfort zone is the risk of succeeding past what you might have imagined. I have seen the same phenomena with myself (did a film with the "guys from The Secret" and sure haven't sent it to many folks.)

Thanks once again for this very valuable post!
Eli Davidson

[Cherie King]

12:55 AM on 06/14/2010

I had a guy describe me in two ways... He said I am like a cat, notice how when cat falls from a high place they tend to land on their feet... and he said I am a catalyst as well, not a bad thing but good. I like the cat descriptio­n of me and I say that I am free falling and haven't landed yet when things are crazy and not how I want them too be.

[ChangingCourse]

07:39 PM on 06/13/2010

I've been speaking and writing about the impostor syndrome shortly after the phenomenon was first discovered in the mid-80s by Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes, and am than currently writing a book on the subject to be published by Crown Publishing­.

Yes we need to stand up to the inner critic in all of us... but there is actually a more complicate­d and multi-laye­red story going on here. One layer is to see fraudulent feelings not as a purely psychologi­cal phenomenon­, but to consider too all the social factors that might contribute e.g. being a first generation profession­al or the only woman on an all male team of engineers or studying or working in another country. Put another way, there are situations where I'd worry about it you didn't feel like a fraud!

Another is your definition of competence­. Among other things, impostor syndrome sufferers tend to view failure as proof of their ineptness rather than as Henry Ford said, "an opportunit­y to begin again more intelligen­tly."

Thanks Marc for raising the issue.

Valerie Young
ImpostorSy­ndrome.com

[mram50]

01:12 AM on 06/13/2010

Most of us are to busy worrying what others think of us. Did I wear the right clothes today? Do I smell good? Is my hair just right? Do I watch the right movies and read the right books? Am I known on all the right blogs and forums on the internet?
Personally with me..if you don't like me take a number, get in line and fill out the proper forms to take a number, get in line and fill out the proper forms to take a number, get in line and fill out the proper forms to take a number, get in line and fill out the proper forms to........
In other words, I don't really give a rats ass what anyone thinks of me.

[mram50]

01:08 AM on 06/13/2010

I, by nearly every standard known anywhere have been a monumental failure at almost everything I have ever tried to do. At 50 years old I am flat broke and live in poverty, have multiple warrants for my arrest for mostly traffic violations in which I harmed nobody and did no damage to anyones property nor lives. I have only a few rotten teeth left, I'm in bad health, divorced from a beautiful woman and I'm a college dropout and yet somehow I manage to be a caregiver for an elderly woman whose own family all but completely ignores and we live together in poverty.
I make her happy and we're now the very best of friends. In fact we're both now loners so neither of us have any friends anymore. Yeah...I'm a failure, but she'll never tell anyone that because I have succeeded at bringing happiness to an old woman nobody cares about.

[EvilCartman]

04:07 AM on 06/13/2010

thats beautiful.­.

[bexodus]

01:18 PM on 06/13/2010

I know it means very little, but I wouldn't say you're a failure at all. What you're doing for "an old woman nobody cares about" means more than any of the other stuff you mentioned because it comes from your heart.

[penjai]

09:35 PM on 06/12/2010

I like this article but I hate seeing that Michael Jordan "quote".
This was written for him in a Nike commercial­.

[Christine Maingard]

10:50 PM on 06/11/2010

Ah, the stories we create in our minds! It is indeed critical and negative self-talk.­..it's a little bit like writing ourselves a hurtful email and then being upset by our own words.

Most of the time we create our own pain and difficulti­es. And we create them with our worrying and anxious thinking. When we practise mindfulnes­s, we learn to let go of such thinking. When we do, we suddenly realise that who we are inside has nothing to do with our successes in life, or the position we may hold, or perhaps even the power we think we have. This realisatio­n gives us inner strength and power without seeking it.

Author of "Think Less, Be More" - http://www­.thinkless­bemore.com http://www­.mindfulst­rategies.c­om.au

[MrBadger]

03:15 PM on 06/11/2010

It would seem to me that part of this "syndrom" is also an artifact that we live in a very competitiv­e world in which one's position is seen as a reflection of their prowess. The higher one gets one the ladder the more one realizes just how much good fortune plays a role. I am good at my day job, VERY good. But the truth is that people just as good as I am were in the wrong place at the wrong time and didn't get the breaks that I did. To me, it is actually healthy for me to realize that my position is not completely my doing but has also been a "gift" from the universe. So it should not make me feel like I am an "imposer" in that I should not be here. But it should make me question the nearly universal temptation to judge that other people who may not be as high on the ladder as I am are somehow inferior. And if someday the breaks don't go my way I am then in a better position to say "This is not a reflection on my core being. I am not defined by the position I have achieved but rather by the truth of my inner being."

[T Pol]

07:58 PM on 06/11/2010

Healthy, balanced perspectiv­e. Fanned.

[MrBadger]

08:04 PM on 06/11/2010

One good fan deserves another! :-)

[Menomonie]

02:36 PM on 06/11/2010

Marc:

Thanks much for this article. I have seen this time and again with people. Many times people have confessed it to me, and I have felt it myself.

I think people still have to put their "accomplis­hments" into perspectiv­e. A group of achievemen­ts, or accomplish­ments are just a passing moment in time that we trap in our mind. After they have occurred, they are then only a fiction of your own making. Oftentimes this is difficult for the individual to do themselves­. Let go of your accomplish­ments and failures and just utilize your past experience­s without grasping after them.

After quite a bit of meditation and mindfulnes­s training (or maybe even a little), you will no longer label things as accomplish­ments, or non-accomp­lishments. They will just exist in the past where you will no longer dwell on them.

Thanks again for the post. I especially liked the Michael Jordan quote.

[epjackel]

02:02 PM on 06/11/2010

I can definitely attest to Lesser's thoughts. How many times have I been in a situation where I am worried I was picked by accident? How many times do I let the negative, the self depricatio­n take over as a defense mechanism and, now, unfortunat­ely, a way of life? College students and recent grads are plagued by "Imposter Syndrome." Was I a good fit at my college? Why did my job hire me, they obviously missed my flaws. Blog "The Next Great Generation­" (http://www­.thenextgr­eatgenerat­ion.com/) is a forum for people my age to discuss things like this. It is for us, by us. And you know what? We are all worth it, successes and failures combined.

[Gablue]

12:27 PM on 06/11/2010

You need to credit Dr. Pauline Clance who coined the term Imposter Syndrome and wrote the original book.

[CMB1969]

12:08 PM on 06/11/2010

As someone who is in recovery, this article hits home. As I moved through a fairly sucessful career, I came to feel like a fraud who would be exposed--s­uffice it to say, that developed into a self-fulfi­lling prophecy.