Let She Who Is Without Period Stains Throw The First Tampon

I just saw a picture online of Britney's period stain and I am horrified. I don't know why they would post a picture of that and I really feel terrible about it. I think that the paparazzi have gone too far. It is just tasteless and barbaric. I am so sorry for Britney and I hope she is ok. The only thing I can think of doing to somehow make it better is to say that this has happened to me about a million times.

I am the worst when it comes to period stains. That is why I never move because my mattress is so so so so stained that whenever I change the sheets it just looks like a murder scene. I'm serious. Somebody should put crime scene 'do not cross' tape up. It's awful! I can't understand any woman who hasn't had some kind of hot menses mess. Those women are weird and probably perfect, and always get a pap smear every six months, and have never had a weight problem or worried about sitting on a white couch - and they are no friends of mine!

Every month my body completely purges everything it has been holding onto. My periods are heavy, long, arduous - old furniture and books and records come out. Gold coins and anchors and treasures and lace and shoes. It's like a big clearance sale. Everything must go! That is just the way that I am built. I am just puzzled at the idea of a pantyliner or a regular tampon. I need to stuff half an emergency room in there every 28 days or I am looking at dying everything I own black. (Here's a hot tip - if you stain something with your own blood, spit on the stain - your saliva has enzymes that will break it down.unfortunately it has to be your blood and your saliva - you can't do it for anyone else). When my Aunt Flow comes to visit - the bitch brings presents. All the feminine products I use have "overnight" on the box.

The point here is let she who is without menstrual stains throw the first tampon. Britney is not Carrie and Chris Crocker was right - leave her alone!

Comments

[JMEB]

This was great - I love laughing so hard that I have to check my underwear for piss!

And I love Britney too - come on, "Gimme More" is just hot.

[kulbreez]

love it. made me spit-take at work.

can't stand Britney, but even I will stand up for her right to stain. i am in my 'moon cycle' right now, and for the life of me, no matter what i do, or how i plan, there is ALWAYS (pun intended) a mark of shame on my underwear. i think the period fairy puts it there.

[HC]

Margaret, I love you but you are totally wrong, wrong wrong. Yes, the photo is disgusting but frankly if you have the prospect of blood on your mattress, you should get something like a vinyl mattress cover before you actually use the mattress. As for bleed through, aside from the aformentioned pad/pantiliner backup --- wearing DARK underwear is a great way to manage a stain situation in a propylactic manner. Oh and actually wearing pants can help too.

[escapee]

Okay Margaret, here's what you do: in the middle of the night (on garbage eve), load your stained mattress into a van (not an open truck), take it to Brit's place and put it next to her trash bins for the city to pick up.

[Stoyver]

The Paparazzi exist because for some inexplicable reason there is a demand for their work. The whole celebrity worship thing is a symptom of an underlying pathology. How can we encourage people to "do things" for entertainment rather than watch others "do things". A vicarious experience can't be as satisfying as the real thing, but it may be easier! What a unfortunate trade off.

[DrFelch]

Poor girl. Just sad. She's as good as dead, and the tabloids are already writing up her obituary. Nobody deserves to die the way britney seems to be going.
Won't anybody in her life take a risk and challenge her?
Those that are attached to her life must really hate her and be such cynical, selfish buttmunchers. The sycophants and enablers are literally killing her before our very eyes.

[ranchobob]

Yes, Please leave her alone. Aside from the celebrity, she is pretty boring. And she deserves prviacy like everyone else.
And ladies...
Your period is special, and you should make it, when possible, a time of self-pampering (long hot baths, comfort food) - and your loser boyfriends/husbands should turn off the fights/football and give you foot and lower back massages.

[OzzieSmerck]

hey margaret, i'm so thrilled to be able to help you and all your bleeding sisters out with getting rid of your stains...hydrogen peroxide dissolves and disappears the blood right before your eyes. it's like a freaking miracle. This info will change your and all your sisters' lives! i love ya, keep up all your great work.

[SpectatorGirl]

My first that when I read this post? Someone tell Margaret about the Menstral cup. It's great, I used to have problems because of my heavy periods. I'm Canadian and I don't know if this one is available in the states but I use the DivaCup and haven't had a problem since. Try it Margaret! It'll change your life!

[JoyIsGwenNYC]

I'm sorry you guys but that IS disgusting. While I can relate to Margaret (one of my personal heroes), about not knowing who the hell are "panty-liners" and "lite" tampons are made for... if you really bleed on your mattress like that, maybe you should have started wearing Depends. Your room must really smell bad. As for Britney...Hmm, I dunno, maybe we shouldnt be seeing her crotch in the first place. Blood or no blood. Is it me? And we KNOW she knew she had her period because if she didnt know she wouldn't have worn panties at all.

[texastrixie]

I think its mean to post this picture, but Britney should be wearing underwear. She doesn't care now (she's too out of it to really worry about such trivial things), but someday she will be well (please!). Then she faces a lifetime of pictures of her crotch, etc. on display for her children, their in-laws, and her grandchildren to enjoy. Couldn't some real psychiatrist (not Dr. Phil) petition for her committment based on her current behavior or does she need to overdose or run her car into a tree. This woman needs to be a ward of the state.

[Sparhawk]

The media is way too quick to exploit people like this in ways that defy logic and common decency. Your article is thoughtful and honest, and as a Husband, understand where you are coming from. While I do not go through this as my wife does, I accept it as a part of her life and a part of her being a woman. Making it a spectacle across the tabloids/ media is infantile to say the least.

[Pippilangstrumpf]

I wish"American Girl" would come out on dvd.
LOVED that show!!
Loved this post too. I can totally identify.

[MNmommy]

Thanks Margaret!

[TheKiddy]

Sorry for the lack of humor, but girls (if I may use that term among friends) the treatment of Britney and Paris is so incredibly sexist and vulgar at times, even, and even especially, on the Keith Olbermann show of all places. And every time guest reporters broadcast something vulgar about one of these two young women (you will have to find vids of Countdown that probably don't exist) and the men all chortle, we all lose. Sorry to pick on Keith but both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are able to make fun without lowering things to that level.