"How do I stop letting my ego run my life?"
"How do I stop trying to control everything and let go?
"How do I stop judging myself and ruminating about what others think?"
"How do I let go of having to be right all the time?"
"How do I surrender my ego and allow myself to be guided?"
Sylvie asks:
I have become present to how hurt I am and have maintained that state of being without even realizing it. It shows itself through constant sabotage, stubbornness, always wanting to make my mark and often wanting to be right. A regular know-it-all. As delightful as that might be sometimes, it is not working for me. HOW do I surrender my ego and allow myself to be guided?
Clients ask me this all the time: "How? How do I let go?"
The ego wounded self would love for this to be a "how." The wounded self likes rules to follow, and would love to be able to have control over letting go and letting God. But this is an oxymoron. You cannot be trying to control something and be letting go at the same time.
It's not about "how" -- it's about intent.
Sylvie, as long as your intent is to control your feelings, or control what others think and feel about you and the outcome of things -- you will not be able to let yourself be guided. Your self-sabotage, stubbornness and having to be right are all forms of control.
When your intent is to control, your heart closes, which cuts you off from being about to access the guidance of your higher self. The big challenge in letting go and letting God is in letting go of control.
We all have many, many layers of different kinds of controlling behaviors. We can't just let them go because often we don't even know we are being closed and controlling.
When you shift your intent to learning about loving yourself and others, that's when you will start becoming aware of your intent to control and the resulting controlling behaviors. By being on the path of mindfulness about your own feelings, behavior and intent, you can slowly heal the addiction to control. The less often your intent is to control, the more often your heart will be open to learning and the more you will naturally experience your higher guidance.
So, when clients ask me, "How do I hear my guidance?" my answer to them is, "What are you doing to stop yourself from hearing your guidance? What are you trying to control or avoid? How are you rejecting and abandoning yourself? Are you judging yourself, staying in your head rather than in your heart, ruminating about the outcome of things rather than being in the present moment, turning to various addictions or making someone else responsible for your feelings?"
As long as you are avoiding feeling your feelings and taking responsibility for them, by closing your heart with your controlling, addictive, self-rejecting or obsessive behaviors, you will not be able to hear your guidance.
Letting go and letting God results from the consistent practice of Inner Bonding. Spirit is always here supporting you in your highest good, but you will not be able to let go to hearing and following your higher guidance as long as your intent is to control. Any moment that you are truly open to learning about loving yourself, you will be able to access the love and wisdom that is here for you.
It's not that it's hard to access our higher guidance -- what's hard is letting go of control. That's the challenge. The more you practice Inner Bonding and develop your strong, reliable loving adult self, the easier it will become for you to let go and let God.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a relationship expert, best-selling author, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® self-healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette, and featured on Oprah. To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, and join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships." Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
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