In summary, the interview that I had discussed in a previous post did not go that great, as I had anticipated, and for the aforementioned reasons that I had anticipated. I do not wish to discuss the details, but let's just say that I have come to the conclusion that returning to that school district makes me uncomfortable, and I won't be doing so.
I learned a few things from this anxiety-ridden experience, however. The first lesson learned is that I always need to listen to my gut. I felt sick to my stomach with the idea of going back there, and I should have just listened to those symptoms. I knew it, deep down, that the interview was a bad idea. That being said, however, I wouldn't have learned the next lesson had I not gone.
That lesson is that I'm done with my past, and it's time to move on. I've taken this leap of faith and put myself out there publicly with my honest words, and I simply need to keep moving forward on this path. It's hard not to dwell on negative sh*t that's happened though; when you have anxiety, you tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future instead of living in the moment. Yet, I must learn to cut those ties, to get beyond the hurt, to shed the draining negativity because it does nothing helpful. In fact, if I were to hold on to all the old bullsh*t, I would be blocking opportunities for positivity and true joy in my life.
That brings me to the next lesson. I can not and will not be able to thrive in an environment or career that does not allow me to be me, completely. In education, unfortunately, constraints are getting tighter, expectations are getting impossibly higher, and the militant demands are ever increasing. My mind, body and soul are not able to survive in those conditions. Those conditions would only be distractions misguiding me and taking me away from my true path.
Because I was feeling distraught and confused after yesterday's event and the onslaught of revelations it provided, I desperately sought some guidance. I know not everyone believes in the spiritual or the intuitive, but I do. I believe there are people in this physical world who fake their abilities to connect to the spiritual, and I believe there are people who are true and legit and who can truly connect to our spirit guides and angels. I had never had a crystal healing done before, but was willing to try anything to pull me out of my gloomy funk. I went to a local shop that offers them along with psychic and intuitive readings. The woman who did my healing and reading was like an antennae whose reception kept going in and out. It felt at times she was fishing for info during the reading, scrambling to gain confirmation from me, but at other moments, I felt like she was spot on and eerily so. She confirmed, yet again, aspects of myself and life I already knew in my heart to be true. She repeated, basically word for word, nuggets of wisdom that have been given to me previously by another (and amazing) reader and by my own dad who knows me so well.
This brings me to the final lesson. I pulled some angel cards during this reading all of which affirmed my hard core internal philosophies about my life. The first one had to do with following my intuition which I've already discussed. The second one though was about joy. It revealed the following:
"Joy is the highest energy of all. It's the magical sense that everything is possible...Joy allows you to attract and create your present and future moments at their highest possible levels...
"You drew this card as a reminder that your power comes from staying centered in a feeling of joy...If you're feeling trapped or victimized in any way, the angels can ease your burdens. A joyful outlook brings the freedom you desire, while your responsibilities are simultaneously met... Release or heal any parts of your life that aren't joyful. The answer to your question involves choosing the route that brings you the most joy. Focus on feeling the joy as if your desire were already a reality."
The reason I put those two sentences in bold is because they resonated with me the deepest. They were the answers I sought when I went in for that reading. My biggest question was: "Am I going to be able to make a living and take care of what I need to while doing what I love, by writing?" Apparently, the answer is yes.
Therefore, no more distractions allowed. I will "follow my bliss."
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