Violent women are making news these days. Last week, the singer Rihanna released a music video, Man Down, depicting a woman (herself) assassinating the man who had sexually assaulted her. This week, the BBC reports that the number of women convicted for domestic violence in England and Wales has more than doubled between 2005 and 2010. These news pieces, while obviously very different in nature, challenge prevailing notions that societal violence is perpetrated almost entirely by men. Do they signify social change?
The vast majority of domestic violence is directed against women and girls. The same BBC report that shows an increase in women convicted for domestic violence also shows that in over 90% of convictions for domestic violence, the perpetrator is a man. In the United States, the National Institute for Justice estimates that 25 percent of adult women are affected by domestic violence at some point, as opposed to 7.6 percent of men.
Statistics also show that while US women are less likely than men to be murdered, when they are killed, they are more likely to be killed by their husband or boyfriend. Thirty percent of female homicide victims were killed by their intimate partner, as opposed to 5 percent of male murder victims. In 70-80 percent of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.
This admittedly superficial review validates the notion of men as the main perpetrators of violence and women as the victims. It is, however, a very unsatisfactory read. Not just because it overlooks male victims of violence and their suffering, which is substantial and real. And not just because it overlooks the fact that domestic violence, regardless the victims' gender, is damaging to society as a whole, which it clearly is.
It is particularly unsatisfactory because it suggests that we cannot change.
In fact, everything we know suggests that domestic and intimate violence is not inevitable, and that women and men, whether victims or perpetrators, are effective agents for change. While this may seem counterintuitive in the face of continued domestic violence worldwide, it is notable that in those societies or communities where intimate violence is stigmatized and reviled, the violence abates.
Consider the cases of local communities in South Africa and India where women and men respond to the beatings of a neighbor by assembling outside the perpetrator's house and banging on pots and pans, or ringing the doorbell. While the sample sizes on these projects are too small to say whether a scaled-up version would help to stop domestic violence altogether, the involvement of a small number of very vocal activists lead to broader community involvement and desire for change.
Moreover, in countries where the elimination of domestic violence is seen as a political priority, supported by comprehensive policies, strong political rhetoric from the highest level, and resources, the prevalence of violence does go down over time.
Indeed, the clearest success factor in interventions on domestic violence seems to be societal. The violence continues where it is ignored and abates where it is stigmatized. In this sense, both Rihanna's video and the BBC report could contribute in a positive way to combating domestic violence. Violence against women in the home, sadly, is rarely newsworthy. Violence against men and music videos are.
Hopefully, the discussion generated by Rihanna and the BBC will, in time, move away from whether or not a music video should show murder and whether men are more or less victimized than women. The truth of the matter is that we are all affected by living in a society that does not, summarily, condemn violence in intimate relationships. We need to start banging our pots about that.
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Before we can really make progress against domestic violence, we need to convince people, mainly, but not exclusively, men, that they never have the right to absolute control over others. Parents do not own children, and most women who commit domestic violence, do so against children. I know of one case where a woman who needed glasses did not get them until she got a job in high schools and could buy them herself. Her father had not given her permission to need glasses and simply refused to admit she was nearsighted. This, while not violent, is certainly abuse, and it stems from the man's need to control EVERYTHING.
I know. I was a victim of abuse from my partner for over a year and a half. she hit me frequently, despite my superior size and strength. One day she attacked me, I had had enough and pushed her off. she called the cops and guess who went to jail.
I also used to be a prosecutor in the DA's office, and one time we had a man who had been stabbed in the chest with a pair of scissors by his wife. he slapped her AFTER she did it. He was sharged with simple assault and evicted from their shared domicile; she was not charged.
http://www.sheridanhill.com/batteredmen.html ,
• every time parents are disappointed at the birth of a girl
• every time a female embryo or fetus is aborted because of her sex.
• every time a girl child is fed less than her brother
• every time a girl child is not taken for health care as her brother might be
• every time a girl child is kept home from school while her brother is allowed to go
• every time a woman is illiterate
• every time a girl is married off at a young age
• every time any sort of dowry is expected at marriage
• every time prostitution is engaged in for economic reasons
• every time a girl or woman is trafficked for sex or work
• every time a girl or woman becomes pregnant without desiring to be pregnant
• every time a woman lacks access to modern methods of family planning
• every time a woman dies in childbirth
• every time a woman or girl contracts AIDS through no fault of her own
• every time a woman seeks an illegal abortion
• every time a woman lacks equality under the law
• every time a woman lacks equal economic opportunity
• every time a woman remains silent in the face of GBV.