I went to the Alois Alzheimer Center one day to visit Ed, my Romanian soul mate of 30 years. I didn't really want to visit because my visits were boring. And I was angry about Ed's condition. I wanted my old Ed back, but I knew that was impossible. So, I forced myself to visit that day.
Once I was there, I spontaneously got an idea for a little game to play with Ed. I started the visit by handing him one of his many stuffed animals, an act that always made him smile. I reviewed his growing collection and selected Adorable, the newest stuffed animal I had given him, for the purpose.
"Oh!" he said, his face shining as he stretched out his arms to take Adorable. "Oh! The lee-tle one! I love him so much."
He put Adorable to his face and kissed him. And, as always, it was as though it were the first time he'd ever seen Adorable.
Suddenly, I turned my head away from Ed and pressed Adorable's nose. I said "beep" at the same instant.
Just as I'd hoped, Ed thought Adorable said "beep." He looked at me and his eyes widened as he marveled at the bunny's new ability. Then he pressed on the bunny's nose and I went "beep" again. He laughed, pressed the button repeatedly, and I went "beep" each time. I burst into laughter myself.
He laughed more, then turned to me and said, his voice full of wonder, "Listen what he does, Marie."
He pushed Adorable's nose and I said "beep."
"No, Ed," I said, laughing and deciding to reveal the secret. "I'm saying "beep" -- not Adorable."
"Oh!" he said. "You are wonderful. You are great. You are superb to make this 'beep' just when the bunny's nose I press." He then exclaimed loudly and emphatically, "You could ask a hundred people and they would all say you are magnificent." He then repeated that sentence verbatim.
Next, he tried to trick me. He pushed the bunny's nose several times in a row very fast. I managed to keep up, saying "beep" each time. Then, he suddenly slowed down, still trying to fool me. He is really alert today I thought.
After that, he picked up The Little Yellow One, the first stuffed animal I had given him, and we played the same game with him. Ed kept praising me for being 'so magnificent.' We giggled like a mother and her 2-year-old playing together. It was fun.
One morning shortly after that, I realized I was actually looking forward to visiting Ed. A profound change had taken place in me. I no longer felt bored, dejected, unloved and unloving during my visits. I enjoyed them and left feeling emotionally satisfied.
It was clear I'd had a dramatic change of heart. And what was more, I could pinpoint the day it started. It was the day when we first played the Beep Game with Adorable.
When I experienced his joy at that tiny stuffed animal and our funny games ,my heart began to be transformed. Gradually my need and desire for my 'old Ed' began melting away as I realized that I could bring joy to my 'new Ed'.
The man who had lost so much was in a state of child-like bliss thanks to my small gifts and the games. His fervent gratitude for the many little stuffed animals I later took him, the fun he had playing with them, and his joy with all the other little games I subsequently invented, all made me feel joyous, too.
I realized that little by little and without noticing, I had accepted his illness and I had found new ways to relate to him, ways that were genuinely satisfying for both of us.
Just seeing him smile and hearing him laugh had become more than enough to make up for losing our previous relationship. My heart had changed forever. Our love had endured, even despite Alzheimer's -- the last and most daunting obstacle it would ever face.
For more about the games I played with Ed, read my book, Come Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer's and Joy, and visit my website, which has a wealth of information for Alzheimer's caregivers.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.