How to Spot a New York Woman, No Matter Where She Lives

1. A New York Woman thinks Fresh Direct (an online-ordering grocery delivery service) is better than sliced bread. She might know how to cook, but sees little reason to. She might have a spiffy kitchen, and yet not know whether she has a broiler, and if she does, where it is.

2. A New York Woman sees plays and movies before the open. She reads books before they are published. She eats at restaurants during their soft openings. If she goes to sample sales, she, similarly, attends the preview for friends and family the day before.

3. If a New York Woman is a mother, she invariably knows two or more board members at any school to which her child will apply, be it for nursery school, ongoing school or college. Similarly, she will always have on hand the names of three people who can provide summer internships for said child.

4. A New York Woman does not so much order a restaurant meal, but negotiate it. Asking for something on the side (salad dressing, sauce or ahem a teabag) is for amateurs. The phrase no substitutions is no deterrent.

5. When A New York Woman needs to see a new doctor, she does not call the office receptionist and grovel for an appointment. She calls the development office of whatever hospital the doctor is affiliated with it and asks them to arrange it the next day.

6. A New York Woman can read and even understand real estate ads for apartments. She knows the differences among a Classic 5, Classic 6, and Classic 7.

7. When A New York Woman is pregnant, there is an excellent chance she is over 39, she is expecting twins, and she has already scheduled her Caesarean section. If one or more of the babies is a boy, the circumcision is set, too. She may not know a Porsche from a Prius, but she can recognize a Bugaboo stroller at 500 yards.

8. A New York Woman can attend a funeral at a moment's notice. Her wardrobe (summer as well a winter) relies heavily on black attire.

9. A New York Woman knows where she can get her hair blown out any day of the week at any time of day without an appointment.

10. If A New York Woman does drive, you probably don't want to be her passenger.

11. If someone mentions the title of a book, A New York Woman may not have read it, but she probably has met the author.

12. A New York Woman finds nothing strange about scheduling lunch or dinner with her closest friends six weeks in advance.

13. A New York Woman may belong to a book club that pays a facilitator or professor to lead each session. If she doesn't, it is because she turned down an invitation to one or dropped out of one.

14. A New York Woman is, above all, helpful. If you ask a question in a store, she will answer it long before the sales clerk will and far more completely.

Comments

[allonfla]

Is this a promo for Sex and The City?

[DeeLuzon]

i'm sure you're a lovely person, but, really... some schtick are better served at lunch with your new york women friends than blogged for the whole world to read and take as the utter cluelessness of a stereotypically obnoxious new york woman.

[thegaygardener]

Thanks for reminding me why I left New York!

[NitaNitaBoNita]

Au contraire. Thanks for reminding why I stay.

And FreshDirect *is* the greatest thing since sliced bread ... and they'll deliver that, too!

[Thorn]

Golly. Delivering bread. It's like some sort of miracle. (I hope you're at least on the payroll.)

[Thorn]

Thanks for the creepy generalizations!