Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, and when people are really hurting, particularly if they have been "swapped" for somebody else, self-preservation becomes all-important. For some, however, this state of mind can lead to an all-consuming desire for vengeance.
After more than 25 years as a divorce attorney, little surprises me. Drawing upon my own experiences over the years, here are examples of the worst kinds of divorce tricks I have encountered. I wish to stress that none of them are recommended--in fact, some are illegal!
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husband's so called medical problems. These problems occurred after he left me, and were
due to his addictions to alcohol and drugs. He has been on my medical insurance for 24 years. I would like to find a way to end this nightmare so I could get on with my life, even though he's already taken my best years. Any suggestions that are within the legal system?
Whether a new relationship that starts "on the rebound" will succeed is up in the air, but for a newly divorced person to start a new relationship with anyone whom he or she chooses is entirely fair.
Once the divorce is out of the court system or student an adult is another story.
My ex-father-in-law was having an affair with my ex-husband's divorce lawyer during my divorce from his son. The lawyer's pillow talk included facts about the case, which my ex-father-in-law would gleefully call me and tell me about, under the guise of wanting to speak to his grandchildren.
The clerk of the court used the same child care I did during the divorce and the owner of the child care knew every detail of my divorce proceedings, including the amount of child support I was ordered (and a child support order is often not the same thing as actually GETTING child support). I put my children in another child care.
As to teachers, here are two nightmare stories from the district in which I teach. One high school girls' team coach had a sleepover at her place for the team. She took the girls on a trust walk and, one by one, let them out of her van in the worst sections of a crime-ridden city. One girl, when she saw the neighborhood, refused to get out--and the coach gunned the van, causing her to fall out. She went back to pick up the girl, but refused to get her medical treatment. The girl died. Teacher? Fired.
The parents knew of the affair, but raised no objection until the teacher took him to Vegas for the weekend. At that point, they called the police. Teacher? Fired. Parents? Won the lawsuit.
The man I thought loved me turned out to be deeply in debt and used my dowry after marriage to pay it off. At that point, I became a liability to him and his freedom.
Clients include attorneys and unrepresented people who didn't know where to turn because they didn't have the finances to fight back or were too stunned finding out their spouse was cheating they couldn't think straight. They needed help. I helped.
There is a higher margin of men who cheat, than women, both capable of unspeakable cruelty, absence of conscience and unmerited anger, including their lawyers. Sometimes there is no reason why a person should act this way, other than what is says in Matthew 24:12 regarding the character of the world near the end of time, "....the love of many shall grow cold."
Personally and professionally speaking, I believe in being cautious in your relationships, but not to the point where you mentally create a situation that does not yet exist. You can protect and defend yourself (physically, mentally, financially, etc) without becoming the antagonist yourself. Don't get revenge. Make the adjustments you need in order to get on with your life the best you can. Let the past go even though someone has made your future extremely more difficult. God has His way of making all things right in His time. The best is yet to come!
For instance, husbands putting in long honest hours in careers may cause wives to feel neglected.
( not rational, but emotions usually aren't ) Or wives exhausted after a day with the kids may make husbands feel neglected.
Before letting the past go, it's imperative to examine both sides, so with that understanding,
you can have higher odds of preventing it to happen in the future, then truly be able to let the past go.
Thanks, California.
You know, just in case I want to do it to some unsuspecting schmuck in the future.
When they find out they can't control him they first change their whole attitude in the relationship which turns the man off and away to another woman.
Is there something you need underlined in there?
There are lots of cases where women are forced to get pregnant by the husbands who wish to control them and foil their career plans so that the woman would be dependent on her husband. We don't hear a lot about those cases because those women don't speak up as much, and lots of people don't think there's such a thing as marital rape.
Anyway, my point is that you only presented one side of the issue, making it seem as if women were all devils ready to trap men.
Perhaps you've been burned in the past?
1. Exaggerated expectations. Assume the couple has 150,000 to split, each lawyer tells the client to expect to receive 90,000, but after legal fees, each receives but 15,000.
2. I don't trust the other lawyer/spouse. Skepticism sounds nice. After all, some form of dishonesty played a role. Then each party is on a wild ride to find it. If you spend 100 hours at 325 per hour, the material must be pretty important.
3. The 4 way meeting performance Cases settle through concessions, acknowledgements of fault, and patient. All these things done in front of a client will show weakness and a lack of toughness, Bob the problem is your lawyer is a pussycat and the other side has a tiger. These 4 way meeting therefore feature threats, bragging, toughness, and basically expand any problems and justify large fees.