THE BLOG
02/22/2013 05:45 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

10 Straight Myths About Gay Sex

Straight people seem to have this preconceived notion about what happens when two men or two women hit the sack. Whether they be the crazy religious type, Republicans or irrational homeless people in the subway, every straight person seems to have some theory on what happens when two people of the same sex hit the sack together. Some of those myths may be true, however several of them are just plain false. I think it's time we cleared the air once and for all.

1. Gay Men Like to Have Sex With Children and Animals.

Now, I have had my fair share of sex with dogs, but none of them were of the canine persuasion. Gay men, for the most part, do not like to sleep with animals, and those of us who actually do this (and there are very few) are ridiculed by not only straights, but gays as well. As far as having sex with children is concerned, that is another myth those crazy straights came up with. I have actually dated a convicted pedophile but again, that was a special case, I didn't know he liked little boys and if you want to find out more about that you can buy my book, Blackouts and Breakdowns.

2. All Gay Men Are Whores

Some, not all. Don't pigeonhole.

3. Gay Men Want To Make Your Partner Gay.

For the most part, gay men are perfectly fine dating within their own pool. We do not want to steal your man. We will, however, get him out of that ratty ass shirt and dress him in Prada while giving him a fabulous makeover. Straight men are wonderful and super fun to hang out with, but odds are, if they're attached, even your most promiscuous gay BFF isn't trying to hit on your husband. Just because a straight man talks to a gay guy doesn't make him gay either. It only makes him bi-curious.

4. All Gay Men Have Diseases.

While we are a bit more exploratory in our sexual endeavors, not all of us have STDs. That's why God invented condoms.

5. We're All Running Whorehouses From Our Smart Phones.

Well... not all of us. With the advent of Grindr and Scruff, it is much easier to find a date for tonight when you're at Whole Foods getting your grocery shopping done for the week and suddenly get lonely. That's what I like to call: multitasking. But not every gay man is operating a brothel from their iPhone. The ones who aren't are poor, can't afford expensive phones and we don't talk to them anyway.

6. All Gay Men Like Strippers.

False. Not all of us like strippers. We're just more open about our acceptance of people who take off their clothes for a living. Straight men have to go to back rooms and dark strip clubs to see a woman take of her clothes. We parade down Fifth Avenue in our underwear cause we just don't give a shit.

7. Gay Men Are Always Fucked Up Which Leads to Them Being More Sexual.

Again, this is just a rumor. Most gay men are always fucked up which leads to them being more sexual. Most, not all. I don't drink or do drugs and know many who don't.

8. Gay Men Are More Apt to Have More Than One Partner.

We like to save the polygamy for our Mormon friends, however since a lot of men are in hospitality or the service industry, it is easy for us to find what we like from a certain person. John is really good at oral sex, so I see him when I need a good bing-bing. Michael is very good at bottoming, so I like to see him when I want to top. We're not picky when it comes to sex, but we know what we want and who to find it from.

9. We're All Girls In Bed.

True, when two men are in bed together one can take on a more dominant roll than the other, but no gay guy I've ever had sex with acts like a women in the bedroom, and if he did, he was promptly kicked out of my house. In fact, most gay guys' manliness comes out to play when the lights go off. Nothing like getting slapped around by someone who was wearing a top with sequins on it moments before to make for a very happy night in the boudoir.

10. Gay Men Like Toys.

I've never used toys in the bedroom. When you have two men having sex, I personally don't see the need for it. Lesbians, however, may have the upper hand on gay guys when it comes to this. I don't see how knocking two vaginas together could get anything done, but that's just me.

There ya have it folks. Gay men are just a filthy as straight men, maybe even less so. I mean, as far as I am concerned a woman and a man having sex is the most unnatural thing I can fathom so looks like we've one upped you again.

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