10 Best Topical Jokes of the Week

© 2010 Image created for Mark Miller by Nancy DeFrance
http://defrancegraphics.com/

New research suggests that many dolphins who beach themselves are deaf. And yet still consider themselves fans of Celine Dion.

American Greetings has unveiled a new line of cards that can double as whoopee cushions. Because nothin' says "I care" like unexpected fart sounds.

A woman in Florida has filed a gender discrimination lawsuit against her former employer claiming that she was fired after she complained that other managers found her large breasts "too distracting." I would personally like to reach out to this wronged woman and help her find meaningful work.

Actress Patricia Arquette said this week that CBS has canceled her show "Medium." Of course, that couldn't have been a surprise to her.

The head of the TSA testified before Congress on Tuesday that any airline passengers who object to any type of physical security screening are not going to be allowed to board a plane. In other words, "We'll only fly you if we can feel you up."

The head of the TSA testified before Congress this week and acknowledged that the new pat-downs are more invasive than what travelers were used to in the past. Especially now that they're using lube.

Despite the high ratings for the premiere of Sarah Palin's Alaska, her show was beat in the basic cable ratings by "SpongeBob SquarePants." SpongeBob commented to Palin, "I can see your cancellation from my home."

Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday spoke in Dallas at the ground-breaking of George W. Bush's presidential library. The library will house nearly a dozen books that were read to Bush.

Singer Pink announced this week that she is pregnant. The father is believed to be a mixture of red and white.

Astronomers announced Monday that they believe for the first time that they have witnessed the birth of a black hole. Ah, hell, make up your own joke.