Bigfoot celebrating his upcoming conversion to Judaism
(Photo credit: Roberto A. Sanchez/Getty Images)
Influenced by all the celebrities caught up in the form of Jewish mysticism called Kabbalah, Bigfoot is in the process of converting to Judaism.
Having long been on a quest to give meaning to his life, Bigfoot has gone through periods in which he has either studied or become an adherent to Catholicism, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Confucianism, Baha'I, and Scientology. He even lived among the Amish for a number of months. In the past few years, Kabbalah has become the biggest religious craze. "And because Bigfoot considers himself to be a celebrity," explains Bigfoot Study Institute director Ethan Vortel, "he's generally attracted to any new trend appealing to celebrities."
Kabbalah has attracted the likes of Madonna and her movie director ex-husband Guy Ritchie, Britney Spears, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, soccer superstar David Beckham and his former Spice Girl star wife Victoria, Roseanne Barr, Sandra Bernhard, Goldie Hawn, Alanis Morisette, Diane Keaton, supermodel Naomi Campbell - and now, Bigfoot.
Kabbalah is a 500-year-old philosophical theology based on the belief that every word, letter, number and accent of the Torah (the Jewish bible) contains keys to understanding the nature of the universe and the human soul.
"Bigfoot has expressed a sincere desire to understand the nature of the universe and explore the workings of his soul," states Rabbi Yitzchak Pearlman, Bigfoot's spiritual advisor and Kabbalah consultant. "The decision to convert to Judaism is a vital one, not to be taken lightly. Bigfoot is well aware of its importance and he is very serious about it."
Now that Bigfoot has decided to become a Jew and has found a rabbi advisor, the remaining steps in his conversion process are as follows:
•A year of study and classes, meeting regularly with Rabbi Pearlman and fulfilling specific study assignments.
•Appearing before a religious court of at least three Jewish experts who will test Bigfoot's knowledge of the Jewish religion.
•Circumcision.
•Immersion in a ritual bath called a mikveh (not unlike a Baptism).
•Engaging in an act of donating money to the poor or another act of charity.
•Choosing a Hebrew name. (Bigfoot has already selected the name Avraham.)
•A public ceremony announcing the conversion. This ceremony usually involves the convert standing in front of the congregation and giving a speech, most typically about the reasons for converting or the lessons learned through the conversion experience.
Bigfoot has begun wearing the trendy Red String Kabbalah Bracelet as protection against the "Evil Eye of the Destroying Negative Force," and is thrilled about this new direction for his life. "My world used to be about spreading terror and fear," explains Bigfoot. "Now I'm all about finding meaning and purpose. You're going to see a completely different Bigfoot -- I mean, Avraham." A long-time fan of Broadway musicals, Bigfoot is currently auditioning for the part of Tevye, in a local production of Fiddler on the Roof.