According to the U.S. Department of Labor, a total of 157.5 million persons worked at some point during 2008. Some government studies have indicated that as much as 75% of the work done in this country could eventually be moved home. The beauty of all this work at home is the prospect of having both your family headaches and job headaches in one convenient location--sort of a one-stop, no-waiting, aggravation center.
You can find over 1,000 work-at-home opportunities in Lynie Arden's The Work-At-Home Sourcebook. The woman knows of what she speaks. She has worked out of her home for the last 28 years, in addition to being a home schooler to her three children. I envision her goal in life would be to eventually leave the house. Until then, she churns out books encouraging others to work at home so they, too, can be stuck there with their own three kids and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Misery loves company.
Obviously, not everyone would be happy working at home. A professional water-skier could very well find it frustrating. As would an astronaut and a soldier of fortune. Then, too, many people could not imagine being without the stimulation of other people at work. Of course, you could always learn to stimulate yourself. That, however, is the subject of another essay.
Once you leave the confines of the traditional nine-to-five, centralized work mode, a colorful rainbow of employment options appear. If, though, instead of a rainbow, you're seeing more of a mural of Bigfoot, mouth foaming, chasing electrically glowing teenagers at a sleepover camp, try a detoxification diet and lay off those funny looking cookies your 19 year old nephew offers when he visits.
Let's take a look at just some of the many advantages to working out of your home:
SLEEP. Stay up as late as you like; sleep as late as you like. You just can't put a price on those kinds of plusses. But I will - $342,000 - well, it's worth at least that to me. You'll never arrive late. You'll never have to hunt for a parking space. You'll never do less-than-great work due to being over-tired. And the best part - when you hear those morning radio traffic reports of stalls and accidents and bumper-to-bumper traffic, you can simply laugh and laugh.
WARDROBE. If you want to wear Bermuda shorts with your beloved "Psych Ward" T-shirt, who's gonna know?
Or, if you like, you can work completely in the nude.
Just remember to put something on before you go to a meeting. Unless you want to make a really strong impression. And you're younger than ninety.
LUNCH. Business lunches can be one of the biggest wastes of time and money during the working day. But at home, you can microwave that can of Spaghetti-O's in three minutes and be back at your desk ten minutes later. On special occasions, add a sprig of parsley and use the heavier-weight paper plate. The only one who's going to see you is your dog, and he drinks out of the toilet, so who is he to judge you?
BOSSES. We've all endured the horrors of the Boss From Hell. Finally, you're the boss. Congratulations. But just because you're completely in charge, doesn't mean you should go easy on yourself. Don't be afraid of making yourself work late, docking your pay, or forcing yourself to run personal errands that are completely outside the bounds of your job responsibilities. After all, what are you going to do, fire yourself? Oh, and be careful of sexual harassment. It runs rampant in the workplace.
ENVIRONMENT. At work, you can be endlessly annoyed by other people's smoking, gum-chewing, knuckle-cracking, body odor, thermostat-adjusting, gabbing on the phone, or emitting cold and cough germs into your space. At your home, though, you can be the one doing all those foul things. Heck, you can even give yourself a raise for doing them. So, go ahead - pick your nose while yodeling. Consider it a perk. God bless America.
THE KIDS. If you work outside the house, the minute you come home, your kids assume you're fair game and belong to them. "Play with me, mommy." "I'm bored, daddy." And before you know it, you're exhausted, asleep on the couch, with your kids going through your pockets for loose change. Home workers, however, need only say, "Not now--mommy's working." Which is the child's signal to leave the room, find daddy, and harass him for loose change.
SCHEDULE. Work as few or as many hours you choose, and work them when you choose. Perhaps your most productive time is 2 to 7 a.m. No problem. You might, however, look into the possibility that you're a vampire. If so, you're in luck, as working from the home is the top choice of 97% of all vampires. The remaining 3% prefer law firms, talent agencies, and daytime talk shows.
PERKS. In the traditional office settings, the perks might include use of a company car, an expense account, and an assistant. Home perks are much more varied, and include favorite soap opera viewing privileges, mid-morning two-hour shopping sprees at the mall, and trying out your new binoculars on that sun-bathing neighbor with the breathtakingly perfect body. Oh, all right, I'll speak for myself.
